Tuesday, October 13, 2009

SMALL MARKET MLB TEAMS KNOCKED OUT OF PLAYOFFS; TV EXECS DOUSE EACH OTHER IN CHAMPAGNE



ATLANTA--The scene at the Turner Entertainment Networks headquarters was a tense one. Executives huddled together around the big screen television in the main conference room. As game 4 of the Phillies/Rockies wound down, you could feel the excitement building. And when the final out was recorded, the room erupted.

Dozens of champagne bottles were wheeled in, and then the festivities really heated up. Between champagne showers,TNT President Steven Koonin was quoted as saying “It’s a really proud day here for us. TBS could not be more pleased with this outcome. You know, we started to get excited after St. Louis lost, but we just didn’t want to jinx anything. Once Minnesota lost, well, it really felt like something magical was happening, although we knew we still had a big battle ahead of us. But today, watching Colorado get knocked out, there just aren’t words enough to describe how special this is.”

Donald Trembly, an associate in the advertising sales department, echoed his boss’s relief and joy. “You know, I think you always need to be a little worried. I mean, it just seems like every year, one of those small loser fly-over teams sneaks in there and really ruins things for us. They’re scrappy. I’ll give them that. But you know what? At the end of the day, scrappy just don’t sell avocados. Booyah!“

Even the interns got in on the celebrations. Rookie Chaz McMurphy was practically in tears. “You dream of something like this your whole life. I almost can’t believe it’s happening to me. I’m 21 years old, and I’m already going to be able to shill basic cable George Lopez programming to the largest possible audience I can imagine. I’m just so proud to be a part of this special team. This is just unreal. Excuse me…I need to call my mom.”

Of course, across the country at the FOX Broadcasting Company, the celebrations were going equally strong. Linda Price, a FOX executive, toasted the Big Market Sweep by admitting that for days she “woke up in cold sweats, after having nightmares about a Twins-Rockies World Series.”

6 comments:

Mh said...

Well there is no joy in mudville. But I am so please Chip Carrey is still working.

Anonymous said...

worthy of The Onion! Well said.
If it ends up being a Yankees/Dodgers WS, I will probably not watch...

--tammy

Tricia said...

I think my ideal World Series would be the Twins vs the Brewers. That would be astoundingly awesome. The talking heads would explode, and that would be SUPER astoundingly awesome.

Sarah said...

The only rooting interest I have left is having fingers crossed for Torii to get a ring. I'll watch the W.S. if the Angels represent the AL. Otherwise...I'll probably just use the time to catch up on shows I skipped during the Twins end-run.

I can watch just about any team as long as it's baseball. But I just patently refuse to watch the Yankees do anything anymore. They play the game too slow, and the broadcaster's crazy Yankee love is Beyond Irritating.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Omigod, I freakin' LOVED this post! Hysterical. :)

Jeremiah said...

Sarah... I love you for this one. An instant classic!
Yeah, during the Yankees-Twins game, when the Yankees made a "spectacular" (usually routine) play... I honestly just kept waiting for John Madden to show up and say "That's classic Brett Favre right there"