Friday Stuff

Well, we knew we weren't going to win EVERY series, I guess. Although if you admit it, deep down in your heart you were kind of hoping we were.

Welcome to Detroit, where hopes and dreams go to die.

I didn't watch the game. So...there's not much I can say about it. Let's do bullet points instead.

• I really hope everything is OK with the Blackburns. I worry. Since we've kind of sort of adopted the Blackburns as our most favorite baseball family, we only want sparkly good happy things for them, here at Oh It's THOSE Girls.
• Target Field tours are finally for sale. I'm a little miffed that they're only offered on days when there is no home game. I'm not sure what the reasoning is...most other facilities at least offer a morning tour on gamedays. With so many Twins fans in places like Iowa, North and South Dakota, etc. who will travel to Target Field specifically FOR games, it really kind of screws them over. I drive 2 hours to games. Chances are, though I'd love to take the tour, I'm not going to waste the time or the gas to go to Target Field to NOT watch baseball. There are plenty of baseball tourists who will likely miss out on a tour too, unless they plan a trip around an off-day. Which is dumb.
• A new kind of fantasy baseball game launches tomorrow at RosterSlots.com. And I was invited to participate in the "Experts League." Hold your applause, please. It combines elements of traditional fantasy baseball with the luck-of-the-spin slot machine mentality. Tell me that doesn't sound awesome. Since you can change your roster every day, with just a few spins, it adds a little bit of excitement to your fantasy life, during the long long baseball season. Go check it out. It sounds like it could be especially fun for fantasy novices. It's free...no gambling involved.
• I need a team name for said new fantasy team. Someone think of something clever...I'm tapped out.

And finally, all the talk about the bad, bad, terrible, awful GB Leighton Twins song inspired me to resurrect a Friday staple from non-baseball blog days. Just for fun.

Friday Random Ten.
Put your music library in "random" mode, and post the 1st 10 songs. No editing to make yourself seem cooler allowed. (GB Leighton I am talking to you.)

Here's mine today:
1. Tristan & Iseult--The Decemberists
2. Changes in Latitudes--Jimmy Buffett
3. Get Out the Map--Indigo Girls
4. Borderline/Open Your Heart--Glee Cast (yes. I bought the entire Glee Madonna album. And I love it.)
5. Butterflies and Airplanes--The Clarks
6. The Blues are Still Blue--Belle & Sebastion
7. The Longest Day in the Afternoon--Irving
8. Inside Out--Eve 6
9. Vacation--The Go Go's
10. Whoopee Weiners--Mary Mack (local comedienne who is AMAZING.)

Have a good Friday!

blargh.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the early innings of hope, it was the late innings of despair. It was a night for a 5 run lead, it was a night for a 5 run loss. It was a time of Jim Thome and Luke Hughes home runs, it was a time of Pat Neshek HBP RBI insanity and Jesse Crain on the mound with inherited runners. We had everything before us, we had nothing before us. We were all going direct to the World Series, we were all going direct to a playoff watching party with the Royals and Pirates....

...you get the picture. Thanks for indulging my literary allusion.

Last night was weird and a little ugly. I kind of wish this had be a game against a west coast team, so I could have gone to sleep with happy thoughts. Oh well.

Also, I am tired of umpires. Period. And it's not even May yet.

GB Leighton's Twins Song is the New Nick Punto

But this is one blog bitchfest bandwagon I don't mind jumping on....

The winning is nice. Very enjoyable. I would like it to continue ad infinitum.

HOWEVER, if the GB Leighton song torture continues all season...it's going to be a very loooong season. And there's no amount of winning that will quell the almost inevitable bleeding from ears.

That song is terrible. It's bad on FSN during games, and it's 10 times worse on the big screen at Target Field. It makes me cringe. I am embarrassed when I think of all the out of town tourists visiting Target Field, being subjected to that music video, and then inevitably thinking "Oh my...what have we gotten ourselves into? I had no idea that Minnesota, as a baseball franchise and a state, had this poor of taste in music and entertainment!"

It's forced and awkward, and tries to be a lot cooler than it is. Which is absolutely the worst kind of lame. And it's not even catchy. [Although, perhaps I should be thankful for that fact. If I ever get that song stuck in my head, bad bad things might happen.]

