Oh, It's THOSE Girls: Baseball Blog

You tell 'em Grams.

2011-05-03T20:18:00.003-05:00

My Grandma called me this afternoon to ask me why the Twins are so bad.

"I see how bad they are, and I think about how hard it must be for you to watch!"

"Nah. It's not that hard to watch. I mean, it's embarrassing and awkward sometimes. But I push through."

"You love them so much. They should play better for you."

You hear THAT boys? You have officially been shamed by my grandmother. You make her sad.

If that's not enough to make you better at baseball, I don't know what is.

Off-Day Homework.

2011-05-02T21:13:00.003-05:00

I know there are a lot of people out there who are not fond of the musical shift at Target Field this season. [Just because we all hated that stupid GB Leighton video, doesn't mean we wanted to dump ALL the local music. Sheesh.]

If you have an opinion about it, here's a good place to voice it (along with the feedback form to send to the Twins).

Or we can all just keep booing the Beiber loudly and hope they get the message that way. Maybe that will work eventually.

And if you do like the change, (ie you have ever said "I simply do not hear enough Black Eyed Peas at professional sporting events, dammit!") let them know that too. And let me know...because I do not actually believe in your existence.

Then go complain about the song you never want to hear again at the ballpark here.

How Bad Are We?

2011-05-01T17:12:00.004-05:00

We're currently going through a little bit of a rough patch (much in the same way that the Titanic hit a small bump) right now.

It's less painful if we own the suck. It's almost empowering if we just accept and embrace it, I think.

We know that record-wise, we are the worst team in baseball right now. But just how bad are we?

Let's check the info-graphic.

And there's the silver lining. Goodbye Bandwagon-jumpers, don't let the door hit you on the way out. I hear Colorado is nice this time of year.

New Beginnings

2011-04-30T18:05:00.000-05:00

I guess it's not a secret that I have sort of abandoned this place. There are a few reasons for this:

1. I'm busy. Yeah yeah yeah....I know what you're saying..."we're ALL busy. Man up, Sarah." And I hear you. But when I work 9-10 hours in front of a computer screen, I generally don't want to spend more time in front of one when I get home.

2. I have grown weary of the Twins Internet community, and sort of the Internet in general. I have not made this a secret. As a people, we've gotten jerkier on a whole, and I don't like it.

3. I have tried to spend more time trying to make a difference in the world, and to quote Maria Bamford, "it has really cut into my sittin' around time."

However, I've decided I just cannot let it go. I can't. There are a few reasons for this too:

1. I miss it.

2. It's too good, and there are too many things I've written that I adore, to just let it rot in Internet No Man's Land waiting for comment spammers to descend like vultures on a rotting corpse. If and when it is its time to go, we're going to give it a proper funeral at least.

3. There are still too many lost souls googling "Nick Swisher Shirtless" each and every day. I truly feel like it is my calling in life to set them straight (Swish is pretty gross, y'all).

4. I don't want anyone to think I stopped blogging here because the Twins stopped being good. That is not the case. It was purely coincidental.

5. The Twins NEED me. Obviously. It is almost May and I can still count the wins on my fingers. I want to have to take a shoe off, boys. C'mon.

So where does that leave the blog? Good question. I am going to make an effort to not kill it with neglect. But I cannot promise the ability/desire to post with a dependable frequency. I'll also be doing double-duty and posting at my new baseball-blog BalkAboutIt.com, a joint venture with Jen from Lipgloss & Baseball. But I can promise that I will TRY to keep up.

We'll see. Wish me luck.

-posted hastily via mobile device; forgive any typos/formatting issues please.

Representing the Powers of Good...

2010-10-13T06:07:00.005-05:00

I'm happy for the Rangers and their fans. The Rays put up a lot more fight than anyone gave them credit for, and I would have been happy to have either team representing The Powers of Good against the Dark Forces of Sinister Evil in the ALCS. But it's always fun to see a team who has never made it this far finally advance.

Plus, Ian Kinsler looked so gosh darn happy, you just wanted to hug him.

Not very many of my pre-season predictions came true. But I DID predict a Rangers vs Giants World Series. So...boys...make it happen. You're both up against arguably the most hated teams in your respective leagues. Maybe this time goodness (and adorableness) will prevail in the end.

I hope so. Yankees/Phillies is boring, and I will simply refuse to watch that particular match-up again.

The Old 97's released a new album yesterday, and it is pretty darn great. And in light of the big Rangers win, I have adopted State of Texas as my theme song for the upcoming ALCS.

Random Thoughts of Sadness and a Happy Rangers Primer

2010-10-08T06:22:00.003-05:00

First...an almost half-serious question. Has anyone in the Twins organization looked into the possibility of a team-wide food allergy to champagne? Just a thought. We're always doing so well until they pop those corks, then the season goes down the drain.

Second...I know it sounds weird, but as a Twins fan, I was a lot more offended by the headline on the Twins twitter feed reading "Current Trend a Testament to Yankees" than I was by the "EZ Pass" NY Daily News Headline. NY media is supposed to diss us. That's their job in this somewhat laughable post-season rivalry. And honestly, I'm not going to be upset about headlines like that until they stop being true. But the "Well, the Yankees are really good," excuses from our side make my blood boil. I had a basketball coach once who told us before every game that the Win was already ours, but it was up to us if we gave it away or not. I am increasingly convinced that the Yankees have the same general belief system when they take the field, and the Twins perhaps just...do not. Which makes me sad.

And it's not about buying the championship either....the team the Yankees are fielding is completely beatable. The Twins are just failing to do so.

Third....as equally sad as I am for the Rays and their fans, (that ovation for Carl Crawford made me tear up a little), Ian Kinsler is my happy place right now.

So, here's a great Texas Rangers primer from my very favorite Texas baseball fan, another Sarah! You may already know and love her on Twitter as @salty_birdie, but today she joins the ranks of Those Girls to help us get to know the likely Team Who Is Not The Yankees for this year's ALCS. (Sorry Rays. We won't discount miracles...but you have now joined us in our boat of doom.)

Thanks to Sarah for sharing the Rangers love with us, and thanks to her sister Evie for the great pics!

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Howdy y’all from the Lone Star State! Thanks to Sarah for allowing me to brag a bit about our boys in blue, the Texas Rangers. After their strong showing last season under President (now co-owner) Nolan Ryan, the Rangers grabbed a hold of the AL West lead by the early summer and held on with a tight grip. Making their first appearance in the postseason since 1999, this Rangers team isn’t like teams of the past-instead of carrying a load of power bats, this team combines speed and solid pitching from both the starting rotation and the bullpen. Well…they do have some power bats too. The Rangers are going to have a tough competitor in the ALDS facing the Tampa Bay Rays, but when you’re a team looking for their first postseason series win *ever*, you might as well face the best!

Here’s a few tidbits about the Rangers…I can write a term paper about this team and every player, but with these early afternoon starts, let’s keep it simple. A top nine list to describe the awesomeness of the Texas Rangers:

Of all the recognizable names on the Rangers roster, the longest tenured player on the team is Michael Young. The literal “Face of the Franchise,” he joined the team in 2000. After 1508 career games (#2 on the active player list), he finally is making his first postseason appearance, along with other playoff virgins-the Giants’ Aubrey Huff (#3 with 1479 games) and the Phillies’ Mike Sweeney (#4 with 1454 games). Random factoid: current leader Randy Winn (1717 games) started the season with the eventual AL wildcard Yankees, but was designated for assignment. A few days after being officially released, he signed with the St Louis Cardinals. Still has to wait at least one more year for that dance invitation!

Michael and his wife, Christina, are the current chairpersons for the Rangers Triple Play, an annual event benefiting The Texas Rangers Foundation. The guys dress up, play games like Fielders’ Feud (Family Feud with the outfielders opposing the infielders), and have the annual rookie performance. This special from 2009 was themed “Guys and Dolls” and included the performance of “Afternoon Delight” in the style of Anchorman.

Unlike some teams who have “stuffy” benefits and fundraisers, the Rangers like to have fun, both on and off the field. One SportsCenter-worthy moment came during interleague play in New York in 2008. In 2009, Rangers Insider covered the players handshakes and other celebratory moves. This year’s trend, the “claw” and “antlers", was introduced to the team by Nelson Cruz (of ”Boomstick”fame) and veteran journeyman Esteban German. The “claw,” like a long distance high-five, is used when something positive offensively occurs (basically-a hit); the “antlers” are used when the player shows speed, whether going first to third or beating out an infield hit.

Speaking of speed, one of the most entertaining, and surprising, moments of the Rangers’ 2010 season was when newly acquired catcher Bengie Molina hit for the cycle in Boston. The oldest of the Molina brothers is often referred to as one of the slowest base runners in the major leagues, so the call for his final hit needed (a triple) is particularly hilarious. He was only the fifth Rangers player to ever hit for the cycle (the last one was blog favorite Ian Kinsler in 2009), and the first catcher since 1900 to hit a grand slam as part of the cycle.

Interesting walk-off wins have been the Rangers’ signature this season. There was the Nelson Cruz first-pitch homerun against Boston and his 13^th inning homerun beating the Yankees. Twice the Rangers have beaten certain Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera in their final at-bat: David Murphy’s single and Jeff Francoeur’s odd walk-off HBP. The strangest (and most defensively cringe worthy) walk-off came against the Mariners, with the walk-off strikeout.

Time to show some love to the pitchers. The Texas heat in high summer has been the downfall of many Rangers teams in the past. When Nolan Ryan became president of the team and Mike Maddux joined the coaching staff, an emphasis on extra conditioning and no pitch count limits became the norm. With the trade of Kevin Millwood to the Orioles, the Rangers lost their “horse” of the rotation who ate up innings, even if he was on the losing end. A former Ranger returning after a long journey following surgery and a stint overseas, Colby Lewis was the “unknown factor” of the rotation this season. All he did was continue his high strikeout count (led the NPB in strikeouts in 2008-09) and make 32 starts, with 24 of them at least 6 innings pitched. As well as leading the NPB in strikeouts, Colby also lead in pitcher homeruns, hitting five during his two seasons. This one) hit the back of the fencing of the seating area. Notice the “gift” the player receives after the homer.

Whereas Lewis was the unknown in the rotation, the surprise addition was former setup man/closer C.J. Wilson. The blue-gloved lefty is the most accessible Ranger, whether by Twitter, his blog, or at charity events, including Guitar Hero and bowling. He totally embraced the extra running and conditioning that Ryan preached last season, and combined it with his straightedge, healthy lifestyle. He has almost tripled the numbers of innings pitched this season, and has made the most starts by anyone on the staff with 33.

One of the most dependable arms out of the bullpen is righty sidewinder Darren O’Day. In his second season with the Rangers, he ranks 7^th in the league in appearances with 72. His delivery isn’t the only unusual thing…Darren actually received his degree in animal biology, as well as completed (and passed!) both the MCAT and LSAT exams. His outgoing, energetic personality didn’t seem to fit with the law school lifestyle-however, it fits perfectly with his bullpen mates. In the past, the Rangers bullpen saluted the outfielders and still perform a pregame ritual with Red Bull.

The most important bullpen member is, of course, the closer, Neftali Feliz. The 22-year-old fireballer is finishing his first full season in the closer role with great success. He was named to the 2010 All Star roster, set the rookie record for number of saves in a season (currently at 40), and is a strong candidate for the AL Rookie of the Year. He was considered the rawest, but most promising, piece of the Mark Teixeira trade as a starter with a 100+MPH fastball. Up until 2009, Neftali was starting in the minor leagues-did not move to the bullpen until he joined the majors. Whether he will rejoin the rotation in the future is unknown, but after the successful transition of Wilson, it might be possible.

Honestly, I could write about every one of the guys, but we have afternoon games to watch. Hopefully y’all learned a little more about some of the Rangers and will cheer them on in the playoffs-if you don’t already have an AL favorite, that is. One thing they can almost guarantee is an exciting game.

ALDS Rays Guest Poster: Jessica from Her Rays

2010-10-06T15:04:00.005-05:00

Welcome Jessica, of Her Rays, the bestest Rays blog. This is phase one of The Most Adorable ALDS Ever With One Exception. She gives us some excellent reasons to pull for Barty and the Boys. Thanks for coming to play along Jessica! We're proud to have you as an Honorary Those Girls. Wow...that was terrible grammar. Oops.

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I have a problem with this ALDS. Sarah has dubbed it the “Most Adorable ALDS Ever with One Exception.” This is the root of my problem. In playoff situations I prefer the antagonists or opposing teams to be dark, evil creatures that must be vanquished from the earth. For instance in 2008 when the Rays made the playoffs for the first time they played the White Sox and the Red Sox. See my point? These are teams that needed to be crushed.

Now contrast that with the Rays options for this year’s first round, the Twins or the Rangers. Seriously, could they draw two more likable teams? (Sounds a little like Chandler from Friends but whatever) Since this is a Twins blog I don’t need to tell you that your club is pretty likable. Plus since this is a girl blog I’m sure you are aware that the Rangers are also extremely likable.

In fact since the Rangers have Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, CJ Wilson and other characters that are really entertaining to watch, I’m afraid the nation is going to be pulling for them. Therefore I’d like to give you some reasons to love the Rays.

Let’s start with the skipper. Joe Maddon looks like Michael Douglas’s character in Falling Down but his demeanor is the exact opposite. Matter of fact there are times when fans wish he would freak out a little more. However he is a master at managing these youngsters and together with an awesome front office they were able to field a team that won the AL East at a fraction of the cost. You gotta love that.

Now on to the face of the franchise, Mr. Evan Longoria. I’m very sad to report that our beloved third baseman is sporting a mullet of Joe Dirt proportions. He is normally much more attractive. He IS doing it for charity. Evidently his fellow Dirtbag Troy Tulowitski is responsible. Have no fear though, he happens to be very good at baseball, and sometimes that is enough to endear him to fans.

From there we move to ole faithful. Carl Crawford has been with the Rays through thick, lots of thick, and thin. He is a treasure. Rays fans are trying to cherish him this season as it’s most likely to be his last here in Tampa Bay. He would be the face of the franchise, but he’s really not that kind of guy. He just quietly goes about his business, and this year is his best yet. He is a dynamic player that can change games. Watch him run. He looks like a cartoon character, his upper body doesn’t move too much and his legs become a blur. Between him and BJ Upton not too much falls in left center field.

In order to garner some votes from the Twin’s fans, I’d like to remind you who plays shortstop for the Rays. Jason Bartlett is still super cute. Last year he had a career year, but this year he has been struggling. He’s still the skipper’s go to guy and is a very intelligent player. However since he’s been struggling, a young shortstop has come onto the scene to fill in occasionally and you can’t help but love Reid Brignac. He is our ragin’ Cajun. Rays fans love his range and he’s been like a kid in a big league candy store. It is totally infectious.

Another tie to the Twins is Matt Garza. He’s a nut job, but that’s what makes him so lovable. I’m happy to report that he is spitting less this year. You remember his stringy spider man spit? Evidently it was from going to the rosin bag too often, then licking his fingers and it made his mouth dry. Too much information?

Remember when the Twins had that dominant left-handed pitcher and everyone in the league wanted one. The Rays have that now in David Price. He can flat out throw the ball, and he’s kind of a hoot on the days he’s not pitching. Two qualities I love in a pitcher.

Oh one more guy that you have to check out is Matt Joyce. The Rays stole him from my sister’s team the Tigers. He’s a hometown kid here in Tampa, he’s super cute and he can hit the ball very high and very far. Oooh then there’s Carlos Pena, yum. Okay obviously I could go on and on about why the Rays are a great team to follow, but hopefully they will show you themselves in the coming weeks.

Here’s to our teams meeting in the ALCS, even though your team is so stinking likable!

Masterpiece Theater

2010-10-04T06:42:00.004-05:00

Just for kicks, allow me to recreate a very brief, and very real, conversation that took place next to me at the game yesterday.

Dude: blah blah blah My fantasy team is winning. blah blah blah Running Backs. Blah blah blah LT.

Dude's Girlfriend: *blink*blink*blink*crickets chirping*

Dude: LT! LaDainian Tomlinson!

Dude's Girlfriend: *crunch*crunch*crunch* I LOVE kettle corn! *crunch*crunch*crunch*

Aaaaaand Scene!

There's no moral to the story, I just think it's funny.

First Last Regular Season Game at Target Field

2010-10-03T21:26:00.007-05:00

Aside from the losing, it was a pretty good day at Target Field today. And really, had I been thinking logically, I would have known we weren't going to win from the moment I saw the elephant on my way to the ballpark.

Once you see an elephant, your day is pretty much not going to get any better from that point on. You can only hope to ride the wave of elephant-inspired euphoria as long as you can before reality comes crashing down.

[No, selling to underagers is not cool, but Wally is a Twins staple. And I guess I can't speak for everyone but I have always known him to be quite diligent about checking IDs. I have some questions about how legitimate the recent "sting" was, but this is not the place for that.]

And now it's time to get pumped up for Wednesday. When it's quite cold after the sun sets, and the Yankees are in town.

I AM PUMPED. Sort of. I will be. I promise.

Things could get very, very weird.

2010-09-23T06:20:00.003-05:00

Cleaning out some stuff I came to a realization:

I have a lot more Torii Hunter bobble-heads than one person should own. WAY more. I don't even know where they all came from. I know a few years ago at TwinsFest they were giving them away like candy (I assume someone found a missing crate somewhere and had to do something with them...), but I'm pretty sure that I didn't take home THIS many.

I suspect they might be breeding somewhere in the darkness.

I am mostly worried that one of those randy prolific Torii bobbles is going to find the Doug Mientkiewicz bobble and things are going to get very, very weird.

So if anyone has any good suggestions as to what one might do with an excess of these, feel free. I am toying with the idea of inserting Torii into a variety of historical dioramas for my own amusement.

The one where we debate panda bears.

2010-09-10T06:43:00.003-05:00

For the few of you who have particularly missed my personal brand of absurdity the past several weeks (it is unfortunate that political campaign season coincides with baseball season...but what can you do?), might I humbly suggest you head over to The Dugs and check out yesterday's Hit & Run feature?

Sarah vs Martin in an epic battle for honor and gender supremacy. I must say, I brought my A Game. Well, maybe my B+ Game, now that I think about it. Had I brought my A Game, Martin would probably still be bleeding from at least one nostril.

And poke around the rest of the site too, if you've never been. I'm pretty sure anyone who likes me will also appreciate their take on the more light-hearted side of baseball. Us funny awesome people all have to stick together.

Kinslerphiles unite!

2010-09-07T21:02:00.006-05:00

This photo-heavy post is really for my fellow Kinslerphiles out there. You know who you are. [Time-permitting, I have a backlog of more Twins-related photos and snark for the rest of you too in coming days...but it was a long rough day, and Ian Kinsler makes me happy. Sue me.]

I was lucky enough to be able to document photographically the awesomeness that is Ian Kinsler's delightfully floppy hair, from just about every angle.

I swear that this is NOT Ian Kinsler giving us the finger. I'm 99% sure.

Kinsler was just chillin' watching the Twins legends take BP.

I don't know what Kinsler is doing to Eddie....but I kind of like it.

Ian Kinsler and eye-black go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Most adorable 2nd baseman in the major leagues? I vote yes.

Guest Poster Tricia: "Standing Room Only Doesn't Mean What You Think"

2010-08-04T18:20:00.000-05:00

Today we welcome guest-poster Trica, whom many of you may already know as the co-creator of the semi-retired Twins Sisters blog.

