Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"Now is the Winter of My Discontent." (Or, "Baseball-lessness Sucks")

Yesterday I got the Twins postcard reminding me that spring training tickets go on sale Jan. 16th.

I still can't decide if I should take it as a hopeful happy reminder that winter won't last forever, or if I should take it as a cruel painful reminder that it is very cold outside right now and baseball is still a long ways away.

Since it IS so cold out, and scraping my windshield always makes me cranky, the smart money is on the latter option.

All I know is that Christmas is done, fantasy football is over, everything is a lot less jolly, and I need some baseball, dammit.

This is the time of year I seriously start to wonder if I can actually survive another 2 months in a pitiful state of un-baseball. I don't know about you all, but I tend to get a little twitchy right about now.

I'm a couple days late posting a link to this (I blame Santa), but to help tide us all over in these desperate times of baseball-lessness, I did a fun little blogger Q & A with Jesse Spector of NYDailyNews.com the other day.

In case you are dying to know what it would be like if I were the Twins GM for a day...

[Spoiler Alert: If you guessed "Awesome," you are correct.]

[..."Professionally Choreographed" is also an acceptable answer]

...amongst other Twins-centric things about me, that is the place to find out. Go check it out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

'Tis the Off-Season

With Christmas almost here, you might be wondering what to give that favorite Twins player in your life. Or maybe you're looking to make one or two last ditch charitable efforts to lower your tax-bracket before the end of the year.

Either way, I took some time to compile a list of links to the charitable organizations and non-profits I know our players support. I know times are tough all around, and money is always tight at the holidays. But if you have a little extra to give, I'm sure any of these organizations would make great use of it. If you can't give a monetary gift, please consider offering a gift of your time and talents to one of these groups in the coming year.

(I included some former Twins too...)

People Serving People serves homeless children and their families in Minneapolis. They host a Strike Out Homelessness event at a Twins game each year. Ron Gardenhire and Corey Koskie support this cause.

Courage Center specializes in rehabilitation services for people with brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, stroke, chronic pain, autism or disabilities experienced since birth. Jesse Crain supports Courage Center.

Boys and Girls Clubs of America is Michael Cuddyer's charity of choice. Club programs and services promote and enhance the development of boys and girls by instilling a sense of competence, usefulness, belonging and influence.

Special Olympics sports are a gateway to empowerment, competence, acceptance and joy for individuals with intellectual disabilities in over 160 countries worldwide. Our favorite Canadian 1st baseman Justin Morneau supports Special Olympics.

Joe Mauer loves the Volunteers of America. They have thousands of programs nationwide that serve vulnerable groups in our communities, including at-risk youth, the elderly, men and women returning from prison, homeless individuals and families, people with disabilities, and those recovering from addictions.

Pat Neshek supports Puppy Porch. They're a no-kill foster-based non-profit animal rescue group that helps pets in need find loving homes.

Make-a-Wish and the Moyer Foundation are both lucky to have Glen Perkins on their side. Both organizations are dedicated to making life a little brighter for kids who are in desperate situations.

Brendan Harris is involved with the non-profit group WePlayGreen, which is a group of professional athletes dedicated to addressing environmental issues involved with today's professional sports. They are trying to reduce waste and increase recycling at all sports venues, and encourage green living for athletes and fans alike.

Mike Redmond might not be with the Twins anymore, that doesn't mean we don't still love him, and what better way to show it than to help out his favorite cause, the Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation, which is dedicated to improving the quality of life for children with chronic and life-threatening illnesses and life-altering injuries by providing entertainment, education and family activities that help them cope with the pain, fear and isolation of prolonged illness.

Same goes for Craig Breslow. He's not with our team anymore, but his Strike 3 Foundation is still a wonderfully worthy cause, supporting
ongoing pediatric oncology treatment and research efforts. [EDIT] Turns out our very own Kevin Slowey is also a big supporter of Craig's foundation, and serves on the Advisory Committee. Double the reasons to love this cause!

The Torii Hunter Project is building kids with strong character and assisting them with a college education.

Many Twins players are also passionate about the good work that the Twins Community Fund does. The long list of programs that the Twins Community Fund supports include Play Ball! Minnesota, the R.B.I./Rookie League, Fields for Kids, Diamonds and Dreams Scholarship Program, and TwinsCare. All proceeds from TwinsFest go to the Twins Community Fund (I suspect that my addiction to Grab Bags has sent at least 2 kids to college all by itself), but you can also donate directly. I'm sure any one of the Twins players on your Christmas list would appreciate your support of this great cause.

If you know of any that I missed, please feel free to leave a comment and an URL for folks to see.

Happy Holidays!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

This off-season just gets better and better.

Say it ain't so.

Boone Logan got traded to the Yankees organization.

I am just not OK with that.

I am now faced with the difficult choice of A) No longer loving Boone Logan or B) Throwing myself off a cliff.