We deserve better, dammit. I'm happy to know that I'm not alone in my blistering hatred for said musical number. Eric from Call To The 'Pen has repeatedly, and snarkily, voiced his justified disapproval on his Twitter stream, which makes me happy in my heart. There was a very telling survey over at Twinkie Town, showing how much we all really hate this song. And I just joined Facebook groups called "I Hate GB Leightons Twins Song" and "Twins Need A Better Theme Song." Because if we can't make it stop, at least we can commiserate with like-minded people, I guess.

But aside from the daily dose of GB Leighton's terrible Twins song, and the occassional unfortunate Bieber appearance, the musical selections at Target Field seem pretty good to me, with lots of non-cringeworthy local flavor. The Replacements, Prince, Brother Ali....all good. "Sunday Girl" at Sunday games also makes me happy in my heart. If we could just snuff out that supposed theme song, we'd be nearing perfection.

The weekend according to screenshots.

I think the weekend series against the Royals can best be summed up with two excellent screenshots that have made their way around the internet.

Exhibit A, from Royals Review:


Now, we have lost more than our fair share of games on heinously bad officiating, so I don't feel too bad. But after such a long and strange game, winning that way was extremely unsatisfying. My condolences to Royals fans. But...they won the next game, so buck up little campers.

Exhibit B, from about 50 different places, so I don't know who to credit:


This is good to know. All the fangbangers can leave him alone now. I left during the house for 5 minutes mid-game, and I miss THIS. What was it in reference to? Day games vs night games? His flat refusal to make Zack Greinke's "neck a chalice and drink deep" during weird team rituals? Either way, it makes for an amusing graphic.

For all the Mauerphiles out there, make sure you tune in or set your DVRs for ESPN's E:60 tonight at 6pm CT. The Joe Mauer segment airs tonight. It looks pretty cute. I mean, I have a dream that one day all of the positive national media attention we manage to eke out won't be 100% Mauer focused...but today is not that day, and I'll take what I can get. It's Jeter & Pedroia-free programming, huzzah!

Joe's grandpa tells a story about Joe almost getting his clothes ripped off by a Mauer-frenzied mob at Target (product placement alert!)...so that should be fun. You can watch a preview right now (the Mauer spot is the 2nd clip down):

Crazy coincidences.

Yesterday was the first time Those Girls were able to get to Target Field together. We are trying not to take it personally that it also happened to be the worst Twins team performance of the season thus far. That's just a crazy coincidence, right? RIGHT?!

It's also just a coincidence that the Royals only scored runs when we were not at our seats. We were seated in our section for the first inning....and every thing was fine. We got up to wander around and forage for food, and BAM: Carl Pavano Meltdown --which, like a prophet, I had foretold in the car on the way to the game. No joke. (However, in my version, the Twins offense made an epic comeback instead of "stranding a small village on base," to borrow Brendan Harris's best quote ever.) We made a couple complete loops around the field. It's shiny and new and different and requires in-depth multi-inning exploration...also the fact that both of us suffer from a crippling and somewhat embarrassing fear of heights made sitting in our steeply-pitched 300 level seats a little unpleasant.

We ventured back to our seats as just as Pavano left the game. Purely coincidental. We watched Alex Burnett be totally awesome for a few innings, and every thing seemed like it was under control again. Mahay was fine. And then we left early, giving the Royals the confidence boost to tack 3 more runs on against Crain.

Now...leaving a game early is something we neither condone nor generally participate in. But it's going to be a sad reality for us this season, we're afraid. The bullpen pitchers [that we like] need to adjust their performance accordingly.

Overall, everyone can just add us to the chorus of praise for the park. It's gorgeous. Much prettier than the tiny Target Field model suggested. The environmental consciousness and handicapped accessibility stand out as huge bonus points, when comparing it to similar MLB parks. Four thumbs up from Those Girls, although we have decided we need new good luck rituals for this ballpark, because clearly our old ones did NOT work yesterday.

Coping Mechanism

How Those Girls cope with missing the home opener this year....

We think about Garrett Jones thinking about puppies.



I hear it was a raucous good time today, and I am genuinely happy for everyone who went, (and way to go Jason Kubel!), but I am super bummed out and I don't really want to talk about it.