*****

When you buy a standing room only ticket at Target Field, you don't get to lean on the railing of the Twins dugout, chew bubble gum and converse with Joey, Justin and Nicky.

You don't get to stand next to first base, shoot the breeze with Jerry White and pat the guys' backs when they hit a single or draw a walk.

You don't get to stand in the third base box while Scott Ullger tutors you on the finer points of coaching third, and wave your arms for the players to run home, go, go go!

No, standing room only actually means you don't get an assigned seat and therefore must stand the entire game. Who knew?

My sister and I went to Target Field on Sunday to see Frankie and the Bullpen (That would be a cool name for a rock band!) shut out the poor sad Mariners. We were both bent out of shape that we could only get standing room tickets from the box office. Still, we wanted to go to a game so much it was almost physically painful, so standing room it was.

We wandered around a bit, looking for a good place to stand. We started on the lower level. It sounds weird, but that's not the best place to be. The overhang blocks the scoreboard, and it doesn't feel like being outside, standing under that cement deck. We asked an usher, and she said to go all the way to the top and stand behind home plate there. She was right. It was a great place. There weren't a ton of people standing there. We had a birds eye view of the whole field. We could see the ump signal balls and strikes. We could tell when a ground ball would turn into a double play. We could see the dejected Mariners slink away from the plate in disgust when Frankie struck 'em out and sat 'em down.

We participated in the game like we would've if we were sitting in cushy seats. We cheered for the players, we screamed with glee when Kubel hit the three run double, we sang Take Me Out to the Ballgame, we implored the bullpen pitchers not to waste Frankie's excellent game. I admit, it wouldn't have been as much fun if the Twins had lost, but no game is quite as much fun when our boys lose.

My legs were tired at the end, but I'm glad we went. The game was a blast, and I would buy a standing room only ticket again.

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Meet Tricia: A baseball fan in general, a lifelong Twins fan in particular. Took a break in the 90s, what with working nights, and then living in Iowa, no cable TV. Moved back to Minnesota when the team started getting good again. Coincidence? You decide! Teaching my son to be a baseball fan extraordinaire. The best baseball game ever was a little league one. Tying run on third, winning run on second, and our pitcher got the third out to advance the team to the AAA championship round. Would about die of joy if the Twins ever won the World Series again.

Interesting in writing a guest-post or two for ThoseGirlsBaseball.com? Inquire within.

Boof-watch 2010, Part II

2010-08-03T07:16:00.002-05:00

OK, seriously?

THREE straight complete games for Oakland starting pitchers since Boof got called up to the bullpen.

Dear Oakland,

If I am going against all of my natural instincts and trying to have warm fuzzy feelings for you and your hideous white shoes, you need to meet me half-way. I am not watching your games to see pitchers I DON'T love. You need to throw me a bone. If not Boof, you should at LEAST let Craig Breslow pitch a 9th inning once in a while.

My god.

I can't keep this up.

Love (or something like that),

Sarah

2010-08-01T21:05:00.003-05:00

Here are some bullet points about the trade deadline, mostly because I have decided I cannot be bothered to invent transitional sentences that make sense.

I love this analysis of Matt Capps from my friend Trudi in Pittsburgh. No one knows Matt Capps like Pirates fans know Matt Capps:
Congratulations on the Matt Capps acquisition! I recommend stocking up on Prilosec and valium now -- you'll need them later, especially when the race to the playoffs starts. Capps isn't particularly good under pressure, and he tends to throw the same fastball in the same location over and over and over and over, which means that by the fourth iteration it's sailing over his head and into the seats. (If I had a nickel for every PNC Park invocation of the old Bull Durham quote: "Anything that flies that far should have a stewardess on it!" I'd be a wealthy woman!) But, the good news is that he's a good guy -- polite to kids and old ladies, funny, good for a quote or two, active in the community. He prays before he pitches and he likes country music, beer and pizza. Hopefully, he fits in with your crowd up there.
Like I said, I like Matt Capps. However, as someone who had him on multiple fantasy rosters last year (OUCH, btw), I am keeping expectations realistic.
In the lists of winners and losers during this season's trade deadline festivities, everyone seems to be leaving out one of the obvious losers: US, as a people. Because Jarrod Saltalamacchia went to a team whose jerseys are sans surnames. This is a travesty. What a waste of a freakishly long name. Ugh.
I panicked for about an hour Saturday morning, after hearing that the Pirates were calling Jeff Clement back up from AAA. There were rumors of a possible Garrett Jones trade. I put on one of my Jones Pirates player t-shirts, lit some candles and did some chanting while visualizing Primanti Bros sandwiches. Result: Garrett Jones remains a Pirate. You're welcome, Pittsburgh.
Obviously, my favorite move of deadline day was NOT one of the flashy trades. Nope. Boof Bonser got called up by Oakland on Saturday. So now I have to watch all the Oakland games too. (And naturally, since Boof's call-up to the bullpen, the A's starters have thrown back-to-back complete games. Frustrating.)
I am thrilled at the possibility (probability, really...but I don't want to get my hopes too high!) of Boof making the trip to Target Field later this month. At the beginning of the season, I had a dream that Those Girls ran into Boof at a Target Field gate. He said he really wanted to see the field, but since the Twins dumped him, he had to buy a ticket. It was very sad. Thinking that Boof will get to see Target Field without buying a ticket makes me happy again. I have never in my life been excited for the A's to come to town...it makes me feel a little bit dirty and ashamed. But in a good way.

Keg Taps and Matt Capps

2010-07-30T06:04:00.004-05:00

This break from blog-ennui inspired hiatus is brought to you by the trade deadline and my wonderful friends. (Also the letter B and the number 6.)

First off...wonderful friends.

I heard the Rock Bottom Brewery event was fun last night, and I know some of you were there. Thanks to Jen from Lipgloss & Baseball and our friends Sarah and Baramee for ensuring I was there in spirit as well. This fits quite well into my new hobby of pestering baseball players by proxy long-distance. No one is safe!

(Which reminds me, I really need to make friends with people in Sacramento to go on Boof-watch for me...)

I am happy to hear that Nick Punto was his usual magically charming self. Thanks for being a good sport and playing along with our shenanigans Nick!

And then there's the trade deadline drama.

Two things:

A) I really like Matt Capps and I am happy he's in a Twins uniform. He improves the bullpen and the team, assuming we don't see a Cappsian meltdown of epic proportions anytime soon. (It happens. Trust me.)

and

B) I am not thrilled about this trade.

After much deliberation, I have decided that these two statements are NOT mutually exclusive. Take that for what it's worth.

Good luck to Wilson Ramos, who deserves to be in an organization where he's not Mauer-blocked to the extreme.

And finally a couple requests:

1) if anyone who doesn't already have a blog of their own wants to guest-post anything ever, please let me know. It needs to fit in with our philosophy here, but other than that...sky's the limit. I am kind of busy, and baseball-blogging has fallen way down on my list of priorities right now. I hate this place to collect cobwebs, so give me a shout if you're interested.

2)My Red Sox fan friends, if you're reading this, Fenway Tour...worth it or not worth it?

An open Slama letter

2010-07-20T06:53:00.004-05:00

Dear Anthony Slama,

Please be good, so that A) we can do some winning and B) the fanbase doesn't attack you like feral rabid dogs.

Help us ~~Obi Wan~~ Anthony, you're (apparently) our only hope.

Good luck out there,

Those Girls.

PS Maybe try to grow a Pavano-stache. Just a thought.

My Final Vote philosopy and making All-Star Game plans...

2010-07-07T06:25:00.005-05:00

I know the Final Vote is supposed to basically be a bit of whimsical fun. And it is. I've voted for Delmon...not really because I believe he's had an all-star caliber season (It's been good...but not THAT good. It pains me to say it, but Pavano is the most deserving of the non-M&M players), but because he's OUR player, and it's my futile protest against MLB's insistence that everything in the universe comes down to a Boston/NYY rivalry. Also I need to vote for someone on the AL side, as my heart votes for Joey Votto.

I wish the Final Vote was run differently though. Why make us choose if we're going to put another Red Sock, or another Yankee on the team? If this is mostly about motivating fans to get involved...Red Sox Nation and the Evil Empire are ALREADY always constantly involved. How about fans from the teams that know their season is not going so awful well right now? They also know that for the most part, their players are never going to make the team by fan-voting. (Or teams whose season IS going well, but get snubbed anyway...) I wish the Final Vote was all about them. Choose the five players from teams that only have one token representative and give them something to be excited about too.

Here would be my Final Vote players if I was in charge of the world:

AL
Craig Breslow OAK
Paul Konerko CWS
Billy Butler KC
Adam Jones BAL
Shin-Soo Choo CLE (In the world where I am in charge, he is not injured)

NL
Andrew McCutchen PIT
Miguel Montero ARI
Ryan Zimmerman WAS
Carlos Gonzalez COL
Heath Bell SD

In the world where I run things, Joey Votto obviously made the team outright.

The real National League ballot comes closest to my philosophy...but of course the National League doesn't have the Yankees and the Red Sox to deal with.

(Apologies to my Red Sox and Yankees friends...but even you guys have to appreciate the realities of the over-hype-age sometimes, right?)

Anyway, I will continue to vote for Delmon and Joey. (With a couple votes thrown in for Michael Young too...sorry Delmon), and I will enjoy the All-Star Game for what it is.

And if you're looking for All-Star Game plans...might I make a suggestion? Twins bloggers may have already gotten an email about this, but for everyone else...

Pillsbury United Communities is opening up Target Field for Home Field Advantage, a private screening of the game via satellite on Tuesday night. This is fundraiser for PUC, a nonprofit organization with multiple locations in Minneapolis' inner city neighborhoods; their efforts reach nearly 10% of the population of Minneapolis. It sounds like a fun opportunity to appreciate Target Field in less of a crowd, and watch our All-Star M&M boys kick some National League tail, from the comfort of the best ballpark in baseball. Bonus...you're helping out your community, and your ticket purchase is tax deductible, if you're into that sort of thing.

There's a special deal on tickets that ends TODAY, so if you're interested check it out. After today (Wednesday), you can still buy tickets here.

Like the lame icebreakers at work, but less awkward.

2010-07-02T06:47:00.003-05:00

I promise one day soon, I will have the time and energy to post something substantial more than once a week. I swear.

But for right now, let's make this about you.

Let's all get to know each other. Leave a comment...even if I already know you or you're a lurker and have never left a comment til now. Who are you? How'd you come to be a Twins fan? If you're not a Twins fan...who do you root for? Why? Have a blog or website? Pimp it. (Note to Spammers: This does not mean YOU.) Tell me something interesting. Or something boring. Doesn't matter.

Let's be friends.

I'm handing the reins over to you guys today. Have at it!

I don't even have a title for this.

2010-06-25T06:35:00.003-05:00

I have been MIA this week due to one technological catastrophe after another. But honestly, it was kind of nice. It was surprisingly nice to watch these games and not see reactions online that force me to double check if we only lost a baseball game or if I actually needed to stock up on bottled water, batteries and canned goods for the immediately impending apocalypse.

My technological collapse actually came at a very good time, because I was starting to really hate the internet anyway. Considering I own this blog, saying that feels a little like hypocritical self-loathing, but it's true. I really dislike the direction that the internet drives social interaction. The anonymity seems to make people think that there's no consequences attached to their words, and they write and behave in ways I sincerely hope they would not in face-to-face situations.

If you haven't read last week's Sports Illustrated piece A Light in the Darkness, about mental health issues and baseball, you should. I worked in the mental health field for what felt like forever, and it's an area of particular interest.

Anyway, in the article Ian Snell spoke really candidly about the fact that he seriously considered suicide a couple years ago. And I think the following excerpt should serve as an interesting reminder when we're tempted to make cruel personal attacks because of ultimately meaningless play on the field:

"...Worst of all, Snell could not forget what he kept hearing and reading in Pittsburgh: the boos from the stands and the cruel insults online going back to the previous season, when he went 7--12 with a 5.42 ERA. Once the Pirates' minor league pitcher of the year, Snell was now a figure of ridicule. You can find out where these guys live, he would think in a fury, even if they just have some secret name on the Internet.

The loss to the Brewers was a match flickering near all this tinder. Snell felt unbearably alone. Should I just do it? he thought again.

"It was a juggling back and forth, like the angel versus the demon," Snell says. "I felt like I was going to have a heart attack." So he turned the shower dial from hot to cold, trying to cool off, trying to douse a million burning questions: If a player messes up, why does everyone automatically think he's a bad person? Do parents even want me to say hi to their kids and give them high fives? Why am I always being singled out?..."

Now, I'm sure Snell would be the first one to say that the people insulting him were NOT the root cause of his issues, but I think it's worth keeping in mind that we have no idea what's going on in a player's life, what they're feeling and how random words on the internet might affect them at any given time.

I know I'm guilty of it sometimes, but I like to think that this blog is not really like that. I try not to be, anyway. But at the same time, I really have no interest in participating in a community, online or otherwise, where those sorts of negative, fatalistic and personally hurtful words and behaviors are the norm. And I get that feeling more and more about the Twins online world.

I guess I just don't understand the reasoning for it. When we lose, I do feel bad. But I feel bad because I (for the most part) love the team and the players and I want them to win. But we could lose all 162 games, and it would not affect my life one tiny bit. Same thing with winning...I would love to see this team win the World Series. They're a great team and they deserve that success and all the things that come with it. But I don't personally gain anything from it.

I have no personal stake in the team, aside from the fact that they provide me with a certain entertainment value, whether they win or lose.

Neither do you.

I really wish everyone would lighten up a little, I guess.

Now, the players and their families, the managers and coaches and the front office staff and the owners...they're a different story. Their jobs and livelihoods and professional futures are all affected by play on the field. So if they want to take a more live-and-die-with-every-pitch attitude about the game, that's up to them. But there's another line in that SI story that hits home: "Baseball is just a job."

I know I'm glad no one has a blog or Twitter account that's so reactionary about my job performance. I bet you are too.

So, that was a little soap-boxy. I'm sorry. I'm just feeling kind of ambiguous right now.

ASG

2010-06-21T06:45:00.004-05:00

All-Star Ballot. Who are you voting for?

Sometimes I vary my votes a little bit, but for the most part this is what my ballots look like:

AL
1B Justin Morneau
2B Ian Kinsler
SS Elvis Andrus
3B Evan Longoria
C Joe Mauer
DH Vlad Guerrero
OF Vernon Wells
OF Carl Crawford
OF Jose Bautista

NL
1B Joey Votto
2B Martin Prado
SS Troy Tulowitzki
3B David Wright
C Miguel Montero
OF Garrett Jones
OF Andrew McCutchen
OF Josh Willingham

How 'bout yours? Do you have a strategy when you vote? Do you vote for your favorites or who is most deserving? Do you vote by theme?

Metsgrrl has a modest proposal. If we all vote for David Wright on our ballots, the Mets crew with throw some love to the Twins player of our choice. I vote Morneau, because Mauer is a shoe-in. I don't trust the Yankees fans not to have a last minute surge for stupid Teixeira. I think we should play along.

Really?

2010-06-18T06:17:00.004-05:00

I was checking my Twitter feed on break at work before the game yesterday. The channel 9 sports account posted something about being surprised more fans weren't outraged that Mauer wasn't in the line-up against Ubaldo. To which I thought "Really?" Because I wasn't surprised at all at a lack of outrage. Why on earth would there be outrage?

But then sure enough, as soon as they posted that, I started to see the posts of outrage that they were hoping for. People complaining that fans were being robbed by not getting to see Mauer in the line-up. And we shouldn't be sitting our best hitter against the best pitcher in baseball.

Again I say, "Really?"

Because I highly doubt Joe didn't start because he's scared of Ubaldo Jimenez. I'm pretty sure Joe didn't start because it was a day game after a night game...Which is totally 100% not abnormal. In fact, it was a day game after a couple of particularly brutal nights behind the plate. I'm confused as to why anyone would be surprised that he wasn't originally slotted in the line-up.

For the people complaining, let me point out a couple things:

A) It is JUNE.
B) We are in 1st place in the division, by precisely 1.5 games that FEELS like 5 games.
C) We already had the series win against the Rockies.
D) IT WAS A DAY GAME AFTER A NIGHT GAME.

If you don't want Joe Mauer to sit a game NOW, when the heck would you like him to sit out?

I for one would rather see him sitting out some games and resting up while we have a nice bubble of security rather than see him fatigued or injured down the stretch. But that's just me.

Yes, it sucks for fans who only want to see Mauer when they go to a game where he is not in the line-up. But again, I point out....IT WAS A DAY GAME AFTER A NIGHT GAME. If you only care about seeing Mauer, you should probably not purchase tickets to a day game after a night game, because the percentage chance you will see him play goes down significantly in that circumstance. Sure, you might get lucky....Joe's freakish bout of hardiness after he came off the DL last year kind of spoiled us. But if Joe is your only priority, why take a chance? Purchase tickets to a Friday or Saturday night game. Your odds are better.

And, he pinch-hit so the whole argument was moot anyway. It just annoyed the bejeezus out of me, so I felt like ranting about it for a bit.

Friday Random Ten

1. Young Pilgrims--The Shins
2. The Very Thing--Stars
3. Le Monde--Thievery Corporation
4. Strawberry Fields Forever--The Beatles
5. Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken--Camera Obscura
6. Everyone's A Hero--Nathan Fillion (from the Dr. Horrible soundtrack)
7. Little of Your Time--Maroon 5
8. I Miss You--Blink-182
9. No Matter What--The Clarks
10. 99 Red Balloons--Nena

What's playing for you today? First 10 songs on random/shuffle mode. I'm always curious.

Impromptu Celebrations

2010-06-16T06:54:00.001-05:00

First off, I would like to wish my Pittsburgh friends a very Happy Pedro Alvarez Day! For Pirates fans, today is every bit as exciting as Strasburg day, or Strasmas if you're into that, was...except I suspect that MLB Network cameras will NOT be following Pedro's every move an hour before the game.

I would like to wish Matt Tolbert a very Happy Matt Tolbert day. Yesterday was his very first career homerun that was NOT hit off of the Chicago White Sox pitching staff. A celebratory parade in his honor will be held in my living room at 5:15pm sharp.

Speaking of [former] Chicago White Sox pitchers...Boone Logan also got called up. By the Yankees. I feel happy, sad and dirty all at the same time. A begrudging Happy Boone Logan Day to New York. Although I know that they will not appreciate him and his adorableness. [Note that the adorableness comment only applies when he is NOT growing a ferret on his chin.]

I've also heard speculation that Boof might get himself a rotation spot in Boston, with a possible start this Friday. I think the mere rumor of this warrants a Happy Boof Bonser day to myself. Although, really, isn't every day Boof Bonser Day here?

Who are we missing?

2010-06-15T06:52:00.002-05:00

On a gloomy Tuesday morning, I don't have much to say myself, so I'm curious as to which former Twins you are missing most this year? Either for personality, adorableness and/or usefulness. Let's keep it to currently active players, shall we? Who do you miss most right now, and why. Go!

[This is also an appropriate time for your best theories as to what the hell happened to Carlos Silva this year. I am guessing that he started back in with his spinning classes, but that's purely speculation.]

Monday morning glossover.

2010-06-14T06:54:00.002-05:00

With interleague play well underway (please note that I am just glossing over this weekend's series loss for the Twins completely), I thought it'd be fun to look through the schedule for the interleague match-ups I am most looking forward to.

