Yesterday I was hit with the blow that, in all reality, I will never eat a hotdog at a Twins home game again. I have some pretty strong opinions about the ickiness of Schweigert hotdogs, and I cannot imagine a situation where I would willingly consume one. Possibly, if I was under duress and the fate of the free world hung in the balance, I might consider eating one....but I couldn't make any guarantees.
And now this morning we wake up with the news that Joe Nathan tore his UCL, which leaves us sweating out 2 weeks of agonizing anticipation before he even touches a baseball again, and forcing us to consider who might be our closer in the worst case scenario.
People keep saying Jon Rauch and it's making me nauseous. More nauseous than I was while I was imagining being force-fed Schweigert natural casing hotdogs in order to save mankind, even.
See...I used to think Jon Rauch was interesting and novel, with his giant stature and terrifying body art. But then he was a total jerkoff to fans at TwinsFest (you don't have to take my word for it...there were plenty of first hand accounts of Rauch douchiness), and any goodwill I had toward Rauch disappeared.
While I am always first and foremost a Minnesota Twins fan, I have a hard time cheering for known d-bags, even if they're wearing a Twins uni....especially when they take out that d-bagginess on the fans. In fact, in Rauch's case, since there were so many reports of fan disgruntlement after TwinsFest, I was considering instituting a personal policy wherein I would only cheer for Rauch in pitching situations where the opposing player/team's Douchiness Percentile is greater than or equal to his own. If Rauch is pitching in save situations, this is going to make things even more complicated and emotionally stressful.
So, I cast my official unofficial vote for Matt Guerrier to be the interim closer, because he is adorable, good at baseball and always very nice to the fans.
But if bad news does come in threes...I'm a little nervous about what else might be coming down the road. Unless I can still count the whole Boof Bonser going to Boston thing.