Crowning a Biggest Twins Fan

This weekend, the Rock Bottom Brewery downtown hosted the finals of their "Biggest Twins Fan" contest. Lipgloss & Baseball and I were on hand to live-tweet the event. So, right off the bat, you know it's going to be a good time. There were some other familiar Twins-blog names in attendance too. John from TwinsMVB was a finalist, and Jon from TwinkieTown (sorry for misspelling your name earlier Jon!) was a celebrity judge. (Wow...Jo[h]n is a really popular name.]) K-Bro came out to cheer the uber-fans on too, which was awesome. It was a great time. Any time there's an event that not only tolerates, but celebrates and requires extra doses of fun and silliness from fans, that's a good thing in my book. Big thanks to Rock Bottom for hosting and hooking us up with beverages and delish food freebies.

Snapped a few pics, for everyone who couldn't make it out.

TC was out and about, shown here with fab MC Dawn Brodey (a fellow Wisconsin native who has good taste in baseball and rejected the Brewers early in life in spite of geographical peer pressure. Rock on.) TC mauled me a little bit, before the event. But in a nice way, I guess. If you have to be mauled by a bear, you want it to be TC.

Jen models the free t-shirts given out that night. If you wear the shirt, you get 2-for-1 beers on every Twins home game day. That's pretty good deal. If you didn't get a shirt...be jealous. Be very jealous.

Michelle was the only woman in the finals. Girl power!

There was some pretty intense math involved in one of the rounds of competition. Finalists needed to figure out how long it would take someone with a given annual salary to earn 1/6th of Mauer's contract. No one got the math right, but I like this answer. He even showed his work. Sort of.

This is Joel. He cemented his spot in the finals by getting a pretty large Minnesota Twins tattoo on his forearm. That's dedication.

High point of the night was definitely dizzy bat. This is mostly because it is funny to watch people fall down. Contestants had to spin 10 times, then find 3 wiffle balls and throw them in a bucket. Our table was dangerously close to the action, and K-bro almost got taken out a few times. No one threw up, though. And this event yielded the best quote of the night: "Drop the bat! Find your balls!"

Fan Favorite contestant Ross had a whole entourage, complete with American Idol-like fan signs. Delightful.

And in spite of being reminded not to be swayed by the powers of adorable baby girls in teeny tiny Twins jerseys (please note the jersey is not pink...bonus points), I think the judges probably gave Ross a little extra consideration for his excellent use of props.

And Ross walked away the winner, and took home a trip to Spring Training 2011 valued at $1500. Pretty good payoff for an evening of shenanigans and public humiliation.

He may be crowned the Biggest Twins Fan, but I like to think that it's mostly just a figurehead role. I'll continue to be in the Twins Fan Parliament and do the heavy lifting.

Week In Review

Any week that ends with more wins than losses is a good one. Cookies for [almost] everyone! [Not so fast Jon Rauch. No cookies for you.] Delmon and J.J. can split the extra cookie.

A cookie also goes to my personal front-runner for Man of the Year, Umpire Joe West, who has suffered ridicule and chastising for pointing out that the Emperors Have No Clothes (or at least they're too slow putting the clothes on). I have long whined about how the Red Sox and Yankees can play as slow as they want. My mother and I have a theory that their slow play is designed for maximum potential face-time...we call it Ego Lag time.

If everyone was allowed to get away with such pokey play, that'd be one thing. (I'd probably stop watching most games...but at least it'd be fair.) But remember this day? Brendan Harris called for time, was denied without knowing it, and a pitch sailed a little too close for comfort to his unsuspecting head. Gardenhire complained, and was fined for a Pace of Game violation. The ump in that game was more than willing to compromise the safety of our player to keep the game moving, but regular 9-inning games between the Red Sox and Yankees are considered short if they last 4 hours? Gimme a break.

Papelbon made some comment about how their games are like a movie that's so good you wish it could last forever. Excuse me while I barf a little. First of all, there is no such thing as a movie that is so good you want it to last 4 hours. There are movies that are so good, you tolerate a 3.5 hour runtime...but they are few and far between. Secondly, that's a pretty generous self-assessment. You're no Gone With the Wind, Jonathan. Great long movies are chock full of interesting plot, not watching pitchers and catchers chitchat, or Derek Jeter call time before every single pitch.

So, kudos to you Joe West. Selig may not be happy with you right now, but welcome to my Christmas Card List!

One down.

What I'm taking away from yesterday:

• Scotty Baker can only pitch amazingly when I am present. I already knew this deep down, but last night confirmed it.
• Delmon Young just wants to be loved. I think if we throw some left-over hero worship his way, he will astound and amaze.
• The new road uniforms look awesome. So much better. SO SO much better. I love them.
  