Rockies vs. Twins, this week. Naturally. I like the Rockies. I am only sad that it is an away series for them...so no Dinger the Dinosaur :(

Orioles vs. Giants, this week. I mostly want to watch these games to be amused by the overwhelming amount of orange on the field at one time.

Cardinals vs. Blue Jays, next week. Epic battle between colorful songbirds. Not to be missed.

Pirates vs. Rangers, next week. This match-up will decide Interleague A.Q. dominance this year. Believe me when I say that I will be watching very closely.

In other news, I am digging the Twins player's choice signature series of merchandise. Most of it, anyway. I like Slowey & Hardy's jerseys the best, I think.

Well, at least it's Friday.

2010-06-11T06:09:00.003-05:00

Last night's game hurt like a punch to the gut. That's all I have to say about that.

Trevor Plouffe helps to ease the pain. Welcome back, Trevor Plouffe. We missed you.

On the trade rumor front (hard to believe it is that time of year again!), I am thrilled that the Twins might have interest in acquiring David Aardsma. As you recall, David Aardsma is my spirit guide, and having him this close would make things more convenient in that respect. I am NOT thrilled that the Twins might have interest in acquiring Chad Qualls. Perhaps no one in the Twins front office owns Qualls in any fantasy leagues. Because I feel like if they did, they would have a different opinion on the matter. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all...but this season has been truly, truly brutal.

Friday Random Ten: as played randomly in iTunes this morning

1. If I Had You--Adam Lambert
2. Inside Out--Eve 6
3. 4 Minutes--Glee Cast
4. Hope--R.E.M.
5. Chocolate, Beer, Chocolate--Mary Mack
6. Man in the Mirror--Michael Jackson
7. Just Like Heaven--The Cure
8. Daydream Believer--The Monkees
9. Flume--Bon Iver
10. Cover Girl--NKOTB

That list is a lot more random that I even expected. Wow. What's on your playlist?

Boof Boof BoofBoofBoof. Boof.

2010-06-10T18:01:00.005-05:00

This post mainly exists so that when the daily Boof Bonser Google News Alert that comes to my inbox arrives, it will contain something nice, with no mean and nasty swears.

Because things did not go so well last night.

(I admit, it was ugly...but it's his first game pitching in a major league game since '08. Lay. OFF.)

But that's OK, because I feel like just seeing him in a uniform, on the field, during a real live game was a victory.

After the initial nausea from seeing another team's logo perched atop his lovely hair subsided...

...seeing this again put a twinkle in my eye and a song in my heart.

Yay, Boof yay! I will continue on in my current capacity as one-woman Boof Bonser online cheering section indefinitely. Location problems or no.

My warm and fuzzy baseball feelings for Boof are about the closest thing I can muster to unconditional love for anyone or anything that is not immediate family, good friends, snuggly animals, or Ralph Macchio. I will not apologize for it.

Mickey D's

2010-06-09T06:53:00.002-05:00

I have gone on record saying that the Justin Morneau McDonald's commercial is the best thing to happen to my television in years.

But he's not the only major league 1st baseman with a super cute McDonald's ad...

Here's a little blast from the past for my your amusement this morning.

Not to beat a dead horse...

2010-06-08T22:25:00.005-05:00

OK...apparently EVERY team does adorable puppy/baseball player calendars but us.

I mentioned Houston before (and Detroit by extension, because that's where Houston got the idea). But now I've learned that Oakland does one...(and rumor has it that this year's included Craig Breslow and his doggy), AND the Baltimore Orioles do one, AND the Brewers, AND the Phillies....get the picture?

UNACCEPTABLE.

Pound for pound, we have one of the most adorable teams in major league baseball. (Putting on my Objectivity Cap, I can honestly admit that two teams are, as a whole, more adorable than the Twins right now). There is no excuse for our adorable boys not to pose with adorable fluffy critters to support charity. ...allowing me a socially acceptable excuse to hang such pictures in my cubicle at work.

Most of the other teams' calendars appear to be sponsored by the wives. Is there a petition we can sign or something to make this happen? Because if we could get Pet Calendars, it would more than make up for the demise of our beloved Favorite Things baskets.

Why yes, I AM going to obsess about this now. Thanks for asking.

In other news, I hear Strasburg was pretty good or something. I watched an hour of the pre-game hype that was a little bit disturbing, and I saw the 1st inning. But then I had a prior engagement I couldn't get out of... so it's tivo'd. Along with the Twins game. I only had time to watch one thing tonight...and it was Glee. Sorry, baseball. I will make it up to you later.

Maybe when I get my own freakin' Twins Pet Calendar.

Strasburg Day

2010-06-08T06:42:00.004-05:00

The Strasburg debut tonight should be exciting. It's not every day we get a Pirates/Nationals game on the MLB Network.

They hype about tonight's game reminds me of Matt Garza's first start, times a billion.

Unlike other historical events, I bet more people lie about NOT being at Garza's first start. I, honestly, was not there, though I was supposed to be. I was fighting with the guy who had the tickets and I told him nothing on this earth could make me sit next to him for 3 hours. Not even Matt Garza.

Of course, you know the rest of the story. Things were ugly. Ugly ugly ugly. I felt supremely guilty. Because, at the time I had a streak of epic proportions going. I was going on 4 seasons of not seeing a losing game at the Metrodome. (Full disclosure, this included the 2004 season when I lived in Texas & Louisiana and only made it home for one game....but we won...so it counts, dammit.) My friend had no qualms about pointing this out and stating the obvious: "YOU did this to Garza."

Who knows... maybe if I had manned up and gone, and brought my good baseball luck with me, Garza would have been stunningly good that game, and avoided whatever weird psychological issues that seemed to plague him during his tenure with the Twins. Maybe he'd still be with us now.

Or not.

Either way, I got my karmic comeuppance for my neglect of team. The very next game I went to broke the streak anyway.

Moral of the story: If there are any Nats fans with similar streaks, don't let anything stand in your way and get yourself to the game. You don't want to take any chances.

Similarly, if there are any Pirates fans with a streak going, it's not too late to get yourself to DC. Because, in all honesty, if an Andrew McCutchen/Neil Walker/Garrett Jones combo could pull a Garza on Strasburg, it'd make my night. Not because I wish ill on the kid....I just really like the Pirates, and I think it's mean that the Nats orchestrated his call-up so he could pitch to them. I'd like to see that plan back-fire.

(To see the Pirates take on the game tonight ...as well as the bitchin' mustaches, watch the video here)

In other weird Strasburg news, there was a random quote about him in a recent Sports Illustrated article. The quote was from our very own Glen Perkins. The attribution went something like this "...said Glen Perkins, former major league pitcher." It made me sad. Head shaking, mopey Charlie Brown music playing sad.

Of course, in happy news, Boof Bonser is back in the big leagues and I could not be more thrilled. I feel like yesterday should have been a holiday. I prefer Boof Day to Strasburg Day anyway.

Let's steal ideas.

2010-06-04T06:18:00.003-05:00

I watched the first couple innings of last night's game. I saw Mauer score, and I saw Danny Valencia's 1st big league hit. And I stopped watching shortly after that. Can I assume, based on the box score I just looked at, that I didn't really miss anything too extraordinary beyond that point?

So, now that we've dropped 3 games straight, and our odds of making the playoffs dropped from a season high 79.5% on June 1st to 68.7% today, can we justify ripping off the Pirates by also taking Bobby Crosby's rally mustache challenge AND Delwyn Young's high-sock mandate? Pretty please? Carl Pavano has got a huge head-start on the mustache, so everyone else needs to catch up quickly!
[For everyone already complaining about the Pavano 'stache...it will look way cooler/funnier/more awesome once everyone does it. Trust me.]

And speaking of other ideas we need to steal....Amanda Rykoff, The OCD Chick, alerted me to THIS yesterday. That's right. A whole calendar full of baseball players holding puppies [and kittens. I should not forget the kittens...]! Looking at the pictures makes me incredibly happy. And sad at the same time...because this has been going on for FOUR years and I did not know about it.

This is the type of breaking news that I should be informed of IMMEDIATELY. If someone called me and woke me out of a deep sleep at 3:30am to say "Just wanted you to know, there's been another baseball player holding a puppy sighting," I would not even be mad. (OK...I would be mad for approximately 23 seconds, until my brain un-fogged, and then I would be really really happy). Four years of missing out on this amazing information is unacceptable.

As a way for the universe to repay me for this travesty of justice, I think the Twins should steal this idea. If only we had a Twins personality that was passionately committed to a variety of cuddly causes that could benefit from such a wonderful fundraiser....Oh wait!. We do...

In Houston, some players pose with their own pups, and others pose with shelter animals (Awwwww!). I, naturally, think that I would make an excellent casting director for such a venture in Minnesota. "Puppy-lovin' baseball fans" is pretty much my entire niche market. I'm pretty sure I could come up with a Twins calendar that would sell oodles and oodles of copies.

Considering I have now given this about 17 hours of solid thought in the past two days, here are some of my initial ideas for puppy (and kitten!)-player match ups.

Matt Tolbert and one (or two...or possibly five) itty bitty fluffy Golden Retriever puppies. Duh.

Delmon Young in a red fireman's hat pulling a medium size litter of Dalmatians in a red Radio Flyer wagon. I would title the picture "Delmations."

Jason Kubel playing a game of yarn ball with a little tabby kitten.

Nick Punto playing catch with my neighbor's Jack Russell named Riley. They are both really scrappy.

Justin Morneau with a Samoyed puppy. Any Samoyed will do. They are adorable, and I'm pretty sure they like Canada.

Brendan Harris with these kittens. All of them.

I have more ideas for everyone...but I have to go to work now, and I want to hear everyone else's ideas too. Who should pose how and with which tiny adorable fluffy critter?

Friday Random Ten

1. You're Gonna Lose That Girl--The Beatles
2. Bang Bang--K'naan (featuring Adam Levine)
3. Meet Me Halfway--Black Eyed Peas
4. In the Night--Basia Bulat
5. Separate Ways--Journey
6. Cheeseburger in Paradise--Jimmy Buffett
7. Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse--Of Montreal
8. Feel Like Myself--Brendan Benson
9. If You Say Jump, I Will Say No--Irving (This is possibly my personality's theme song...)
10. I Am In Love With You--Imogen Heap

What are you randomly listening to today?

That was a crazy game of poker baseball.

2010-06-03T06:19:00.002-05:00

The baseball night started with Ken Griffey Jr's retirement. Which is just one of those sad inevitable things. And it would have been nice to have a whole evening where the baseball world reflected on his amazing untainted career accomplishments.

Turns out he probably should have retired a day earlier. Or sometime next week. Because it wasn't very long we had to think about Junior before all hell broke loose.

Based on the events of last night, I have come up with yet another cockamamie idea. Ahoy conspiracy theorists! Come on board.

I am calling today's whackadoodle theory: The Umpire Strikes Back.

I have decided that the umpires secretly WANT expanded usage of instant replay. They want it so baaaad. But they can't just say they want it. It makes them look wimpy. So, their secret diabolical plan was to make 2010 umpiring so bad that MLB would have no choice but to institute it. They've certainly done a great job of it even before last night. This season has seen some truly awful officiating, and it's only the beginning of June. But what better time to further their cause than at the peak moment of a historical game, when every single baseball aficionado near a TV, computer or appropriately enabled mobile device was certain to be watching....26 outs into the unprecedented 3rd perfect game in a single season. It was the ideal time to make the mother of all blown calls.

And then just a few hours later, I guess in case some folks in the Pacific Time Zone were still at work and missed seeing Jim Joyce screw the pooch, a 2nd horribly bad call cost the Twins the game in Seattle.

My mom has always claimed that whenever my dad is sick of her asking him to do the dishes, he will develop a serious case of butterfingers and will just start breaking a lot of things.

I think yesterday was the Umpire version of busting up all the good china. Or a certain 6-year old's favorite collectible Care Bear glasses from Pizza Hut. (Not that I am bitter, mind you. I just have a really, really good memory.)

Anyway....the whole situation just sucks.

At least the Tigers got the win. And an apology. Twins just get screwed.

If, god forbid, we wind up in another Game 163 situation because of the butterfly effect of yesterday, somebody's gonna need to hold me back.

In other serious news, Those Girls would like to extend our sympathies to Claudia Cuddyer (and hubby by extension). Very sad news. We'll be keeping their family in our thoughts.

West Coast sucks.

2010-06-02T06:50:00.004-05:00

I hate west coast games. I force myself to go to bed and Tivo the end of the game, promising myself that I will watch it the next day. But then I rarely do. I am weak and look at the score and read eleventy billion things about the game in various blog posts, news articles, whathaveyou, and then I don't feel the need to watch the rest anymore. It's sad.

Pacific time zone rocks when you're actually out there. It blows for the rest of the country.

Tell me what I missed the last couple games. Amusing details, people. I want all the amusing details.

In news of players I love as much as Twins, Ian Kinsler shook off the beat down the Twins gave the Rangers last weekend, and took out his frustration on the White Sox. Which is always nice, I guess. It almost makes me feel less guilty about us knocking them out of 1st place in their division.

The entire Pittsburgh Pirates team has taken to wearing high socks lately. Team unity + high socks = win. Also, the fact that the Pirates:Cubs::Yankess:Twins amuses me greatly. And Neil Walker, adorable Pittsburgh native (AND entertaining mocker of d-bags) won the Pirates game last night with his first big league home run. Fun. The sequence of shaving cream to the face pictures are a good way to start my day this morning.

Sounds like a plan.

2010-05-28T06:12:00.002-05:00

So, here's the gameplan. In the event that the Twins meet up with the Yankees in the post-season again, we're going to need Nick Blackburn to pitch 3-4 games, and we're going to need Jason Kubel to field multiple positions and take up 4 or 5 spots in the line-up. If we can make that happen, by Jove, I think we have a real shot here! There's got to be some sort of magical potion that would work. Thankfully, it's Harry Potter movie marathon weekend on ABC Family, so I can do some real hard-hitting research on the subject.

It's also Texas Rangers weekend. Which means I will feel guilty all weekend for being so conflicted. Basically, I will just cheer for everything that happens. I can't root against either team, so I will just cheer for everything they both do.

You know what is sad? If you do a YouTube search for Ian Kinsler, half of the videos that show up are people posting video clips of their MLB the Show games. I am not all that interested in fake computer generated Ian Kinsler. I mean, I totally watched them. But I didn't enjoy it. Much.

5 Random Things I Am Thankful For:

No more [regular season] Yankees!
REAL Ian Kinsler with his delightfully floppy hair and his winning dance moves.
3 Day Weekends
A season series record vs the Yankees that, while still depressingly dismal, is "times-infinity" better than last year's.
The Giant Killer Crocodilians movie genre. [I have not met a movie in this category that I won't watch. Twice.]

10 Random Songs that I'm listening to... a new Friday staple.

1. Man in the Mirror--Michael Jackson
2. Like a Prayer--Glee Cast
3. Geraldine--Glasvegas
4. Uprising--Muse
5. Virgin State of Mind--K's Choice
6. Samson--Regina Spektor
7. Walk Like an Egyptian--The Bangles
8. Boys Lie--The Clarks
9. One Week--Barenaked Ladies
10. Designs on You--Old 97's

How 'bout you?

Rain delay realities...also, Evan Longoria does NOT like tea.

2010-05-26T06:25:00.002-05:00

Wow....judging by my Twitter feed last night, folks are pretty pissed about the whole ticket snafu with the rain delay.

Not that I blame them. With the insane prices people were paying for tickets, no wonder they're annoyed at paying that much to see about half of a baseball game. (This is what you get for buying into the Yankees hype-machine.)

I feel bad for the poor girl who mans the official Minnesota Twins team Twitter account. She's probably an intern...or being paid like one, at least. But she took a lot of heat from fans last night. A LOT. People were threatening legal action, even.

They're not going to get very far, though. It sucks, but the official MLB rule is if a game goes 5 innings, rainchecks and/or refunds are not necessary. Five is the magic number. Yes, the fans get to feel ripped off in this scenario...but is anyone still naive enough to believe that anything MLB does is with the intention of giving the fans the best value? Nope. The bottom line is revenue, revenue, revenue. Opening the doors for only fans attending tonight's game is the logistically easy, and legally sound, way out.

Although, I did hear rumors that there were messages on the scoreboard and signage indicating that fans with tickets to last night's game could use them today, before the official word that only today's tickets would be honored. Did anyone at last night's game stick it out long enough to confirm or deny? Still, not grounds for legal action....but an interesting PR snafu, anyway. Just curious.

Well, at least we had the squirrel. That was fun.

In other news, Evan Longoria has allegedly outdone Grady Sizemore in the "trashy picture leaked on the internet" category. Like, Full Monty outdone him. I admit I looked. Purely out of scientific curiosity, I assure you. I don't really buy the story though. He sent the pic to some girl he found on Facebook? I just refuse to believe that A) Evan Longoria is that dumb, and B) He needs to troll the internet sending nudie pics to random strangers like a creepy Dateline Predator.

I just don't buy it. Or want it to be true.

Jonesing for Pittsburgh

2010-05-21T06:41:00.004-05:00

Well, that series sucked.

On a positive note, I was able to decide on some early Christmas shopping....this year I'm buying Scott Baker a strike zone for Christmas. I kind of like the one the Boston pitchers use...I'll probably ask them where they got theirs . Let me know if you want to chip in.

But leaving the ugly AL East roadtrip behind us (as is necessary every friggin' year, apparently), today is a pretty amazing day.

Firstly...it's Trevor Plouffe day. As you can imagine, this is pretty exciting for Those Girls. This has been a much talked about and highly anticipated eventuality here. I could not be more pleased. Well...OK. I could possibly be more pleased if he was getting called up for a game I was actually going to see.

BUT...that brings me to part TWO of the best day ever.

Happy Garrett Jones Action Figure Eve everyone! Lipgloss & Baseball is already representing in Pittsburgh, and Those Girls are flying in to meet her later this evening. Tomorrow's festivities include a ballpark tour and probably pictures of the Garrett Jones action figures in questionable poses before the Braves/Pirates game. Also, cramming ourselves full of Primanti Bros. sandwiches and mixing our own slushies. I'm pretty excited to see Jason Heyward in action too. AND, we're staying in the same hotel as Davy Jones from the Monkees this weekend. So, we have to leave some time for awkward encounters there too. Busy busy busy.

It's going to be a good good weekend. I just have to keep telling myself that as I try to survive 5 hellish hours of work in the meantime.

Garrett Jones Action Figure Holiday Weekend Random 10

1. Beat It--Michael Jackson
2. Jealous Guy--John Lennon
3. The Girl Got Hot--Weezer
4. Teeth--Lady GaGa
5. Left & Leaving--The Weakerthans
6. Ambling Alp--Yeasayer
7. American Girl--Tom Petty (always a perennial contender for my all-time favorite song)
8. Down Under--Men at Work (ditto)
9. Oh, Goddamnit--Hot Hot Heat
10. Numb/Encore--Jay-Z & Linkin Park

Whatcha got? 1st 10 songs in random/shuffle mode.

Blogging with the Enemy

2010-05-19T07:06:00.003-05:00

Gee...I'd love to say something about yesterday's game. But if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

I guess the good part was that I didn't watch it on TV? That seems like a semi-nice thing to say about it.

So long, Matt Tolbert. It was fun to have you back while it lasted.

I'm glad my classy-Yankees-fan friend Crystal snapped this adorably awkward picture of Matt for me while she could.