This is not what Christmas is supposed to be about, dammit.

One thing is for sure. It has been a really bad off-season for pitchers I love whose first names start with "Boo."

Sunday, December 20, 2009

"Put your mittens in the air..."

This youtube video is funny. Obviously, my favorite parts are the Minnesota Twins references.

Thought I'd share it!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Things to listen to

As requested, here's a link to the interview Joe Mauer did for espnradio.com's Fantasy Focus Football podcast this week. His portion is near the end of the show.

I don't usually go out of my way to listen to Joe Mauer interviews...because while he is tops when it comes to playing baseball, I really don't want to rely on him for witty banter or sparkling conversation. But I listen to this particular podcast daily anyway. And it does manage to be more entertaining than most Mauer interviews. It's worth a listen just for his comments about playing fantasy football with Lewwwww Ford, and his in-depth and unintentionally hilarious analysis of the difference between Brian Duensing and Nick Blackburn ("Nick is right-handed.")

And while you're checking out new things to listen to, allow me to make a shameless plug for my friends Erica and Melissa at the GameOn Podcast presented by gogameface.com. It's a sports talk podcast specifically for women (and men who appreciate that women also love sports), so if you're reading this, you're pretty much the target market.

The show is fabulous every week, but this week's show is especially good. Give it a listen, and I promise you'll like it.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fa la la la la....

An excerpt from a real conversation with my parents, about my Johan Santana keepsake ornament.

Dad: Johan Santana? Why don't you have a Boof Bonser ornament? Isn't he your favorite?

Me: [cracking sound as my heart breaks yet again] They don't MAKE a Boof Bonser ornament!!!!

Mom, to Dad: Dear, if they made a Boof Bonser ornament, her entire tree would be nothing but Boof Bonsers and disco balls.

Me: [Nodding] Yup.

True story. Get on it, Hallmark.

A little funny, a little sad.

I was bored yesterday and started looking for information about Philip Humber's deal with the Royals, so I Googled him.

I thought it was funny, and kind of sad, that I got 3 relevant Philip Humber results, and then Google assumed that maybe I was actually looking for Kevin Mulvey instead.

Apparently Kevin Mulvey and Philip Humber are interchangeable.

I suppose it's like when my Netflix recommendation list tells me that I will like "Television Shows With A Strong Female Lead." (Apparently Netflix has seen the small shrines I keep to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Veronica Mars.)

This was just Google's way of saying "Oh, I see you are interested in mediocre pitching prospects who were traded to the Twins for Johan Santana and were ultimately wildly disappointing. May I interest you in a little Kevin Mulvey while you're here?"

Like I said...a little funny....a little sad. Sad for poor interchangeable Philip/Kevin. Sad for us. Funny at 2 am.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Is it not enough to have my heart broken this off-season?

Has that not caused me enough pain and anguish already?

Must I also endure this?

Must Nick Swisher really infect one of my favorite prime-time network comedies as well?

I am officially crying "uncle." For whatever I did to anger the baseball gods this much, I am truly repentant.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

What stage of grief is "Musical Montage Making"?

Whatever stage of grief it is....I'm officially there.


Actually...I thought it was so funny while I was making it that I couldn't stop giggling at my own ridiculousness. That's probably a good sign that I might just survive afterall.

Oh, and for those that are curious...yes, I was this inconsolable when Doug and A.J. each got traded too. I just didn't have a blog then, or the technological capabilities to express my digital angst adequately.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Today's Whackadoodle Theory

Today's Whackadoodle Theory:

Boof Bonser was forced to leave the Twins because the addition of Jon Rauch last season threw the team's "number of players to number of tattoos" ratio way off balance.

It's as good a theory as any, I think.

Also, my last two long-term baseball boyfriends wore jersey #26. I've grown kind of fond of and loyal to the number. Please, whoever takes it next, PLEASE be awesome and adorable. I am begging you.

I feel like post-Drew Barrymore-break-up Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch. But I can't actually watch Fever Pitch, because all the Red Sox stuff makes me even sadder.

I'm sorry for fixating. I really am. But if anyone didn't see this coming....you clearly haven't been paying attention. I've been trying to emotionally prepare myself for this possibility since 2007. Clearly it did not help.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Booflessness Day 3.1: The Nightmare Continues

Booflessness Day 3, again.

Dear Journal,

It's over. He's officially traded.

It's not like I'm thrilled with the team choice (Thanks a lot Bill Smith. Way to twist the knife ol' buddy).

Boston was third to last on my prioritized list of teams I made, as I contemplated where Boof might go. You can probably guess the two that fell lower on the list.

It's a FL spring training team, so there's that. But it's one of the teams that is impossible more-expensive-than-I-care-to-think-about to get decent tickets for their games ANYWHERE. So....not super helpful.

Even so....meet the newest item on my Christmas List.

It sucks, and I feel dirty.

But as Boof goes, so goes my nation.

At least sometimes.