• My silly paper fortune-teller prediction of Garrett Jones being the NL MVP is looking pretty darn smart 1 day into the season. He is a beast.

Let's look at a picture of Garrett to make ourselves feel better about the Twins losing. [It helps, trust me.]

Aaaahhh. Much better, no?

Today is a new day, and I have every faith that Nick Blackburn is going to put up his first W against the Angels tonight.

Merry Opening Day, and a Happy New Year!

Happy Opening Day, everyone!

I don't count yesterday, because Yankees/Red Sox hype is annoying and I choose not to participate and create a false sense of demand. Yankees/Red Sox games are like the blood diamonds of baseball. Just say no.

But today is like all the best holidays rolled into one. I really think Opening Day should be a chocolate/presents/day off work kind of holiday. I just need a stronger lobbying force in D.C. to get it done.

I sure wish we weren't starting out the season on the west coast, though. Because A) I worry too much about our boys when earthquakes hit and B) the Pacific time zone is only cool when you live there.

In other sort-of baseball-related news, I was bummed to see the Indians 3B coach Steve Smith booted off Amazing Race last night. Steve and his daughter were my 2nd favorite team, in spite of my divisional loyalties.

Twins Predictions: Better Late Than Never

I didn't want to miss out on Josh's Predictions meme today...so here I am. I spent today looking for dolphins (BTW, is there anything cuter than a super-adorable Marine Biologist named "Noah?" I vote NO.) and buying citrus (no scurvy for me!).

But I think if I squeak this out before midnight it should count, right? Plus mine is labor intensive, so I should get bonus points.

I mean...I could just make willy nilly predictions myself....

OR I could make an origami paper fortune teller and do that instead. That involves finding paper and scissors in my Florida hosts' house, and googling the directions to make one (I haven't been in fourth grade for a very long time) and then actually making one (or 3) and taking pictures of it. And well...that seems like a much more reasonable plan.

Let's do this!!!

Twins-Specific Predictions
Twins MVP:

The origami has spoken. "Blue" and "6" brings me to Michael Cuddyer. See? This is fun.
Twins Top Pitcher:
Nick Blackburn. I love this fortune teller! (also, the color red.)

Twins Best Rookie:

He's still technically a rookie right? Obviously he is. The origami fortune teller would not lie.

Most Adorable Twin:

An interesting, but viable, choice dear fortune teller. Very interesting.

Bold Prediction: Joe Mauer doesn't stay healthy the whole season. I know, I know. I'm really going out on a limb there. And I didn't even use the fortune teller for that one. (I assume "Bold Prediction" means "Prediction most likely to yield a large amount of hate mail.)

A.L. Central Prediction (Standings): Another one I'll just do myself....1 White Sox, 2 Twins, 3 Indians, 4 Royals, 5 Tigers

Three Keys to Success for the Twins:
This is definitely a job for the 2nd fortune teller of the evening...

1.

2.

3.

Hey...the origami doesn't interpret the answers, it just gives you the facts.

Rest of the League Predictions
A.L. MVP:

N.L. MVP:
Hmm. I LIKE it!
A.L. Cy Young:

OK. I'll admit that the fortune teller is probably wrong on this. But I guess he DID pitch that one inning last season, so anything is possible.

N.L. Cy Young:
Even a paper fortune teller knows that he is salivating at the thought of pitching in the NL.

A.L. Rookie of the Year:

Clearly the origami is referring to SCOTT Sizemore, who DOES wear pants in his photographs.

N.L. Rookie of the Year:

And the fortune teller makes the safe bet here.

A.L. Breakout Player of the Year:

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

N.L. Breakout Player of the Year:
Well, maybe once he gets off the bench. It could happen. Maybe the paper thought I was asking about adorable floppy hair or uber-niceness or something?

OK...unless I want to make more of these paper things and get busted to using colors like "Burnt Umber" and "Chartreuse" I will take it from here on my own.

A.L. Comeback Player of the Year: Ian Kinsler. Does he qualify? I have to pick him for something and the origami was not cooperating. Maybe if he's hurt at the beginning of the season, he can be healthy and awesome for the rest of it.
N.L. Comeback Player of the Year: Matt Capps.
A.L. Playoff Predictions: Red Sox, White Sox, Rangers, Yankees
N.L. Playoff Predictions: Phillies, Cards, Giants, Mets
World Series Prediction: Um...Rangers vs. Giants. Let's dare to dream.