I think we should send it to Apple, as it appears to be an excellent advertisement for the iPhone.

The boys are in Boston today, and in honor of the occasion, I participated in a little friendly Q&A with Ron on the Section 36 Red Sox blog. Go check it out, so you can read my A's to his Q's.

Twins 1, Personal Inner Demons 0

2010-05-17T06:58:00.004-05:00

Let's just forget everything that happened before yesterday. Let's count yesterday as the first day of a brand new streak.

Twins 1 - Personal Inner Demons 0

Because, as far as I can tell, the Twins weren't really playing against the Yankees yesterday so much as they were playing against their own demons. When Jason Kubel hit that grandslam, I got the sense that he wasn't just smacking the ball; he was driving the memory of his disappointing ALDS performance at Yankee Stadium straight out of the park.

We lost the series, but it doesn't even matter. That one victory yesterday felt better than any of the 22 other wins this season, by far. The team should get rings for that game alone.

Our last winning pitcher in the Bronx was Johan Santana. Santana...Blackburn....that's pretty good company to keep.

I wish the team wasn't in Toronto today, so we could throw a parade. At the very least, I hope everyone in Twins Territory was blasting U2's "Beautiful Day"for a good portion of their Sunday afternoon. I know I was.

Make it awkward....please.

2010-05-14T23:07:00.002-05:00

I will admit to having a lot of Yankees fans in my Twitter-feed.

So, I expected to have to kind of steer clear of the ol' Twitter account this weekend. But it turns out it's not necessary...because they are all very nice and cordial about things.

Granted, the Yankees fans that I follow are pretty super classy, I gotta say. [Obviously. That's the only way I tolerate the Yankees thing. *shudder*]

But mostly, I realize that they are friendly about the match-up because they can afford to be.

The Twins are their Kansas City Royals. I'm relatively certain that they look at the Twins with the same "Awww...what a poor sad puppy!" facial expression that I reserve for the Royals, anyway.

But I don't want us to be the poor sad puppy anymore :(

C'mon Twins. I am begging you...make my social network friendships more awkward and uncomfortable. Please.

Good Luck

2010-05-14T06:19:00.002-05:00

Well, all I can say, as we settle in for yet another series against the Yankees, is good luck Twins.

I want to believe. I want to believe that things are different THIS time. We've won more road games than we've lost...so that's good. But there's a part of me that realizes whenever our team gets to the East Coast, there's a little bit of regression to Little League form. Sad but true.

But maybe this time.... Right?

....It'll be different.

*sigh.*

10 random tunes for Friday...

Pink Cadillac--Band from TV
Fresh Air--Brother Ali
Bad--Michael Jackson
Left and Leaving--The Weakerthans
Just Like Heaven--The Cure
Hallelujah--Rufus Wainwright
Feed the Tree-Belly
Bust Your Windows--Glee Cast
Giving Up on Love--Slow Club
We Used To Be Friends (Season 3 Remix)--Dandy Warhols (Yes, I have the season 3 soundtrack of Veronica Mars, and I'm damn proud of it.)

I showed you mine...now show me yours. 1st ten songs on random play from your computer/mp3 player.

Who Are We Googling?

2010-05-10T20:54:00.002-05:00

I felt like making a pie chart.

So here it is.

These values are based on Google searches the past week or so. Some of them amuse me. Some of them terrify me.

Perfect is as perfect does.

2010-05-10T06:36:00.003-05:00

Well A-Rod, I guess everybody knows Dallas Braden's name NOW, huh? Watching the end of the A's-Rays game yesterday, I kept double-checking to make sure I wasn't watching a heart-warming Disney underdog sports movie instead. It was THAT perfect.

A part of me wondered if maybe after a few innings of perfect ball, the Rays realized how much this was gonna piss off the Yankees (maybe Evan Longoria checked his Twitter feed between innings..), and only gave 97% the rest of the game. With the best record in baseball, they were best equipped to take one for the proverbial team and frost Yankees fans to epic proportions.

And for that, Tampa Bay Rays, I salute you.

Of course we had a pretty gosh-darn perfect day here in Twins Territory too. Nick Blackburn dominated. We scored a bunch of runs, in spite of the middle of the order coming up a little short. Pink bats were everywhere. It was a good day for baseball.

Little Help:
As many of you know, Those Girls and Lipgloss & Baseball are all going to Pittsburgh in less than two weeks to celebrate what I am calling Garrett Jones Action Figure Day Holiday Weekend. It's going to be epic. To commemorate the occasion, I'm putting together a special little project. But I need some help. I'm looking for some Pirates folks --Hello Pittsburgh friends! I am talking to you :)...some Red Wings fans/bloggers...some Indianapolis Indians fans/bloggers....etc anyone who has happy opinions or memories about Mr. Jones. If you are such a person, or know of one...drop me an email if you'd be so kind. I'll fill you in on the details.

What Happens When We Rain/Snow Out...I blog about the A's and Yankees.

2010-05-08T08:37:00.004-05:00

I'm not complaining about the postponed game, though. Friday Night Lights was on anyway.

And having zero Twins baseball to think about gave me the opportunity to truly revel in the absolute delightful ridiculousness of the Dallas Braden/A-Rod media bitch-fight.

Does everybody know the story? I hope so. But here's the Reader's Digest Abridged version:

Late April: Yankees @ A's (or "What Hell Looks Like" as I like to call this particular matchup). During an inning A-Rod decides to jog over the pitching mound to get back to base after a foul ball. At the end of the inning A's pitcher Dallas Braden told him to get off his mound. Post-game, Braden called A-Rod out for being a selfish jerk. A-Rod called Braden out for not being a popular big name player. Onward and upward. Stay classy Oakland and New York.

Morgan Ensberg had a funny blog post about it at the time. (BTW, if you don't read his blog already, you should. It's pretty cool having a real blog by a recent player that isn't fed through the MLB propaganda machine.)

Cut to this week, where Dallas Braden continues to rail on about this, in amazingly entertaining fashion. Going so far as to say in response to A-Rod's response that "We don't do much talking in the 209." Which pretty much made my week. Scruffy scary looking Oakland player making vague threats that invoke his telephone area code? Yes, please. MLB. I live for this.

I agree that Braden is maybe, just maybe, blowing things out of proportion a little. But I disagree with everyone (including Morgan Ensberg...) who says that there's no unwritten rule that you don't run over a pitcher's mound and that Braden is crazy for thinking there is one.

CLEARLY everyone who is saying this is not nearly as versed in everything A.J. Pierzynski does as I am.

Because as soon as it happened, it brought to mind one of my all-time favorite A.J. Pierzynski articles. From like 3 or 4 years ago. Somewhere I kept the original magazine, but I'm not digging it out. The cover said something about A.J. "embracing his inner jerk," and the story was accompanied by one of ESPN the Mag's "Who knows him better?" featurettes where A.J.'s wife Lisa and his BFF Doug Mientkiewicz answered questions about him. It was a good one. Anyway, it includes the following:

"What does Pierzynski do? Mostly little things. When he makes an out, he'll often take the opportunity to jog across the mound on his way back to the dugout. Pitchers, as a rule, don't like this."

I guess Dallas Braden and I read the same magazine articles.

For this reason, I'm siding with Braden and his intensely entertaining public overreaction. Also because I'm afraid that if I don't, he will cut me.

Smell 'Em. Dear sweet lord, SMELL 'EM.

2010-05-07T06:25:00.003-05:00

I think we've gotten a little spoiled thus far this season. All the insane offensive production and the near constant winning make shutouts hurt more. But it's worth it, I guess. Better to have won a lot then lost a little, than never to have won at all.

And I like the Orioles. I think they're a better team than their abysmal W-L record indicates...or at least they CAN be. And this was sort of a baseball equivalent of a trap game, I think. Fresh off the first sweep of the season, looking forward to the rival White Sox and an East Coast roadtrip to see if they can prove something...things just fell apart here a little. I have faith that resurrected Liriano and pink bats and sweatbands will bring some magic back this weekend though.

But this LOB nonsense is getting a little old though. Can we please bring back "Smell 'Em?" Please? I don't know if it would work without mastermind Mike Redmond. But we could sure use something as a motivator. We've gone beyond just stranding small villages on base. We're currently stranding medium to large villages, and a couple unincorporated townships. I've grown weary. Watching the game when there's baserunners should be one of the more exciting moments....but recently it's become the time when I go grab a snack from the fridge, or let the dogs outside.

Friday Random Ten Music Time
I loved reading what's on everybody else's mp3 players last week. Let's do it again! 1st ten random songs off your music player/computer/whatever...no cheating.

What I'm listening to:
1. Three Little Birds--Bob Marley and the Wailers
2. 22--Lily Allen
3. Since U Been Gone--Kelly Clarkson
4. Jacqueline--Franz Ferdinand
5. Zombie--The Cranberries (Awww. This makes me think of Matt Tolbert!)
6. Chasing Pavements--Adele
7. Good Day Sunshine--The Beatles
8. Ring of Fire--Johnny Cash
9. Just What I Needed--The Cars
10. Dreamer--K'naan

All-Star Game 2011 is the LEAST of my Arizona worries.

2010-05-04T06:43:00.007-05:00

It's not that often that politics and baseball intersect, (aside from the fact that at the root of things politics is all about the balance of power, and so is baseball....and pretty much everything else.) But the Arizona immigration policy has sure got the baseball world in a frenzy.

There's a lot of buzz about whether or not the MLB should move the 2011 All-Star Game out of Phoenix. Some say yes, punish Arizona by yanking the $40 mil the game will bring in tourism revenue, don't send players or fans there. Others debunk that argument by saying baseball should stay out of it; don't worry, no one's going to arrest Albert Pujols.

I guess I understand why the All-Star game is the big-ticket question mark. But aren't there a couple more pressing issues to deal with first?

Like Arizona Fall League, and Cactus League Spring Training?

I wish I was seeing more bloggers and writers beating the drum about those, because they seem a lot more relevant to the argument.

Last year, MLB bragged that the 2009 Arizona Fall League rosters held a record number of foreign-born players. And while it's true that well-known Albert Pujols might not get hassled about his immigration status on his way to the All-Star Game, what about guys like Welington Castillo, or Dayan Viciedo going for dinner after a game? Think the same is true for them?

The majority of foreign-born players who spend falls and springs in Arizona are prospects who don't earn major-league money and who don't have major-league recognition. If you haven't seen the movie "Sugar" yet, now's a good time. It's a good representation of the difficulties foreign players face when they come to the U.S. I'm of the opinion that we don't need to pile government sponsored racial profiling on top of run of the mill culture-shock.

And then there's the oodles of young Hispanic players in the game who are U.S. born citizens, but who could still fall victim to the immigration hassle because of the color of their skin, when their job requires them to be in Arizona.

Baseball should be concerned about the AZ legislation, and they should be proactive. I don't have much faith in Selig to grow a pair and do anything, but I would love to see the Players' Union throw their considerable weight around here; a much worthier cause than the doping nonsense.

I don't know what the right solution might be....at the very least, I think prospects should have the option of turning down AFL invites without worrying about their managers and GM's criticizing and penalizing that decision. Not that I want the Fall League to get all lily-white on us either, though. (I'd actually prefer if EVERYONE stuck it to AZ and the Winter League rosters in Mexico, Venezuela and the Caribbean got expanded).

And Spring Training is an even stickier situation. More teams, more players, mandatory attendance. I'm just glad the Twins are a Grapefruit League team.

Basically, I don't really care about what they do with the All-Star Game in 2011 (except to say that Minnesota does happen to have a nice shiny new stadium, and I'm sure we'd be more than willing to pinch-hit for Arizona if needed and host a game earlier than expected. Just sayin'). Critics are right. Albert Pujols isn't going to get arrested. And I don't think whether Joe Mauer spends 3 days in July in Arizona or some place else is going to make much of a political difference. I just don't want the real issues to get lost behind a largely superficial debate.

There's my two cents.

*******************************

OK. This was uncharacteristically serious. So, here's a picture of my dog trying to hump a beach ball:

And order is restored to the universe once again.

Acogíamos Wilson Ramos

2010-05-02T21:13:00.002-05:00

That would be "We Welcomed Wilson Ramos" for those of you who took French or German instead of Spanish.

My favorite thing about the Wilson Ramos call-up might be that his name is super easy to rhyme with just about any verb in Spanish.

[OK. It's probably my third favorite thing...behind the hitting and the defense. Still...I'm making a point.]

Let's practice.

We Activated Wilson Ramos: Activábamos Wilson Ramos.

We Trusted Wilson Ramos: Confiábamos Wilson Ramos.

We Played Wilson Ramos: Jugamos Wilson Ramos.

We Applauded Wilson Ramos: Aplaudíamos Wilson Ramos.

We Hugged Wilson Ramos: Abrazamos Wilson Ramos.

See? Super useful.

Wilson Ramos was definitely my favorite thing about today.

I also really dig the navy alternate jerseys paired with the new away pants. Our team looked sharp, y'all. Of course, it's not that hard to outshine those hideous Cleveland unis. Blech.

Friday Stuff

2010-04-30T06:43:00.004-05:00

Well, we knew we weren't going to win EVERY series, I guess. Although if you admit it, deep down in your heart you were kind of hoping we were.

Welcome to Detroit, where hopes and dreams go to die.

I didn't watch the game. So...there's not much I can say about it. Let's do bullet points instead.

I really hope everything is OK with the Blackburns. I worry. Since we've kind of sort of adopted the Blackburns as our most favorite baseball family, we only want sparkly good happy things for them, here at Oh It's THOSE Girls.
Target Field tours are finally for sale. I'm a little miffed that they're only offered on days when there is no home game. I'm not sure what the reasoning is...most other facilities at least offer a morning tour on gamedays. With so many Twins fans in places like Iowa, North and South Dakota, etc. who will travel to Target Field specifically FOR games, it really kind of screws them over. I drive 2 hours to games. Chances are, though I'd love to take the tour, I'm not going to waste the time or the gas to go to Target Field to NOT watch baseball. There are plenty of baseball tourists who will likely miss out on a tour too, unless they plan a trip around an off-day. Which is dumb.
A new kind of fantasy baseball game launches tomorrow at RosterSlots.com. And I was invited to participate in the "Experts League." Hold your applause, please. It combines elements of traditional fantasy baseball with the luck-of-the-spin slot machine mentality. Tell me that doesn't sound awesome. Since you can change your roster every day, with just a few spins, it adds a little bit of excitement to your fantasy life, during the long long baseball season. Go check it out. It sounds like it could be especially fun for fantasy novices. It's free...no gambling involved.
I need a team name for said new fantasy team. Someone think of something clever...I'm tapped out.

And finally, all the talk about the bad, bad, terrible, awful GB Leighton Twins song inspired me to resurrect a Friday staple from non-baseball blog days. Just for fun.

Friday Random Ten.
Put your music library in "random" mode, and post the 1st 10 songs. No editing to make yourself seem cooler allowed. (GB Leighton I am talking to you.)

Here's mine today:
1. Tristan & Iseult--The Decemberists
2. Changes in Latitudes--Jimmy Buffett
3. Get Out the Map--Indigo Girls
4. Borderline/Open Your Heart--Glee Cast (yes. I bought the entire Glee Madonna album. And I love it.)
5. Butterflies and Airplanes--The Clarks
6. The Blues are Still Blue--Belle & Sebastion
7. The Longest Day in the Afternoon--Irving
8. Inside Out--Eve 6
9. Vacation--The Go Go's
10. Whoopee Weiners--Mary Mack (local comedienne who is AMAZING.)

Have a good Friday!

blargh.

2010-04-29T06:53:00.002-05:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the early innings of hope, it was the late innings of despair. It was a night for a 5 run lead, it was a night for a 5 run loss. It was a time of Jim Thome and Luke Hughes home runs, it was a time of Pat Neshek HBP RBI insanity and Jesse Crain on the mound with inherited runners. We had everything before us, we had nothing before us. We were all going direct to the World Series, we were all going direct to a playoff watching party with the Royals and Pirates....

...you get the picture. Thanks for indulging my literary allusion.

Last night was weird and a little ugly. I kind of wish this had be a game against a west coast team, so I could have gone to sleep with happy thoughts. Oh well.

Also, I am tired of umpires. Period. And it's not even May yet.

GB Leighton's Twins Song is the New Nick Punto

2010-04-28T06:01:00.003-05:00

But this is one blog bitchfest bandwagon I don't mind jumping on....

The winning is nice. Very enjoyable. I would like it to continue ad infinitum.

HOWEVER, if the GB Leighton song torture continues all season...it's going to be a very loooong season. And there's no amount of winning that will quell the almost inevitable bleeding from ears.

That song is terrible. It's bad on FSN during games, and it's 10 times worse on the big screen at Target Field. It makes me cringe. I am embarrassed when I think of all the out of town tourists visiting Target Field, being subjected to that music video, and then inevitably thinking "Oh my...what have we gotten ourselves into? I had no idea that Minnesota, as a baseball franchise and a state, had this poor of taste in music and entertainment!"

It's forced and awkward, and tries to be a lot cooler than it is. Which is absolutely the worst kind of lame. And it's not even catchy. [Although, perhaps I should be thankful for that fact. If I ever get that song stuck in my head, bad bad things might happen.]

We deserve better, dammit. I'm happy to know that I'm not alone in my blistering hatred for said musical number. Eric from Call To The 'Pen has repeatedly, and snarkily, voiced his justified disapproval on his Twitter stream, which makes me happy in my heart. There was a very telling survey over at Twinkie Town, showing how much we all really hate this song. And I just joined Facebook groups called "I Hate GB Leightons Twins Song" and "Twins Need A Better Theme Song." Because if we can't make it stop, at least we can commiserate with like-minded people, I guess.

But aside from the daily dose of GB Leighton's terrible Twins song, and the occassional unfortunate Bieber appearance, the musical selections at Target Field seem pretty good to me, with lots of non-cringeworthy local flavor. The Replacements, Prince, Brother Ali....all good. "Sunday Girl" at Sunday games also makes me happy in my heart. If we could just snuff out that supposed theme song, we'd be nearing perfection.

The weekend according to screenshots.

2010-04-26T19:53:00.004-05:00

I think the weekend series against the Royals can best be summed up with two excellent screenshots that have made their way around the internet.

Exhibit A, from Royals Review:

Now, we have lost more than our fair share of games on heinously bad officiating, so I don't feel too bad. But after such a long and strange game, winning that way was extremely unsatisfying. My condolences to Royals fans. But...they won the next game, so buck up little campers.

Exhibit B, from about 50 different places, so I don't know who to credit:

This is good to know. All the fangbangers can leave him alone now. I left during the house for 5 minutes mid-game, and I miss THIS. What was it in reference to? Day games vs night games? His flat refusal to make Zack Greinke's "neck a chalice and drink deep" during weird team rituals? Either way, it makes for an amusing graphic.

For all the Mauerphiles out there, make sure you tune in or set your DVRs for ESPN's E:60 tonight at 6pm CT. The Joe Mauer segment airs tonight. It looks pretty cute. I mean, I have a dream that one day all of the positive national media attention we manage to eke out won't be 100% Mauer focused...but today is not that day, and I'll take what I can get. It's Jeter & Pedroia-free programming, huzzah!

Joe's grandpa tells a story about Joe almost getting his clothes ripped off by a Mauer-frenzied mob at Target (product placement alert!)...so that should be fun. You can watch a preview right now (the Mauer spot is the 2nd clip down):

Crazy coincidences.