Booflessness Day 3: Reminiscing

Day 3 of Booflessness

Dear Journal,

I am still sad.

But today I feel strong enough to remember some of the great times I had fan-girling Boof Bonser over the last four years. And it makes me smile.

Like how this is my favorite Boof Bonser autograph of all of my Boof Bonser autographs (and boy, there are a LOT of them):

And then I remember how awesome it was when Boof was signing said autograph, and he just sort of looked at it funny for a really really long time and it got a little awkward. It provided Those Girls with a lot of entertainment and giggles.

Good times.

But then I remember that I will never have funny awkward moments like that with Boof Bonser at Target Field. And then my heart hurts.

So then I go and watch haiku video to feel better. Because I still love Boof's most of all. (Although mine were also pretty dang good, if I do say so myself.)

So much fun. So much happiness.

But now it's all gone, and I am left in a black hole of Boofless despair.

I hope he's either traded or signs somewhere ASAP after he's released (please please please please to a team with Florida spring training) so that I can get a new jersey right away. I think that will make me feel better.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Day 2 of Booflessness

Day 2:

Dear Journal,

I am still sad.

And I am not just a little bit sad. I am "Boof with a Bad Haircut" sad.

I am going to go chew on a towel now.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

No Joy in Mudville.

I received many condolence twitter tweets and text messages today, after the news about Boof Bonser being designated for assignment broke.

And yes, I am heartbroken. And I am cranky. I heard the news while I was at work, so I could not throw the tantrum that I so desperately wanted to throw. (Which is maybe a good thing. I have a lot of breakables in my house.)

I am proud that when people in this little corner of the Twins blogosphere think of Boof Bonser, they also think of me. I think this means that I have done my part to publicly support and cheer on my baseball boyfriend through thick and thin, to the very best of my ability.

And in return, Boof has been the very best baseball boyfriend I could ask for.

The fact that Boof was cut to make room on the roster for Carl Pavano is a little like having salt rubbed in the wound that Bill Smith has torn into my heart.

And the first person who tries to say anything rational or reasonable to ME about this being a good move is going to get popped right in the nose. You have been warned. I am not feeling reasonable or rational right now. This is my blog, and my own personal heartbreak...it is not up for debate. And my love of Boof has always surpassed reason anyway.

In the past few weeks, Those Girls have lost players we have been particularly and specifically fond of: Carlos Gomez, Brian Buscher, Mike Redmond and Boof Bonser. And before that, Jason Bartlett, Garrett Jones, Brian Bass (that one is ALL Casey...I'm taking no credit for that), Bobby Korecky, and Craig Breslow.

With the possible exceptions of Carlos Gomez and Jason Bartlett, there were times when we cheered really loudly for those guys, and it was clear that we were the ONLY people cheering loudly. Which only made us cheer louder and more enthusiastically. And when Bill Smith systematically tore each of them away from us, it broke our hearts, repeatedly and painfully.

And since I'm in an irrational mood, I will say that it really feels at this point like Bill Smith is targeting us personally. In fact, I think that if Bill Smith had to put down on paper his management strategy since he took the reins, it would look something like this:

"I hate Those Girls and I want them to be sad."

Mission accomplished, Bill. We are sad. We are very sad. You must be doing a happy dance right about now.

I am just not going to have a Twins Baseball Boyfriend anymore. I decided that today. Bill Smith is not going to have my heart to kick around anymore.

But I am publicly declaring a deep undying love for Carl Pavano right now. Take that for what it's worth.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Frequently Googled Again: Blasts from the Past Edition

I think it's that time again. Time to answer some of the burning questions (and odd phrases) people google, only to find themselves here. I chose a few that seemed interesting, mainly because they were NOT "Joe Mauer," "Mauer," or "Nick Swisher shirtless."

"Bubba ODonnell": Bubba O'Donnell is a RHP. I remember him as the awesomely mohawked closer for the Madison Mallards in the Northwoods League a couple years ago. He got drafted by the Cubs, but was released sometime last spring. I haven't heard anything about him since, and it makes me sad inside. He does have a MySpace page which hasn't been updated since MySpace was still marginally cool, but there are some pictures. Enjoy!

"Baseball Stupidest Trades": Perhaps I'm just still feeling a little bit bitter, but I think this is what you may be looking for.

"Yankees Sayings TShirts": Hmm. I don't actually keep a lot of those around the house, oddly enough. But here's a good one...

You can buy your very own shirt here.

"What is face fungus?": An excellent question. I'm no dermatologist, but when you look in the mirror and see something that looks like this...

Or this...

...You should probably see a qualified medical professional.

"Spooky Milk Brendan Harris Girlfriend"
: Sorry. I try very hard to find people the answers that they're looking for, but I just have no earthly idea what this even means. Good luck finding out, though!

"Jason Pridie Sex?": Um. Wow. Well, to answer the question..Jason Pridie is a male. Thanks for playing.