2010-04-18T21:10:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the first time Those Girls were able to get to Target Field together. We are trying not to take it personally that it also happened to be the worst Twins team performance of the season thus far. That's just a crazy coincidence, right? RIGHT?!

It's also just a coincidence that the Royals only scored runs when we were not at our seats. We were seated in our section for the first inning....and every thing was fine. We got up to wander around and forage for food, and BAM: Carl Pavano Meltdown --which, like a prophet, I had foretold in the car on the way to the game. No joke. (However, in my version, the Twins offense made an epic comeback instead of "stranding a small village on base," to borrow Brendan Harris's best quote ever.) We made a couple complete loops around the field. It's shiny and new and different and requires in-depth multi-inning exploration...also the fact that both of us suffer from a crippling and somewhat embarrassing fear of heights made sitting in our steeply-pitched 300 level seats a little unpleasant.

We ventured back to our seats as just as Pavano left the game. Purely coincidental. We watched Alex Burnett be totally awesome for a few innings, and every thing seemed like it was under control again. Mahay was fine. And then we left early, giving the Royals the confidence boost to tack 3 more runs on against Crain.

Now...leaving a game early is something we neither condone nor generally participate in. But it's going to be a sad reality for us this season, we're afraid. The bullpen pitchers [that we like] need to adjust their performance accordingly.

Overall, everyone can just add us to the chorus of praise for the park. It's gorgeous. Much prettier than the tiny Target Field model suggested. The environmental consciousness and handicapped accessibility stand out as huge bonus points, when comparing it to similar MLB parks. Four thumbs up from Those Girls, although we have decided we need new good luck rituals for this ballpark, because clearly our old ones did NOT work yesterday.

Coping Mechanism

2010-04-12T21:58:00.004-05:00

How Those Girls cope with missing the home opener this year....

We think about Garrett Jones thinking about puppies.

I hear it was a raucous good time today, and I am genuinely happy for everyone who went, (and way to go Jason Kubel!), but I am super bummed out and I don't really want to talk about it.

Crowning a Biggest Twins Fan

2010-04-11T21:13:00.007-05:00

This weekend, the Rock Bottom Brewery downtown hosted the finals of their "Biggest Twins Fan" contest. Lipgloss & Baseball and I were on hand to live-tweet the event. So, right off the bat, you know it's going to be a good time. There were some other familiar Twins-blog names in attendance too. John from TwinsMVB was a finalist, and Jon from TwinkieTown (sorry for misspelling your name earlier Jon!) was a celebrity judge. (Wow...Jo[h]n is a really popular name.]) K-Bro came out to cheer the uber-fans on too, which was awesome. It was a great time. Any time there's an event that not only tolerates, but celebrates and requires extra doses of fun and silliness from fans, that's a good thing in my book. Big thanks to Rock Bottom for hosting and hooking us up with beverages and delish food freebies.

Snapped a few pics, for everyone who couldn't make it out.

TC was out and about, shown here with fab MC Dawn Brodey (a fellow Wisconsin native who has good taste in baseball and rejected the Brewers early in life in spite of geographical peer pressure. Rock on.) TC mauled me a little bit, before the event. But in a nice way, I guess. If you have to be mauled by a bear, you want it to be TC.

Jen models the free t-shirts given out that night. If you wear the shirt, you get 2-for-1 beers on every Twins home game day. That's pretty good deal. If you didn't get a shirt...be jealous. Be very jealous.

Michelle was the only woman in the finals. Girl power!

There was some pretty intense math involved in one of the rounds of competition. Finalists needed to figure out how long it would take someone with a given annual salary to earn 1/6th of Mauer's contract. No one got the math right, but I like this answer. He even showed his work. Sort of.

This is Joel. He cemented his spot in the finals by getting a pretty large Minnesota Twins tattoo on his forearm. That's dedication.

High point of the night was definitely dizzy bat. This is mostly because it is funny to watch people fall down. Contestants had to spin 10 times, then find 3 wiffle balls and throw them in a bucket. Our table was dangerously close to the action, and K-bro almost got taken out a few times. No one threw up, though. And this event yielded the best quote of the night: "Drop the bat! Find your balls!"

Fan Favorite contestant Ross had a whole entourage, complete with American Idol-like fan signs. Delightful.

And in spite of being reminded not to be swayed by the powers of adorable baby girls in teeny tiny Twins jerseys (please note the jersey is not pink...bonus points), I think the judges probably gave Ross a little extra consideration for his excellent use of props.

And Ross walked away the winner, and took home a trip to Spring Training 2011 valued at $1500. Pretty good payoff for an evening of shenanigans and public humiliation.

He may be crowned the Biggest Twins Fan, but I like to think that it's mostly just a figurehead role. I'll continue to be in the Twins Fan Parliament and do the heavy lifting.

Week In Review

2010-04-09T10:45:00.002-05:00

Any week that ends with more wins than losses is a good one. Cookies for [almost] everyone! [Not so fast Jon Rauch. No cookies for you.] Delmon and J.J. can split the extra cookie.

A cookie also goes to my personal front-runner for Man of the Year, Umpire Joe West, who has suffered ridicule and chastising for pointing out that the Emperors Have No Clothes (or at least they're too slow putting the clothes on). I have long whined about how the Red Sox and Yankees can play as slow as they want. My mother and I have a theory that their slow play is designed for maximum potential face-time...we call it Ego Lag time.

If everyone was allowed to get away with such pokey play, that'd be one thing. (I'd probably stop watching most games...but at least it'd be fair.) But remember this day? Brendan Harris called for time, was denied without knowing it, and a pitch sailed a little too close for comfort to his unsuspecting head. Gardenhire complained, and was fined for a Pace of Game violation. The ump in that game was more than willing to compromise the safety of our player to keep the game moving, but regular 9-inning games between the Red Sox and Yankees are considered short if they last 4 hours? Gimme a break.

Papelbon made some comment about how their games are like a movie that's so good you wish it could last forever. Excuse me while I barf a little. First of all, there is no such thing as a movie that is so good you want it to last 4 hours. There are movies that are so good, you tolerate a 3.5 hour runtime...but they are few and far between. Secondly, that's a pretty generous self-assessment. You're no Gone With the Wind, Jonathan. Great long movies are chock full of interesting plot, not watching pitchers and catchers chitchat, or Derek Jeter call time before every single pitch.

So, kudos to you Joe West. Selig may not be happy with you right now, but welcome to my Christmas Card List!

One down.

2010-04-06T10:11:00.005-05:00

What I'm taking away from yesterday:

Scotty Baker can only pitch amazingly when I am present. I already knew this deep down, but last night confirmed it.
Delmon Young just wants to be loved. I think if we throw some left-over hero worship his way, he will astound and amaze.
The new road uniforms look awesome. So much better. SO SO much better. I love them.
My silly paper fortune-teller prediction of Garrett Jones being the NL MVP is looking pretty darn smart 1 day into the season. He is a beast.

Let's look at a picture of Garrett to make ourselves feel better about the Twins losing. [It helps, trust me.]

Aaaahhh. Much better, no?

Today is a new day, and I have every faith that Nick Blackburn is going to put up his first W against the Angels tonight.

Merry Opening Day, and a Happy New Year!

2010-04-05T09:23:00.005-05:00

Happy Opening Day, everyone!

I don't count yesterday, because Yankees/Red Sox hype is annoying and I choose not to participate and create a false sense of demand. Yankees/Red Sox games are like the blood diamonds of baseball. Just say no.

But today is like all the best holidays rolled into one. I really think Opening Day should be a chocolate/presents/day off work kind of holiday. I just need a stronger lobbying force in D.C. to get it done.

I sure wish we weren't starting out the season on the west coast, though. Because A) I worry too much about our boys when earthquakes hit and B) the Pacific time zone is only cool when you live there.

In other sort-of baseball-related news, I was bummed to see the Indians 3B coach Steve Smith booted off Amazing Race last night. Steve and his daughter were my 2nd favorite team, in spite of my divisional loyalties.

Twins Predictions: Better Late Than Never

2010-04-02T20:58:00.017-05:00

I didn't want to miss out on Josh's Predictions meme today...so here I am. I spent today looking for dolphins (BTW, is there anything cuter than a super-adorable Marine Biologist named "Noah?" I vote NO.) and buying citrus (no scurvy for me!).

But I think if I squeak this out before midnight it should count, right? Plus mine is labor intensive, so I should get bonus points.

I mean...I could just make willy nilly predictions myself....

OR I could make an origami paper fortune teller and do that instead. That involves finding paper and scissors in my Florida hosts' house, and googling the directions to make one (I haven't been in fourth grade for a very long time) and then actually making one (or 3) and taking pictures of it. And well...that seems like a much more reasonable plan.

Let's do this!!!

Twins-Specific Predictions
Twins MVP:

The origami has spoken. "Blue" and "6" brings me to Michael Cuddyer. See? This is fun.
Twins Top Pitcher:
Nick Blackburn. I love this fortune teller! (also, the color red.)

Twins Best Rookie:

He's still technically a rookie right? Obviously he is. The origami fortune teller would not lie.

Most Adorable Twin:

An interesting, but viable, choice dear fortune teller. Very interesting.

Bold Prediction: Joe Mauer doesn't stay healthy the whole season. I know, I know. I'm really going out on a limb there. And I didn't even use the fortune teller for that one. (I assume "Bold Prediction" means "Prediction most likely to yield a large amount of hate mail.)

A.L. Central Prediction (Standings): Another one I'll just do myself....1 White Sox, 2 Twins, 3 Indians, 4 Royals, 5 Tigers

Three Keys to Success for the Twins:
This is definitely a job for the 2nd fortune teller of the evening...

Hey...the origami doesn't interpret the answers, it just gives you the facts.

Rest of the League Predictions
A.L. MVP:

N.L. MVP:
Hmm. I LIKE it!
A.L. Cy Young:

OK. I'll admit that the fortune teller is probably wrong on this. But I guess he DID pitch that one inning last season, so anything is possible.

N.L. Cy Young:
Even a paper fortune teller knows that he is salivating at the thought of pitching in the NL.

A.L. Rookie of the Year:

Clearly the origami is referring to SCOTT Sizemore, who DOES wear pants in his photographs.

N.L. Rookie of the Year:

And the fortune teller makes the safe bet here.

A.L. Breakout Player of the Year:

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

N.L. Breakout Player of the Year:
Well, maybe once he gets off the bench. It could happen. Maybe the paper thought I was asking about adorable floppy hair or uber-niceness or something?

OK...unless I want to make more of these paper things and get busted to using colors like "Burnt Umber" and "Chartreuse" I will take it from here on my own.

A.L. Comeback Player of the Year: Ian Kinsler. Does he qualify? I have to pick him for something and the origami was not cooperating. Maybe if he's hurt at the beginning of the season, he can be healthy and awesome for the rest of it.
N.L. Comeback Player of the Year: Matt Capps.
A.L. Playoff Predictions: Red Sox, White Sox, Rangers, Yankees
N.L. Playoff Predictions: Phillies, Cards, Giants, Mets
World Series Prediction: Um...Rangers vs. Giants. Let's dare to dream.

The crazy long day of baseball.

2010-03-29T21:05:00.012-05:00

Game 1: Astros at Pirates:
Every time I go to a Pirates game, I feel like the team is recruiting me to their fandom in the same way colleges recruit blue chip athletes. I think the Pirates recognize the awesome magical powers of my baseball fandom, and they want a piece. Perhaps they view the powerful mojo I bring to the ballpark as the missing component that would make them a viable threat in the NL Central (well, that and consistent pitching I guess). They're extra special nice to me and always give me free things. Today I got 2 free posters, free Cracker Jacks and after infield drills, Delwyn Young called me over to the field and gave me a ball. For no reason. Go Pirates!

I also met some great Pirates fans who quickly became my enablers in the ever constant production of Project Fangirl: Garrett Jones. I loved them.

In a surprising turn of events, the Pirates mopped the floor with the Astros. Which was great. When Garrett hit a homerun (with someone on base even!) there was much shrieking and fist bumping in our newly formed Garrett Jones Fan Club section. Unfortunately the unchecked offensive production meant that the game was loooong. So long, in fact, that I had just enough time to get back to the house, change the camera battery I killed, swap my LaRoche Pirates shirt for a Nick Markakis O's shirt and fly out the door for...

Game 2: Yankees at Orioles:
I viewed this as sort of a Jane Goodall-like experiment to see if I could successfully infiltrate the world of the AL East. Turns out I passed for a die-hard Orioles fan pretty easily tonight. And witty banter with various vendors and attendants sharpened my Yankee-bashing skills just in time for the regular season. I'm really glad the AL East is not my permanent full-time division though. I like my AL Central. We're a lot nicer.

I also happened to be sitting in the same section as the nice folks behind the Goldklang Group's twitter account, and we had a random tweet-up pre-game. Very cool. The Saint Paul Saints and the Ft Myers Miracle are a couple of the Goldklang Group's clients.

On tap for tomorrow, Pirates at Twins in Ft Myers.

Pics from today:

If there's one thing I like more than pitchers batting...it's pitchers batting EIGHTH...

...And then getting a hit.

Garrett Jones, pre-home run

I was clearly not the only one with eyes for Jones today.

Octavio Dotel looked really sharp today. Almost back to form just in time!

I never cease to be entertained by Hunter Pence's spindly little chicken legs.

This is what it looks like when Joba is softly throwing a baseball at you. Still kind of intimidating.

Pirates at Rays: AKA Christmas in March

2010-03-28T20:24:00.008-05:00

Today was pretty fabulous. I know I'm supposed to be a Twins fan and all...but I won't lie, when I bought my rockin' seats for this Pirates/Rays game, it kind of became the crown jewel in my collection of spring training games. I planned it out so as to be located at the precise spot in the ballpark to facilitate optimum fangirling of both Garrett Jones AND Jason Bartlett simultaneously.

Of course, being spring training, it's hard to guarantee seeing specific players, but I put my faith in the fact that when I want something, the Pirates are able to somehow sense it and give it to me. True story. I did get a little bit nervous when I realized that Pittsburgh was fielding split squads today, so the entire drive to Port Charlotte I used all of my psychic powers to will Garrett to go south instead of north.

It worked! And as a bonus, they threw in Andrew McCutchen, and had Ross Ohlendorf pitching. The Pirates like to make me happy.

The Rays, not wanting to be outdone in the Catering to My Every Whim Department, had Jason Bartlett in the line-up, with Matt Garza pitching. They also played "Just What I Needed," and the 3rd base coach let me be one of his helpers to throw bubble gum to the kids in our section. The only black mark against the Rays was that all the Barty t-shirts in the shop were too big.

I had built up the anticipation for Garrett-Jason Day to a feverish level before my trip, and all in all I have to say my expectations were exceeded. Good Job Rays and Pirates!

Charlotte Sports Park is really pretty. I'm a little bit in love with it.

Those Girls always joke that for the prices some ballparks charge, we should be able to sit IN the dugout. I came within 4 seats of livin' the dream today. This is a dangerous place to sit, because it requires extreme amounts of willpower.

Yup.

Andrew McCutchen enjoys being awesome at baseball AND being nice and considerate to fans. Also, he likes cool shades.

Poor Ross got LIT UP by the Rays today. I felt sad for him.

Hello Matt Garza.

Maybe it was just the angle, but Matt seemed a lot less spitty today.

What up, Jason?

Oh, Garrett. You are so pretty. *sigh*

Garrett Jones and Bobby Crosby. Is it just me, or does Crosby look 100x better now that he can wear appropriately colored footwear?

Who knew that admission to today's game would include a ticket to the gun show? (To put that joke in context, there actually WAS a gun show across the road.)

Jason Bartlett takes baseball VERY seriously.

Carl Crawford is all kinds of awesome. That is all.

Now Jason Bartlett looks sleepy.

The following 2 pics I snapped just for JS at Baseball Heavy:

Twins-Orioles at Ed Smith Stadium

2010-03-26T21:36:00.004-05:00

This is where Birdland goes for the winter now. The Orioles are now in the stadium that previously housed the Reds. The best part of this change: the local fare the Reds served was a weird red hot dog...but now there's crabcake sandwiches. Game, Set, Match Baltimore.

Scott Baker looked AMAZING. Like an Opening Day pitcher should look. The Orioles had a lineup pretty similar to their Opening Day squad, and aside from a couple runs late in his appearance, he made the batters look positively silly. They looked like they were trying to miss the ball. All the Orioles fans near me were quite impressed with him. (And one guy behind me was horrified that he passed up Baker in a fantasy draft in favor of Ricky Nolasco. Rightly so.)

And watching Pat Neshek pitch in person again, finally, was pretty amazing. I'm still basking in the funky Pat Nesheky awesomeness of the moment.

I love this picture because it makes me feel like I'm in a time warp.

And I love this picture because it looks funny.

Tomorrow: Red Sox at Orioles....but I'm a lot less excited about it with 0% chance of it being A Very Boofy Roadtrip for the Sox. If presented with any particularly enticing alternatives, I could probably be persuaded to skip it altogether. Which is sad...usually I feel like baseball is baseball...but a random AL East matchup (unless that matchup is Toronto and the Rays) is less appealing.

It wasn't me. I swear.

2010-03-23T10:10:00.002-05:00

If you want to feel a wee bit less good about yourself and your self worth, you should try the Joe Mauer Salary Crunch at espn.com. It'll tell you exactly how long Joe Mauer has to work to make your annual salary. Funny and depressing at the same time!

Predictably, I am subscribed to Google News and Blog alerts with the keyword phrase "Boof Bonser," because it's harder to keep tabs on him now that he is far far away. Imagine my alarm when I read this headline in my inbox:

Bonser felt 'grabbing' in his groin Monday

(I feel the need to point out that it was NOT me. I have an alibi.)

I further feel the need to point out that as I am currently packing for Florida, I am NOT OK with a Boof Bonser injury. I believe I gave very clear and explicit instructions to the Red Sox organization and fans that Boof was not to be harmed in this transaction. Color me displeased.

Just making sure...

2010-03-22T12:40:00.002-05:00

Lunch is on Mauer today, right?

I thought I heard that somewhere.

Adopt-a-Mauer!

2010-03-19T10:00:00.003-05:00

Mauer needs a good home. He likes toys a lot, but gets a little nervous and over-anxious around small children (Just like me!). He is the very, very handsome fellow on this page.

I thought maybe some good-hearted Twins fan might be interested in helping out.

As long as we're talking about Mauer....

The Joe Mauer thinkexist.com quotes page is mildly amusing to me. My favorites include, but are not limited to:

“He tried talking to me, but I knew the guy had the ball. So I pretty much knew.”
“I was trying to hit the ball hard somewhere, but both times right at people.”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?”
“She was with her mom, and they were joking around.”

I also like that a significant number of Joe's quotes include the phrase "it is what it is." Quelle Minnesotan.

A quick request

2010-03-16T10:41:00.002-05:00

Ladies, if you have a spare minute, go check out the Metsgrrl post about the MLB/Victoria's Secret partnership and give her your thoughts.

If this was a serious blog....

2010-03-12T11:06:00.002-06:00

If this was a serious blog,

Would I post this?

Oakland's feral wiener dog problem has gotten seriously out of hand.

Nope. I would not. Would I also therefore be the proud owner of the #1 Google result for the phrase "Feral Wiener Dog?"

No. Obviously not.

If this was a serious blog, would I tell you that if Nick Punto was an episode of Supernatural, he would be "Changing Channels?" Or that if Jon Rauch was an episode of Supernatural, he would be "Jump the Shark?"

No. I would not.

If this was a serious blog, would I reference Adorableness Quotient and Total Awesomeness Rating as the primary stats of importance?

No. If this was a serious blog it would look more like this:
blah blah blah blah blah blah BABIP blah blah blah blah VORP blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

If this was a serious blog, would I make musical montages to express my feelings, like this one? Or this one?

Once again, the answer is no. Serious blogs do NOT make musical montages.

If this was a serious blog, I would not write fairytales or bedtime stories about the players, I would not have blog tags like "Unicorns" or "Hairstyles," I would not make Nick Swisher Sharpie tattoos on my skin in an effort to jinx his performance on the field, and I would not be furiously baking cupcakes in dinosaur wrappers for a baseball & baked goods themed meetup this weekend.

In fact, if this was a serious blog, I would probably not post anything at all. There are literally dozens of really well-written serious blogs about Twins baseball. I enjoy reading some of them. They can be very insightful. I just don't want to have one myself. If I have to take stuff like this seriously, I better be getting paid for it.

Since I am doing this for free, simply to entertain myself, I want to have fun, and be silly and ridiculous.

So, the moral of this blog post is: This Is Not A Serious Blog. And if people don't like me being silly and ridiculous, that's fine. There are a lot of places they can go that are completely serious and ridiculous free zones. I don't go to the serious we-mean-business blogs and post my nonsense there, because that's not the place for it. This is the place for it.

But if you kind of like being silly and ridiculous too, or can respectfully appreciate that other people do, we can have loads of fun together. Let's be friends!

David Aardsma Is My Spirit Guide

2010-03-10T09:44:00.002-06:00

Longtime blog readers may remember that for some unknown reason I sometimes have recurring dreams about David Aardsma (like this one. And this one.) For no reason.

Yes, you guessed it. David Aardsma has made another cameo appearance in my subconscious. I blame Eric Karabell for writing a fantasy column comparing Crabbypants Rauch this year, to David Aardsma last year. I naturally took exception to the analogy, because I like David Aardsma.

Anyway, once David Aardsma creeps into my brain he is very, very hard to remove I guess.

Last night I ran into David Aardsma at Pizza Hut while we were both redeeming Bookit certificates for free personal pan pizzas. It was very random. On the positive side, Dream David Aardsma now recognizes me in my dreams. I think that's progress.

But I woke up this morning with the realization that I keep dreaming about David Aardsma because he is my spirit guide! That has to be it. It's the only reasonable explanation.

I'm not exactly sure what this most recent dream means. I should eat at Pizza Hut more often? I should be reading more books? Maybe I will try both.

But I do know that from this day forward I will consider David Aardsma to be my own personal oracle, to help guide me along the right lifepath.

I'm tempted to write him a letter today to ask if I should go back to having bangs.

They Say Bad News Comes in Threes....

2010-03-09T08:47:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was hit with the blow that, in all reality, I will never eat a hotdog at a Twins home game again. I have some pretty strong opinions about the ickiness of Schweigert hotdogs, and I cannot imagine a situation where I would willingly consume one. Possibly, if I was under duress and the fate of the free world hung in the balance, I might consider eating one....but I couldn't make any guarantees.

And now this morning we wake up with the news that Joe Nathan tore his UCL, which leaves us sweating out 2 weeks of agonizing anticipation before he even touches a baseball again, and forcing us to consider who might be our closer in the worst case scenario.

People keep saying Jon Rauch and it's making me nauseous. More nauseous than I was while I was imagining being force-fed Schweigert natural casing hotdogs in order to save mankind, even.

See...I used to think Jon Rauch was interesting and novel, with his giant stature and terrifying body art. But then he was a total jerkoff to fans at TwinsFest (you don't have to take my word for it...there were plenty of first hand accounts of Rauch douchiness), and any goodwill I had toward Rauch disappeared.

While I am always first and foremost a Minnesota Twins fan, I have a hard time cheering for known d-bags, even if they're wearing a Twins uni....especially when they take out that d-bagginess on the fans. In fact, in Rauch's case, since there were so many reports of fan disgruntlement after TwinsFest, I was considering instituting a personal policy wherein I would only cheer for Rauch in pitching situations where the opposing player/team's Douchiness Percentile is greater than or equal to his own. If Rauch is pitching in save situations, this is going to make things even more complicated and emotionally stressful.

So, I cast my official unofficial vote for Matt Guerrier to be the interim closer, because he is adorable, good at baseball and always very nice to the fans.

But if bad news does come in threes...I'm a little nervous about what else might be coming down the road. Unless I can still count the whole Boof Bonser going to Boston thing.

Trombone of Doom

2010-03-04T11:53:00.004-06:00

Watching the Pirates [read: Garrett Jones] play the Yankees [spit gag barf] yesterday reminded me what I like about Spring Training games. They don't just warm up the players to get them ready for a competitive season, they're a good warm up for being a fan too. It's a good transition from high-pressure end-of-season/post-season fandom where everything matters way more than it should. It's just the opposite....there's nothing to get particularly worked up about. The scoreboard is merely a formality. You can be excited and hopeful about the little things that work, but when things go wrong, it's not the end of the world. It's very chill.

Spring training games are actually a lot like little kids' soccer games. In a good way. Everybody gets to play at some point, even if they're really really bad. Rain? Let's just call it a day. Extra innings for a tie game? hmmm.... nah. We're tired. Call it a tie and let's go home.

Of course, all that being said, the mere existence of the "Mayor's Cup" rivalry changes things a little. When the Twins play the Red Sox, I get more hyper than I am for any other games. It kind of makes me wish we had symbolic totems at stake for every AL opponent during the regular season, just to make things more entertaining for myself. I may have to invent some, time permitting. [For example, I think that the winner of the season series between the Twins and Oakland A's should win the "Trombone of Doom."]

Of course, having Boof on the Red Sox roster this spring changes things a little. Because if he pitches against the Twins...I'm cheering for Boof. Nothing personal... and I won't cheer for the Red Sox to win or anything extreme like that. But when he strikes out a Twins batter, I will cheer, unapologetically. Thankfully, he pitched yesterday for the Sox (and he was awesome, thankyouverymuch), so my loyalty won't be tested tonight. Which is good, because I love the pitching schedule the Twins have lined up for us tonight quite a lot. A Nick Blackburn/Kevin Slowey/Pat Neshek start to the game is exactly what Those Girls would pencil in if we got to make those choices.

True Confessions of Baseballiholics

2010-02-26T01:15:00.002-06:00

This topic was inspired by Cyn from the Toeing the Rubber Red Sox blog. On her twitter account yesterday she made a great baseball confession.

It hit close to home, and I was reminded of the time Those Girls each skipped out on a wedding we were supposed to attend (both weddings were held on the same day), in favor of going to a sports bar together to watch the Twins play the White Sox on TV. It wasn't a particularly important game...not like an end-of-the-season-pennant-chase-nail-biter kind of game. It was just a run of the mill mid-season game against a divisional opponent we play a bazillion times every season. I think that makes it funnier, personally.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Heck, it still seems like a good idea. I'm not sorry either.

So, now that I've shared one of my baseball-crazy stories, I will open it up to the group. It's time to confess the craziest and/or least socially-acceptable thing you've done for the love of baseball. Don't worry. This is a safe place. Unless you've out and out committed a felony or harmed a puppy, we won't judge.

Links N Things

2010-02-23T01:31:00.006-06:00

The title is an awkward homage to Glee. I was re-watching the DVDs and I have the line: "Howard, if you can't fold a fitted sheet, you cannot work at Sheets N Things!" stuck in my head now for some odd reason.

Anyway. Let's have some more bullet points. I feel like I can never have too many bullet points.

Hat-tip to Michele for pointing this amazing Craigslist ad out to me on Twitter. I think the author and myself may be kindred on a deeply spiritual level. Reading it definitely made my day. If I had tickets to give, I'd give them to this person for free.

[screenshot in case the link stops working]

In other news, Joe Mauer shaved. I'm not kidding. It's really news. It's in headlines and everything. Sadly this means the "Joe Mauer Beard" bump in traffic over at Call to the 'Pen might be over.

Further north, in Bradenton, Florida, our good friend Garrett Jones had to switch practice fields after breaking a car window with a home run hit into a nearby parking lot. Garrett Jones can break my car windows with home runs anytime he wants. Although, I am making a mental note of where not to park my rental car at the Pirates games I'll be at this spring.

Random Stuff and the Beer Baseball & Baked Goods Meetup

2010-02-22T12:32:00.004-06:00

I hope everyone had a great Pitchers and Catchers Day yesterday. I celebrated with cake. Well, technically it was my aunt's birthday cake, but I pretended that half of it was Pitchers and Catchers Day cake.

And now for a series of random thoughts.

With the late reporting date, Pitchers and Catchers Day was a little anti-climactic, since most everyone had gotten to Ft Myers before yesterday anyway. But even the Twins' later-than-average reporting date was not late enough to get Jose Mijares's "visa issues" straightened out. (Just a heads up to Jose: the Twins play in Toronto in July. Be proactive.)

Curses to Bill Smith for forcing me to pay attention to what goes on in Red Sox spring training. Here's a story about Boof. Boof had nice things to say about his former Twins teammates...but I guess he won't miss TC that much:

“Good bunch of guys in that clubhouse,’’ Bonser said. “It was one big group. I hope I get to pitch against them in spring training. That would be a lot of fun. Maybe I’ll try and hit the mascot.’’

First Ryan Braun....now Shane Victorino. I feel like there needs to be a support group or something for baseball players who DON'T wear skulls. It's probably pretty lonely for them.

If you missed out on the awesome get-together bbq-less bbq we had this summer, have no fear. I'm planning a little blogger/blog-reader/twitter/Twins fan meet-up this spring. On Saturday, March 13th, FSN is airing the Twins/Phillies spring training exhibition game at noon. We're calling it Baseball, Beer and Baked Goods as the idea was originally born as an excuse to get together with Twins-lovin' friends and sample cookies and cupcakes.
When: March 13th 11:45am til whenever
Where: Champps in Ritchfield (790 W. 66th Street)
Who: Everyone's invited. If you're interested, send me a quick email, just so I have a rough headcount to give Champps to make sure we have some seating set aside by a TV.
And as long as you're marking things on your calendar, the 3rd Blogs With Balls sports-blog/new media conference is being held in Chicago this summer. It's going to be June 5th, in the Captain Morgan Club inside Wrigley. I think it'd be pretty sweet to have a Twins blogger delegation (especially a female Twins blogger delegation.) I'm making tentative plans to attend. If anyone else is thinking about it, we should coordinate!

MerchandiseFail

2010-02-20T01:45:00.006-06:00

I was checking out some new Twins gear to prepare for the new season at fogdog.com. I noticed that they have a nicer price than mlb.com for player t-shirts, and I looked to see the list of roster players available for personalization.

They're up-to-date enough to have Hardy 27 shirts and Hudson 1 shirts, but behind in the times enough to have Mahay 37 shirts [Am I the only one who keeps forgetting he was on the team? Because I do. And then I feel bad about it] and Keppel 44 shirts....so I guess that evens out.

But then I saw that if I wanted, I could buy a Nate "McClouth" 24 t-shirt. I am not sure WHY I would want to do that....but I guess it's nice to have options.

I was curious, and briefly worried that somehow I had fallen WAY out of the loop. So I checked the mlb.com store, thinking that the extra $7 they charge for the exact same shirts would buy me a little bit more accuracy. Nope. They too are willing to make me a "McClouth 24" Twins shirt if I want one.

It's super weird. And I know it's just a lame computer glitch somewhere, but I don't know what's sadder: that the mlb.com computers think he's a member of the Minnesota Twins, or that the mlb.com computers don't know that his name is actually spelled McLouth.

"Frankly, this worries me."

2010-02-19T06:23:00.000-06:00

So, it is Be a Rays Fan Day today, to celebrate their pitchers and catchers reporting for duty. Naturally, this was a good excuse to think about and reflect how much we still love Jason Bartlett here at Oh, It's Those Girls: Baseball Blog.

That was the plan, anyway...

Until I found a picture of Jason Bartlett wearing a t-shirt from Ryan Braun's clothing line.

Welcome to my tangent:

For pictures of more baseball players wearing the shirts, you can go here and scroll through the pictures. Grady Sizemore actually IS wearing a shirt this time, so that's refreshing. (He is also presumably wearing pants, but I can't say for sure.)

Now, on one side, I have to hand it to Braun for thinking like an entrepreneur and skipping the middle man. I have to imagine the brainstorming process went a little something like "Why are we, as professional athletes and C-list celebrities, giving all of our money to Christian Audigier for gaudy over-priced Ed Hardy t-shirts?! We can make loud clothing with skulls and too much foil all by ourselves, dammit!"

On the OTHER hand, seeing the pics really makes me want to get Tim Gunn and Ryan Braun in a room together for a quick lecture about "using an editing eye." And maybe Tim could toss in a friendly "frankly, this worries me," for good measure.

J.J. Hardy is sporting the look too. But I'm choosing to believe it was more of a "I'm a good friend and teammate" thing than a "I genuinely love this shirt and wear it around the house all the time" thing. (Like how I always buy things I don't want at Pampered Chef parties. Sometimes you have to buy/wear stuff you don't like to keep your friends happy. It's part of the social contract.) Because in my reality, J.J. Hardy dresses like Dean Winchester on Supernatural, and I refuse to believe any differently now.

In fairness to Ryan Braun, the clothes aren't AWFUL, they're just sort of derivative. And really, really LOUD. And shiny. Dear lord are they shiny....

So...to sum up: Happy Pitchers and Catchers Report day to the Rays fans, and I think loud shiny menswear is kind of silly. The End.

Kinsler Time

2010-02-18T06:45:00.000-06:00

As I warned you yesterday, today I am masquerading as a Texas Rangers fan in a shameless effort to worm my way into their Pitchers and Catchers Reporting fun.

And while he is neither a pitcher nor a catcher, this seems like an almost-appropriate occasion for some random unsolicited Ian Kinsler hero worship.

Why not?

Things I like about Ian Kinsler:

I like that Ian Kinsler gets along so well with his teammates.

(Especially because it means more dancing.)

I like that Ian Kinsler has cool hair.

And I like that Ian Kinsler is sort of just all-around adorable all the time. I appreciate that.

The fact that he is also so very good at baseball is just kind of overkill at this point.

Tune in tomorrow, when I celebrate pitchers and catchers reporting as a Rays fan. If you guessed that there might be some unapologetic Jason Bartlett fangirling on the horizon, you wouldn't be wrong.

I'm feeling covetous.

2010-02-17T13:26:00.002-06:00

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Reporting Date.....but I can't help it. I'm super jealous of all the fans of teams whose pitchers and catchers reported today. I am also vicariously living through them. I need baseball to start. NOW, dammit!

So, I am declaring my self an Official Pittsburgh Pirates Fan today and celebrating Pitchers and Catchers reporting anyway. I think I can blend. No one will notice.

Go Bucs!

Then tomorrow, I'm going to be a Texas Rangers fan and celebrate all over again. Then the next day, I'll be a Rays fan. You get the picture. (The 2oth is tough though, because only the Dodgers, White Sox and A's report. I'll probably just hibernate that day.)

I really don't think it's an exaggeration to say the next 3 and a half days before Twins pitchers and catchers report might be the longest 3 days of my life.

And in my haze of baseball-lessness fueled madness, I've found this...which I also covet. I'm not sure I can realistically justify buying myself a nearly $200 baseball bonsai just because it's snowy out and I miss baseball...but I haven't ruled it out.

Happy Nick Punto Day, in iambic pentameter. (sort of).

2010-02-12T11:51:00.005-06:00

After brief deliberation, I have decided that the most appropriate way for me to celebrate this first Nick Punto Day was to write a Petrarchan (ie Italian...get it?!) Sonnet in his honor. None of that fluffy Shakespearean nonsense for me. No way. Not on Nick Punto Day.

I must admit that I fudged on the iambic pentameter just a smidge. (My sincere apologies to my old English prof Dr. Neuhaus.) But I DID write this sucker in approximately 4 minutes, which should count for something, I think.

So, Happy Nick Punto Day everyone! I'm going to dig out the unicorn barrettes in celebration.

Sonnet #8

In style I celebrate Nick Punto Day

Pen difficult verses for the fellow

Who smells like dreams and looks fab in yellow,

The best piranha who is not a Ray.

Lots of guys hate him, but just let me say:

Adorable, fan-friendly and mellow

Turns many a lady’s knees to Jell-O,

To us, “More Punto” is always okay.

His taste in Eighties music makes me swoon.

Mentally block ALDS Game Three;

And he makes me happy as Fox’s “Glee.”

I’d watch a Li’l Nicky Punto cartoon.

Off-season crazy has set in for me.

Thank the Baseball Gods spring training starts soon.

And if you're looking for a suitable way to celebrate Nick Punto Day with your family, I suggest a read-aloud of How Nick Punto Came To Be. Very festive.

Twinsfest Awards of Excellence 2010

2010-02-02T02:30:00.001-06:00

More interesting than the Grammy's, more critically esteemed than the Academy Awards, boozier than the Golden Globes, it is time once again to reveal the winners of this year's Twinsfest Awards of Excellence.

[Note, that I did briefly flirt with the idea of changing the name of the awards to "The Twinsfest Awards of Acceptability" this year, but stuck with tradition at the last minute.]

I should also say in advance that I feel bad about letting down a commenter who specifically asked for pictures to be posted...because I realized at the end of the day that I didn't end up taking very many photos at all. This was the first Twinsfest where I didn't kill at least one camera battery. Astonishing. And a little sad.

But....onto the hotly anticipated awards portion of the evening.

Inventing new awards is sort of the schtick here, so let's start with two new categories this year:

Most Missed--Absent Player
Only current Twins players are eligible, mostly because Those Girls would have a very hard time choosing between Boof, Mike Redmond, Brian Buscher and Carlos Gomez. So, we have declared Nick Punto the Most Missed absent player. I personally had to break the news to a half a dozen groups of fans I overheard excitedly talking about what time they needed to get in Nick Punto's line. Seeing the disappointment in their faces as they learned he had gone back to AZ for some minor surgery was heartbreaking. The poor volunteer manning Corner #2 had it worse. I heard her turn away sooo many fans looking to get in line for Punto. Upon hearing that he was not in attendance this year, one particularly entertaining woman snapped back "Well, I guess I can just go home NOW then!" In spite of what a lot of folks on the internet would like you to believe, people really LIKE Nick Punto. They like him a LOT. We like him too. We like him so much, we are giving him a Twinsfest Award of Excellence when he wasn't even there.

Most Missed--Returning Player
This seems fairly obvious. Because, for as disappointed as people were without Nick Punto, they were equally and oppositely elated to see Pat Neshek again. He's been away from the game for 2 years, but it's like he never left. People are just as crazy about him now as they were during the height of the ultimately unsuccessful "Pitch In for Pat" all-star campaign. Of course, he did get some major bonus points for telling nice stories about Boof Bonser during his radio interview...and he gets further bonus points for tweeting pictures of his adorable little doggies on Twitter last night...but that's beside the point.

The Twin Who Makes Liriano's '08 Lines Look Short Award goes to Francisco Liriano again, oddly enough. Please please please, people who decide these things: Move Liriano to the Mauer/Morneau/Cuddyer/Nathan areas next time. His line clogs up the whole floor this way. I didn't even bother to snap a picture of him this year because it was too crowded and annoying.

The Best New Nickname Award is going to Trevor Plouffe, because it was at Twinsfest where I decided that I will be exclusively referring to him as "The Plouffe" from now on. Like "The Donald" but less irritating, and with much better hair. This is a development that I'm particularly excited about.

An important note as we approach the coveted "Best Dressed" award: We were only able to attend on Saturday this year. And, ON Saturday, what we mostly saw was plaid. Lots and lots of plaid. It makes me wonder if it was some sort of intentional thing. (Like how when I was young, my friends and I pinky-promised to all wear Hypercolor t-shirts on Fridays.)

It had to be coordinated. I refuse to believe that that many grown men coincidentally all woke up Saturday morning and thought "...Hmm....plaid. THAT's the ticket!" I choose to believe that someone unofficially declared it "Dress Like a Cowboy Day" at the Metrodome. Here's a quick photographic Ode to Plaid and Checks:

Not that plaid is necessarily BAD...no one really looked BAD...but when everyone dresses alike, it's hard to find someone who stands out from the crowd.

So, thank the baseball gods for JJ Hardy. Because JJ Hardy decided to skip Dress Like a Cowboy Day and chose Dress Like Your Favorite Fictional CW Network Character Day instead. Yup, Those Girls were positively delighted to find out that JJ Hardy dresses like Dean Winchester.

This is probably because he just instinctively knows how much we love Dean Winchester.

And for his thoughtful effort, he is rewarded with the prestigious Best Dressed Twin award on his very first try. All this without even putting the Twins uniform on once. Very impressive.

Of course, more impressive is the fact that he is not just taking home ONE award.

Taking a page straight out of the Nick Punto Guide to Fan-Friendliness handbook, JJ Hardy has completed an amazing feat.

He is actually taking home a trio of great awards. (And not just three funny new made-up awards we thought of at the last minute...)

No, he is taking home the Big Three.

That's right. We hereby award JJ Hardy with the Best Dressed Twin award, the award for Best Hair, AND (drumroll, please) the Golden Nose Award for the Best Smelling Twin. This former Brewer clearly brought his A-Game across the St. Croix to make a good first impression, and it worked. He is really out-Twins-ing the other Twins right now. The world is a funny place.

[Although, to be fair, he is only getting the Golden Nose on a technicality. We WERE going to award it to ourselves, actually. But the lawyers wouldn't let us, because the award is supposed to go to the Best Smelling Twin, and for some weird reason I don't understand, we are still not technically considered part of the team. But I have a new perfume that makes you smell kind of like cotton candy. So trust me when I say we were the best smelling people there.]

Although JJ was also incredibly nice, the Mr. Congeniality category was dominated by a different duo. It is a dead-heat tie this year, between Brendan Harris and Kevin Slowey. I went to Twinsfest this year with basically one goal: Get 2 very particular pictures of Kevin and Brendan for my Texas friends who love them. Both guys were very good sports about playing along, and they could not have been sweeter about it. It was very much appreciated!

AND the photos turned out perfect:

(And yes, for those of you keeping score at home, that is Kevin Slowey also sporting plaid. *sigh*)

Patience, Grasshopper.

2010-02-01T13:52:00.002-06:00

Twinsfest Awards to be announced as soon as I have an extended amount of time to string some nonsense words together. Tonight most likely. Patience, Grasshopper.

Until then, here are some puppies to help kill the time.

Free video chat by Ustream

Twinsfest Prep Class

2010-01-28T01:18:00.005-06:00

OK...as promised, here are some extra tips for having a good Twinsfest.

First off, answering a few more nuts and bolts logistics questions that are popping up a lot in the Google searches:

Yes, most of the autographs cost money above and beyond your admission ticket. Unless prices have gone up this year, expect to pay $5 for Corner 1, $10 for Corner 2, $15 for Corners 3 and 4, And anywhere between $20 and $50 (for bats and jerseys) in the Legends/HOF Corners 5 and 6. Corner 7, aka "Down on the Farm" is free. The price is per autograph session, not per player. EDIT---NOTE: The prices have indeed gone up. Sounds like $5 more per corner. Prepare accordingly.

No, I do not know why they call them "Autograph Corners" when most of them are not, in fact, IN corners. Personally, I think we should call them "Autograph Nooks." It's cozier.

The photo area is ~~free~~ now $2. I will not complain because it's for charity. Except that I will complain silently in my head a little tiny bit and then feel guilty about it.

Gates F and H should be open, and Will Call tickets should be available at either gate. Doors open at 4pm on Friday and 9am Saturday and Sunday. Lines will form well in advance of the doors opening.

The lines for Mauer and Morneau will be long. LOOOOONNNNNNGGG, I tell you. And you can try to tell yourself that since it is so freaking cold out, no one will be in line very early. But you would be wrong. I have found that it's a good rule of thumb to just assume that in any given situation, there are at least a few hundred people who are crazier than you are. Plan accordingly.

The food options at Twinsfest are a scaled down version of what was available during games at the Metrodome. Dome dogs, hamburgers, chicken sandwiches, nachos, etc. (And beer!) Last year I ate the worst mini donuts in the universe, which were cooked in what looked like a toaster oven. They came out charred on the outside, frozen solid in the middle. And I got a weird rash from the Maui Waui smoothies. (I blame a previously undiagnosed allergy to "Waui.") So choose wisely.

There's no map of the layout online unless someone somewhere has scanned one from previous years in themselves. I looked to see if I still had one from last year, but I don't. But entering in through either gate will get you where you need to be. ~~Corners~~ Nooks 1, 2, and 7 are down on the field, while the rest are up along the main concourse. You get a map as soon as you get inside. If you're looking for Mauer right away on Friday or Saturday, just follow the giant wave of people frantically running in one particular direction. They won't steer you wrong.

And now...onto my own personal ideas of things people should know.

What to carry with you:

Cash--Some individual merchants at Twinsfest may have credit card machines, but a lot of stuff is cash-only, including the autograph lines.

Hand sanitizer--I cannot stress this enough. Every year Twinsfest breeds the flu bug like nobody's business. I also recommend slamming some Airborne before you go to keep your immune system in tip top condition, because it is going to be working overtime.

Whatever objects you'd like autographed.

Bottled water.

Asprin/Your headache reliever of choice--Maybe it's just me...but I find painkillers to be a godsend every year at Twinsfest.

Something to keep yourself occupied in the mind-numbingly long lines.

Your best manners.--Don't be a dick, please. Being polite and friendly to the players and your fellow 'Fest attendees makes everything go so much better. We're all in this together!

Things you DON'T need to carry with you:

Pens, Sharpies, whatever other writing implements you might usually need for autograph-seeking--The tables come fully stocked with pens and sharpies in different colors...black, blue, silver, and gold. No need to bring your own. Most players are pretty accommodating about signing with whatever pen or marker you want, but if you have a strong preference you need to speak up and ask, otherwise they will probably sign with whichever color they have in hand.

If you find yourself in an autograph line, and you don't know who one (or any) of the players actually are, ask the person standing in FRONT of you, if you must. Because if you ask the person behind you, they may be the tiniest bit resentful that you are making their wait longer. Especially if the person behind you is me. I only mention it because it happens to me every year. If you feel like you MUST ask the person waiting patiently behind you, and they answer you...I think you should then offer to let them go ahead of you. Just my opinion.

Sometimes you can get through the $5 and $10 lines (and sometimes the Legends/HOF lines too) faster if you wait until the tail end of the scheduled autograph time. Because at the end, most of the people in line are waiting for the next group of players, and you can frequently skip right to the front. Of course, that's a gamble, and I don't recommend trying it for lines that are outrageously long to begin with.

If you do not make it through an autograph line before the cut-off, you have the option of staying in line for the next player(s). So if you know ahead of time that you're going to be in a high-risk line (ie Mauer/Morneau), you might want to plan ahead and decide if you'd be willing to get the autograph of the player following them instead, and pack something for that player to sign too.

The photo line has volunteers snap a picture of you with your favorite players, using your own camera. So don't forget to bring the camera/batteries/SD card/etc. I actually sometimes pack an emergency backup camera. Which sounds ridiculous, except that it came in handy last year, when the battery popped out of my first-string camera and I lost it.

Don't miss the minor league displays. All of the teams in the Twins' farm system are represented, and you can find a lot of really cool merchandise you can't find anywhere else. This is a good place to look for items for the prospects to sign, as well as finding some unique items featuring current Twins in their younger days.

If you really are committed to getting a lot of autographs, it's good to plan out your schedule and prioritize ahead of time. There have been years where I'm not ashamed to admit to using an Excel spreadsheet color-coded for prioritizing.

Of course you should also be flexible enough to call an audible when you need to (sorry for mixing sports metaphors). If a certain line looks longer than you anticipated, or the dreaded flu strikes your favorite player, there are always a ton of entertaining things going on you can try. Last year, Joe Mauer filled in at the photo line last minute, and Carlos Gomez went salsa dancing in the Celebrate Diversity area. Something wacky can always happen, and you don't want to miss it because you were a slave to the schedule.

Have fun!

Obligatory Thome Post

2010-01-27T10:47:00.003-06:00

I would be remiss without at least mentioning Jim Thome.

For the record, I was neither disappointed nor excited about the news of his 1 year contract with the Twins.

I like the fact that his addition to the line-up only increases the odds that opposing middle-of-the-rotation right-handed pitchers will wake up in a cold sweat the night before they face us. I also like the symmetry of The Nicest Guy In Baseball playing for the nicest team in the American League. And I like that I don't have to feel guilty for hating the Nicest Guy In Baseball anymore.

As long as someone has to fill the quota for the Twins' obsessive-compulsive Annual Aging Veteran Free-Agent Signing, we could have done a lot worse than Jim Thome.

That said, I will postpone any plans for a celebratory parade honoring his arrival until he blasts one out of the park in a game against the White Sox.

I think that's fair.

Unfortunately, there is ONE teeny tiny problem with bringing Thome to Minnesota. When Those Girls are physically present at games, Thome never hits anything. I'm not exaggerating. I don't believe we have ever, EVER, witnessed Jim Thome get a hit when we have attended games together....and we've seen Thome plenty. We very much enjoyed calling him The Designated Misser on those occasions. We have long considered ourselves to be his own personal jinx. (And yes, don't think we didn't kick ourselves repeatedly for not making an emergency last minute trip to Chicago for Game 163 in '08.)

It's always been a good thing when he played against us. Now that he's playing for us, it's slightly worrisome.

Note to self: Will do some serious wikipedia research on jinx-reversal techniques before Spring Training.

Frequently Googled Questions: Twinsfest Edition

2010-01-21T01:04:00.005-06:00

With Twinsfest just over a week away, there seems to be a big uptick in the number of folks turning to Google for answers to their burning questions about Twinsfest logistics. I suspect that there will be a lot more first-timers at this year's Fest. More new season ticket holders = More free Twinsfest ticket recipients. Maybe that explains the number of folks looking for information. And Google sends them here, I guess.

So I will do my best to come up with some not-completely-ridiculous answers for once.

Q: What does Twinsfest cost?
A: The cost of admission depends on when you buy your tickets, and how many days you plan to attend. Twinsfest is 3 days long. Each day requires a separate ticket, per person. If you get free tickets to the event as a season ticket holder, you're set. If not, tickets cost $8 for adults and $4 for kids 14 and under if you order them before next Thursday at 5pm. You can buy tickets at the Metrodome ticket windows the day of, but the price is a couple bucks higher.

Once you're inside Twinsfest, everything is kind of ala carte, cost-wise. It's entirely possible to have a perfectly fun experience without spending any extra money at all. The "Down on the Farm" autograph line doesn't cost anything, and always has top-notch prospects from the organization. You can also get your picture taken with players for free. There are great radio interviews conducted live that you can watch from the stands. There are tons of fun activities for kids to participate in too.

If you're more interested in autographs, you have to be prepared to pony up some cash. Assuming the prices haven't changed this year, autograph lines cost between $5 and $25 generally. Some of the Legends and HOF autograph opportunities may cost more depending on the type of item you want autographed--bats and jerseys cost more--and if you want your autograph authenticated on the spot.

Many of the autograph lines include multiple players at one time, and the fee covers all of them, (i.e. if there are 3 players in a $10 line, you pay $10 total, not $10 per player).

[And as long as I'm talking about the price of autographs, on several occasions I have overheard people grumbling about the players being greedy and charging for autographs. It should be made very, VERY clear that the money made at Twinsfest goes to the Twins Community Fund to help finance any number of wonderful charitable works. The players do not profit at all from the proceeds. In fact, as I understand it, attendance at Twinsfest is voluntary for the players, and aside from travel and lodging expenses, they don't receive any additional compensation for the time they spend at Twinsfest. This makes it all the more impressive that so many players attend year after year, and go out of their way to make it a great experience for fans. So be nice!]

And of course, there are many ballpark concession staples available for purchase as well. Although, you are able to bring your own food and beverages (with bottle caps even!) into the Dome as well. And there's a HUGE flea-market type sale on the field with more sports cards and collectibles than you can dream of. And if you've got even more money burning a hole in your pocket, there are live and silent auctions with tons of great stuff.

Whew! OK, that was a really long answer to an incredibly short question. Moving on.

Q: What is the Twinsfest player schedule?
A: It's not out quite yet. The official team Twitter account has been saying the schedule will be available the Wednesday or Thursday before. I've usually found that it comes out slightly earlier than that. I will probably start checking the site twice a day on Monday myself, just because I'm a little hyper about these things, in general. (Actually, if I'm being completely honest, I will probably start checking on Saturday....just in case.)

EDIT: Actually I lied again. I just checked and it's up RIGHT NOW! Woo hoo!

Until then, here's the list of scheduled attendees so far:

Rick Anderson, Scott Baker, Joe Benson, Nick Blackburn, David Bromberg, Alex Burnett, Jesse Crain, Michael Cuddyer, Robert Delaney, Brian Duensing, Ron Gardenhire, Toby Gardenhire, Kyle Gibson, Matt Guerrier, Carlos Gutierrez, J.J. Hardy, Brendan Harris, B.J. Hermsen, Aaron Hicks, Jason Kubel, Francisco Liriano, Jeff Manship, Joe Mauer, Jose Mijares, Jose Morales, Justin Morneau, Joe Nathan, Pat Neshek, Chris Parmelee, Carl Pavano, Glen Perkins, Trevor Plouffe, Nick Punto, Jon Rauch, Ben Revere, Anthony Slama, Kevin Slowey, Denard Span, Rick Stelmaszek, Anthony Swarzak, Matt Tolbert, Steve Tolleson, Scott Ullger, Danny Valencia, Joe Vavra, Jerry White and Delmon Young.
Former players scheduled to appear include Juan Berenguer, Bert Blyleven, Rod Carew, Dan Gladden, Dave Goltz, Kent Hrbek, Tom Kelly, Harmon Killebrew, Corey Koskie, Gene Larkin, Tim Laudner, Scott Leius, Paul Molitor, Jack Morris, Tony Oliva, Greg Olson, Terry Steinbach, Dick Stigman and Kevin Tapani.

[Sidenote: Just look at how many guys have the initials "J.M." This fascinates me.]

Q: How early do I need to get to Twinsfest?
A: Once again, the correct answer is: "It depends." It depends mainly on what you're going to Twinsfest for. If your only goal is to get a Joe Mauer or Justin Morneau autograph, the answer is "As early as you can possibly stand it." If patterns hold true, they are likely to sign in the first or second block of autograph time on any given day. You should be in line outside the Metrodome well before the doors open and go immediately to their lines to even have a chance at getting an M&M autograph. Bring a bottle of water and something to read, because you will be camped out in line for hours.

If you take an approach more similar to Those Girls, you don't need to get there quite that early. One year, for a reason I no longer recall, we decided to a) get in line an hour and a half before the doors opened and b) not wear winter coats. We wound up leaving the line and sitting in my car in the HCMC parking ramp for an hour, defeating the whole purpose. We could have slept another hour, or had a leisurely (and WARM) cup of coffee at Starbucks instead and been much MUCH happier. After that experiment with poor decision making, we came to the conclusion that there is no one on the team (or really, in the universe) whose signature is worth waking up early and standing outside in January in Minnesota. We will roll up when the doors open and take our chances on other pursuits, thank you very much.

I think that covers the basic logistic questions. Here at Those Girls, we have continually worked on improving and perfecting the art of successfully navigating Twinsfest, and we kind of consider ourselves experts. If anyone out there is new to Twinsfest themselves, and has any other questions, feel free to ask. I am working on a short (or possibly long) list of helpful hints for getting the most out of Twinsfest to post next week. Stay tuned.

It's Friday!

2010-01-15T12:13:00.003-06:00

I'm exhausted and burned out and have lost all track of my days. But I KNOW that today is Friday, because I tentatively, and hopefully, asked someone this morning "Is it Friday?"

I had a feeling it was Friday, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

But it IS Friday! Yay! Tomorrow is going to be my first day not at work since the Monday after Christmas. I'm pretty excited about it.

Normally, I'd sleep in on such an occasion, but alas, I will be up early buying Baltimore Orioles spring training tickets. A few other Grapefruit League teams' tickets go on sale tomorrow (or today) also...including our Minnesota Twins, but I've been lucky enough to have access to some pre-sales. But no such luck with the Orioles. So, my first few hours of my first day off in a very long time are sure to be spent in front of the computer, stuck in the purgatory of the dreaded "Virtual Waiting Room." Gah. I HATE the virtual waiting room.

It's worth it though. Or at least that's what I will be telling myself over and over while I'm stuck in it.

I'm looking forward to a Florida agenda chock-full of baseball. And alligators. Those are my two favorite things, and my this is my raison d'etre at the moment.

But first I have to slog through midwest winter a while longer. Thankfully, we have almost gotten to the turning point...the days are getting a little longer, we've had double digit temperatures for like 5 days in a row, and it's time for the Winter Caravan on Monday.

Having Winter Caravan and Twinsfest right around the corner definitely makes me feel victorious. We have survived another long baseball-less winter. Go us!

So, if you live anywhere featured in the Northwest or South legs of the Caravan, make sure you get out and catch the show next week. Take advantage of the first taste of baseball in 2010. And ask some good questions for me!

The Dream Team

2010-01-08T05:46:00.001-06:00

Whenever Those Girls drive together to baseball games, the same few topics of conversation generally pop up...things like "how awesome we are," and "why has no one invented a teleportation device yet?!" And sometimes we play this weird game we like to call "Mango Island," which is something so ridiculous we would never even dream of trying to explain to anyone else.

We like routine.

One of the conversations that comes up most frequently is "What if we had our OWN baseball team..." In the event we ever both win the lottery multiple times and can afford a baseball team, we already have a lot of great ideas. Like having a section of the ballpark that is Wave/Beachball free. (You would also have to pass a rudimentary baseball knowledge test in order to gain admittance to that section.)

To get to the sort-of point of this rambling story, the other day I was reading about how 14 teams had requested pitcher Noah Lowry's health records. This news made me happy. I'm quite fond of Mr. Lowry and I have missed him during his time of extended brokenness. And then thought popped into my head that if I had my OWN baseball team, there would actually be 15 teams interested in Noah Lowry.

Which naturally led me to daydream about what other players might be on that imaginary team, really for no other reason than that I get bored easily and this seemed like more fun than being productive.

So, this is the 25-man roster I came up with. I heart it a LOT, and I wish it actually existed in this plane of reality. For the purposes of this whackadoodle daydream, this team is in the National League and has no DH. Sorry in advance to the pretend pitchers :)

1B--Garrett Jones
2B--Ian Kinsler
SS--Jason Bartlett
3B--Brian Buscher
LF--Jacoby Ellsbury
CF--Andrew McCutchen
RF--Michael Cuddyer
C--AJ Pierzynski

SP--Zack Greinke
SP--Scott Baker
SP--Nick Blackburn
SP--Kevin Slowey
SP--Noah Lowry

RP--Boof Bonser
RP--Matt Guerrier
RP--Boone Logan
RP--Craig Breslow
RP--Neftali Feliz
RP--CJ Wilson
RP--Joe Nathan

Bench:
Nick Punto
Matt Tolbert
Trevor Plouffe
Carlos Gomez
Mike Redmond

I can't decide if I want to call the pretend team the Crocodiles or the Pronto Pups. But I do know that our pretend home uniforms would look an awful lot like the KC Royals' light blue uniforms...

....And that our pretend ballpark would have both waffle fries in mini-helmets and a giant "Mix Your Own Slushies" bar.

Adrian Beltre Is Just Not That Into You

2010-01-05T01:17:00.005-06:00

Overtime at work has been kicking my butt the last few days, so I haven't had much time to think about baseball, much less blog about it. So I missed New Year's :(

I had plans for a grand sweeping bullet-pointed list about the past year, or the past decade or something. But that sounded exhausting, quite frankly. So I skipped it and took a nap.

I have kept up with Twitter feeds though. Not necessarily posting anything interesting on my own, but I've been reading everyone else's. (Including Pat Neshek, who is the newest member of the Twins twitter family. He appears to actually be tweeting for himself, unlike a certain twitchy closer we all know and love.)

But my point was that I noticed today that a lot of Twins fans on Twitter were shocked and upset that Adrian Beltre signed with the Boston Red Sox, instead of the Minnesota Twins.

To those folks, I'd like to ask you to sit down. Because we need to have a serious talk.

I'm not sure how many times we have to go through this before you really get it, so I'm going to be painfully blunt with you right now:

Adrian Beltre is just not that into you.

I think that there might be a lost chapter to the book in there somewhere....

Chapter 12: He's Just Not That Into You If He Added Your Team To His No-Trade Clause When He Heard You Might Be Interested In Him

Because if he really liked you, he wouldn't find legalistic loopholes to keep you the hell away from him.

I know that's hard to hear. Rejection never feels good. But it's better to just be honest with yourself and face the truth up-front.

Sure, you can delude yourself with theories about how that no trade clause was really just a bargaining chip for more cash, and he didn't actually have anything against the Minnesota Twins. Just like people convince themselves that restraining orders are really just a sign of love. But in reality, I've never seen any indication from Beltre or Boras that he has ever had even the slightest inkling of the slightest intention of ever donning a Twins uniform in this, or any other lifetime.

Face it. He is just not that into us.

And that's OK.

Do we really want a 3rd baseman who plays greedy money-grubbing mind-games like that, anyway?

No. We do not.

So, honestly, we're not that into him either. We just have a bad habit of only wanting things we can't have.

We deserve to have rewarding and healthy relationship with a 3rd baseman who treats us with love and respect. We need Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. And we should be patient enough to wait for him.

Personally, I am just glad he finally signed somewhere else, so the Twins can just stop calling him for good. We were really starting to look pathetic.

"Now is the Winter of My Discontent." (Or, "Baseball-lessness Sucks")

2009-12-29T05:35:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I got the Twins postcard reminding me that spring training tickets go on sale Jan. 16th.

I still can't decide if I should take it as a hopeful happy reminder that winter won't last forever, or if I should take it as a cruel painful reminder that it is very cold outside right now and baseball is still a long ways away.

Since it IS so cold out, and scraping my windshield always makes me cranky, the smart money is on the latter option.

All I know is that Christmas is done, fantasy football is over, everything is a lot less jolly, and I need some baseball, dammit.

This is the time of year I seriously start to wonder if I can actually survive another 2 months in a pitiful state of un-baseball. I don't know about you all, but I tend to get a little twitchy right about now.

I'm a couple days late posting a link to this (I blame Santa), but to help tide us all over in these desperate times of baseball-lessness, I did a fun little blogger Q & A with Jesse Spector of NYDailyNews.com the other day.

In case you are dying to know what it would be like if I were the Twins GM for a day...

[Spoiler Alert: If you guessed "Awesome," you are correct.]

[..."Professionally Choreographed" is also an acceptable answer]

...amongst other Twins-centric things about me, that is the place to find out. Go check it out.

'Tis the Off-Season

2009-12-23T12:14:00.004-06:00

With Christmas almost here, you might be wondering what to give that favorite Twins player in your life. Or maybe you're looking to make one or two last ditch charitable efforts to lower your tax-bracket before the end of the year.

Either way, I took some time to compile a list of links to the charitable organizations and non-profits I know our players support. I know times are tough all around, and money is always tight at the holidays. But if you have a little extra to give, I'm sure any of these organizations would make great use of it. If you can't give a monetary gift, please consider offering a gift of your time and talents to one of these groups in the coming year.

(I included some former Twins too...)

People Serving People serves homeless children and their families in Minneapolis. They host a Strike Out Homelessness event at a Twins game each year. Ron Gardenhire and Corey Koskie support this cause.

Courage Center specializes in rehabilitation services for people with brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, stroke, chronic pain, autism or disabilities experienced since birth. Jesse Crain supports Courage Center.

Boys and Girls Clubs of America is Michael Cuddyer's charity of choice. Club programs and services promote and enhance the development of boys and girls by instilling a sense of competence, usefulness, belonging and influence.

Special Olympics sports are a gateway to empowerment, competence, acceptance and joy for individuals with intellectual disabilities in over 160 countries worldwide. Our favorite Canadian 1st baseman Justin Morneau supports Special Olympics.

Joe Mauer loves the Volunteers of America. They have thousands of programs nationwide that serve vulnerable groups in our communities, including at-risk youth, the elderly, men and women returning from prison, homeless individuals and families, people with disabilities, and those recovering from addictions.

Pat Neshek supports Puppy Porch. They're a no-kill foster-based non-profit animal rescue group that helps pets in need find loving homes.

Make-a-Wish and the Moyer Foundation are both lucky to have Glen Perkins on their side. Both organizations are dedicated to making life a little brighter for kids who are in desperate situations.

Brendan Harris is involved with the non-profit group WePlayGreen, which is a group of professional athletes dedicated to addressing environmental issues involved with today's professional sports. They are trying to reduce waste and increase recycling at all sports venues, and encourage green living for athletes and fans alike.

Mike Redmond might not be with the Twins anymore, that doesn't mean we don't still love him, and what better way to show it than to help out his favorite cause, the Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation, which is dedicated to improving the quality of life for children with chronic and life-threatening illnesses and life-altering injuries by providing entertainment, education and family activities that help them cope with the pain, fear and isolation of prolonged illness.

Same goes for Craig Breslow. He's not with our team anymore, but his Strike 3 Foundation is still a wonderfully worthy cause, supporting ongoing pediatric oncology treatment and research efforts. [EDIT] Turns out our very own Kevin Slowey is also a big supporter of Craig's foundation, and serves on the Advisory Committee. Double the reasons to love this cause!

The Torii Hunter Project is building kids with strong character and assisting them with a college education.

Many Twins players are also passionate about the good work that the Twins Community Fund does. The long list of programs that the Twins Community Fund supports include Play Ball! Minnesota, the R.B.I./Rookie League, Fields for Kids, Diamonds and Dreams Scholarship Program, and TwinsCare. All proceeds from TwinsFest go to the Twins Community Fund (I suspect that my addiction to Grab Bags has sent at least 2 kids to college all by itself), but you can also donate directly. I'm sure any one of the Twins players on your Christmas list would appreciate your support of this great cause.

If you know of any that I missed, please feel free to leave a comment and an URL for folks to see.

Happy Holidays!

This off-season just gets better and better.

2009-12-22T13:08:00.003-06:00

Say it ain't so.

Boone Logan got traded to the Yankees organization.

I am just not OK with that.

I am now faced with the difficult choice of A) No longer loving Boone Logan or B) Throwing myself off a cliff.

This is not what Christmas is supposed to be about, dammit.

One thing is for sure. It has been a really bad off-season for pitchers I love whose first names start with "Boo."

"Put your mittens in the air..."

2009-12-20T01:09:00.003-06:00

This youtube video is funny. Obviously, my favorite parts are the Minnesota Twins references.

Thought I'd share it!

Things to listen to

2009-12-18T01:45:00.005-06:00

As requested, here's a link to the interview Joe Mauer did for espnradio.com's Fantasy Focus Football podcast this week. His portion is near the end of the show.

I don't usually go out of my way to listen to Joe Mauer interviews...because while he is tops when it comes to playing baseball, I really don't want to rely on him for witty banter or sparkling conversation. But I listen to this particular podcast daily anyway. And it does manage to be more entertaining than most Mauer interviews. It's worth a listen just for his comments about playing fantasy football with Lewwwww Ford, and his in-depth and unintentionally hilarious analysis of the difference between Brian Duensing and Nick Blackburn ("Nick is right-handed.")

And while you're checking out new things to listen to, allow me to make a shameless plug for my friends Erica and Melissa at the GameOn Podcast presented by gogameface.com. It's a sports talk podcast specifically for women (and men who appreciate that women also love sports), so if you're reading this, you're pretty much the target market.

The show is fabulous every week, but this week's show is especially good. Give it a listen, and I promise you'll like it.

Fa la la la la....

2009-12-17T11:41:00.002-06:00

An excerpt from a real conversation with my parents, about my Johan Santana keepsake ornament.

Dad: Johan Santana? Why don't you have a Boof Bonser ornament? Isn't he your favorite?

Me: [cracking sound as my heart breaks yet again] They don't MAKE a Boof Bonser ornament!!!!

Mom, to Dad: Dear, if they made a Boof Bonser ornament, her entire tree would be nothing but Boof Bonsers and disco balls.

Me: [Nodding] Yup.

True story. Get on it, Hallmark.

A little funny, a little sad.

2009-12-17T01:55:00.000-06:00

I was bored yesterday and started looking for information about Philip Humber's deal with the Royals, so I Googled him.

I thought it was funny, and kind of sad, that I got 3 relevant Philip Humber results, and then Google assumed that maybe I was actually looking for Kevin Mulvey instead.

Apparently Kevin Mulvey and Philip Humber are interchangeable.

I suppose it's like when my Netflix recommendation list tells me that I will like "Television Shows With A Strong Female Lead." (Apparently Netflix has seen the small shrines I keep to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Veronica Mars.)

This was just Google's way of saying "Oh, I see you are interested in mediocre pitching prospects who were traded to the Twins for Johan Santana and were ultimately wildly disappointing. May I interest you in a little Kevin Mulvey while you're here?"

Like I said...a little funny....a little sad. Sad for poor interchangeable Philip/Kevin. Sad for us. Funny at 2 am.

"Uncle!"

2009-12-14T11:19:00.005-06:00

Is it not enough to have my heart broken this off-season?

Has that not caused me enough pain and anguish already?

Must I also endure this?

Must Nick Swisher really infect one of my favorite prime-time network comedies as well?

I am officially crying "uncle." For whatever I did to anger the baseball gods this much, I am truly repentant.

What stage of grief is "Musical Montage Making"?

2009-12-12T08:36:00.002-06:00

Whatever stage of grief it is....I'm officially there.

Actually...I thought it was so funny while I was making it that I couldn't stop giggling at my own ridiculousness. That's probably a good sign that I might just survive afterall.

Oh, and for those that are curious...yes, I was this inconsolable when Doug and A.J. each got traded too. I just didn't have a blog then, or the technological capabilities to express my digital angst adequately.

Today's Whackadoodle Theory

2009-12-11T11:48:00.002-06:00

Today's Whackadoodle Theory:

Boof Bonser was forced to leave the Twins because the addition of Jon Rauch last season threw the team's "number of players to number of tattoos" ratio way off balance.

It's as good a theory as any, I think.

Also, my last two long-term baseball boyfriends wore jersey #26. I've grown kind of fond of and loyal to the number. Please, whoever takes it next, PLEASE be awesome and adorable. I am begging you.

I feel like post-Drew Barrymore-break-up Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch. But I can't actually watch Fever Pitch, because all the Red Sox stuff makes me even sadder.

I'm sorry for fixating. I really am. But if anyone didn't see this coming....you clearly haven't been paying attention. I've been trying to emotionally prepare myself for this possibility since 2007. Clearly it did not help.

Booflessness Day 3.1: The Nightmare Continues

2009-12-10T10:25:00.007-06:00

Booflessness Day 3, again.

Dear Journal,

It's over. He's officially traded.

It's not like I'm thrilled with the team choice (Thanks a lot Bill Smith. Way to twist the knife ol' buddy).

Boston was third to last on my prioritized list of teams I made, as I contemplated where Boof might go. You can probably guess the two that fell lower on the list.

It's a FL spring training team, so there's that. But it's one of the teams that is ~~impossible~~ more-expensive-than-I-care-to-think-about to get decent tickets for their games ANYWHERE. So....not super helpful.

Even so....meet the newest item on my Christmas List.

It sucks, and I feel dirty.

But as Boof goes, so goes my nation.

At least sometimes.

Booflessness Day 3: Reminiscing

2009-12-10T06:10:00.001-06:00

Day 3 of Booflessness

Dear Journal,

I am still sad.

But today I feel strong enough to remember some of the great times I had fan-girling Boof Bonser over the last four years. And it makes me smile.

Like how this is my favorite Boof Bonser autograph of all of my Boof Bonser autographs (and boy, there are a LOT of them):

And then I remember how awesome it was when Boof was signing said autograph, and he just sort of looked at it funny for a really really long time and it got a little awkward. It provided Those Girls with a lot of entertainment and giggles.

Good times.

But then I remember that I will never have funny awkward moments like that with Boof Bonser at Target Field. And then my heart hurts.

So then I go and watch haiku video to feel better. Because I still love Boof's most of all. (Although mine were also pretty dang good, if I do say so myself.)

So much fun. So much happiness.

But now it's all gone, and I am left in a black hole of Boofless despair.

I hope he's either traded or signs somewhere ASAP after he's released (please please please please to a team with Florida spring training) so that I can get a new jersey right away. I think that will make me feel better.

Day 2 of Booflessness

2009-12-09T12:18:00.005-06:00

Day 2:

Dear Journal,

I am still sad.

And I am not just a little bit sad. I am "Boof with a Bad Haircut" sad.

I am going to go chew on a towel now.

No Joy in Mudville.

2009-12-08T22:30:00.002-06:00

I received many condolence twitter tweets and text messages today, after the news about Boof Bonser being designated for assignment broke.

And yes, I am heartbroken. And I am cranky. I heard the news while I was at work, so I could not throw the tantrum that I so desperately wanted to throw. (Which is maybe a good thing. I have a lot of breakables in my house.)

I am proud that when people in this little corner of the Twins blogosphere think of Boof Bonser, they also think of me. I think this means that I have done my part to publicly support and cheer on my baseball boyfriend through thick and thin, to the very best of my ability.

And in return, Boof has been the very best baseball boyfriend I could ask for.

The fact that Boof was cut to make room on the roster for Carl Pavano is a little like having salt rubbed in the wound that Bill Smith has torn into my heart.

And the first person who tries to say anything rational or reasonable to ME about this being a good move is going to get popped right in the nose. You have been warned. I am not feeling reasonable or rational right now. This is my blog, and my own personal heartbreak...it is not up for debate. And my love of Boof has always surpassed reason anyway.

In the past few weeks, Those Girls have lost players we have been particularly and specifically fond of: Carlos Gomez, Brian Buscher, Mike Redmond and Boof Bonser. And before that, Jason Bartlett, Garrett Jones, Brian Bass (that one is ALL Casey...I'm taking no credit for that), Bobby Korecky, and Craig Breslow.

With the possible exceptions of Carlos Gomez and Jason Bartlett, there were times when we cheered really loudly for those guys, and it was clear that we were the ONLY people cheering loudly. Which only made us cheer louder and more enthusiastically. And when Bill Smith systematically tore each of them away from us, it broke our hearts, repeatedly and painfully.

And since I'm in an irrational mood, I will say that it really feels at this point like Bill Smith is targeting us personally. In fact, I think that if Bill Smith had to put down on paper his management strategy since he took the reins, it would look something like this:

"I hate Those Girls and I want them to be sad."

Mission accomplished, Bill. We are sad. We are very sad. You must be doing a happy dance right about now.

I am just not going to have a Twins Baseball Boyfriend anymore. I decided that today. Bill Smith is not going to have my heart to kick around anymore.

But I am publicly declaring a deep undying love for Carl Pavano right now. Take that for what it's worth.

Frequently Googled Again: Blasts from the Past Edition

2009-12-03T11:27:00.000-06:00

I think it's that time again. Time to answer some of the burning questions (and odd phrases) people google, only to find themselves here. I chose a few that seemed interesting, mainly because they were NOT "Joe Mauer," "Mauer," or "Nick Swisher shirtless."

"Bubba ODonnell": Bubba O'Donnell is a RHP. I remember him as the awesomely mohawked closer for the Madison Mallards in the Northwoods League a couple years ago. He got drafted by the Cubs, but was released sometime last spring. I haven't heard anything about him since, and it makes me sad inside. He does have a MySpace page which hasn't been updated since MySpace was still marginally cool, but there are some pictures. Enjoy!

"Baseball Stupidest Trades": Perhaps I'm just still feeling a little bit bitter, but I think this is what you may be looking for.

"Yankees Sayings TShirts": Hmm. I don't actually keep a lot of those around the house, oddly enough. But here's a good one...

You can buy your very own shirt here.

"What is face fungus?": An excellent question. I'm no dermatologist, but when you look in the mirror and see something that looks like this...

Or this...

...You should probably see a qualified medical professional.

"Spooky Milk Brendan Harris Girlfriend": Sorry. I try very hard to find people the answers that they're looking for, but I just have no earthly idea what this even means. Good luck finding out, though!

"Jason Pridie Sex?": Um. Wow. Well, to answer the question..Jason Pridie is a male. Thanks for playing.

hot...stove...action?

2009-11-30T11:19:00.003-06:00

As I fell asleep last night, after putting the finishing touches on a month-long adventure in high speed novelling, I thought to myself, "Now something baseball-interesting can happen and I'll be ready for it."

I was ready for it when I woke up this morning. I was ready for some news. I was ready for some hot-stove action.

What I was NOT prepared for was an eyeful of Grady Sizemore's hot...stove... action?

OK, I got nothing.

One of the pictures I saw involved a cup of tea. Hot tea that may have been prepared on a stove. I thought there was a clever pun somewhere in there, but there's not. My bad.

Yup. Grady Sizemore had some naughty pics "stolen" from an ex-girlfriend's email account. And now the pictures are frolicking all over this little interweb of ours. Who could have known?

The MLB is reportedly taking action to remove the photos from their new online homes. They weren't fast enough for me, unfortunately. Let's just say I had to exfoliate twice to feel clean again.

Yes, Grady's Ladies, there IS a Santa Claus.

And although I am the opposite of a Grady Sizemore aficionado, I too will walk away from this incident happy. Because I already have a jump-start on a truly spectacular idea for next season's Grady Sizemore-mocking sign. It's going to be good. Trust me.