Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Silver Linings

Every cloud has a silver lining. So I have a list of positive effects of this quickly tanking dull and lifeless '09 Twins season.

10 Silver Linings:

1) As Twins Territory collectively seeks to drown our sorrows, the increased liquor sales will help boost the floundering economy.

2) With no interesting Twins news to report, sports reporters will have more time and energy to devote to fabricating Brett Favre news.

3) I think I am pretty close to being able to safely re-allocate the vacation days I saved "just-in-case" for potential post-season games. Not sure what I'm going to do with them...but I have a few ideas (see Silver Lining #1).

4) No more hearing damage from the decibal level of a playoff-atmosphere Metrodome. Ever. I guess my ears will be happy, even if my heart is broken.

5) There should be plenty of good golfing weather left for the players and coaches once our season is done early. Sincerely. Maybe some time spent relaxing, and refocusing will help. Everyone needs a little Me Time.

6) September call-ups are a little more interesting if we're out of the running. Let some fresh blood start a few games, even if they're not really ready for this level of play. It certainly can't get any worse, right? I vote for Trevor Plouffe.

7) Pre-Season NFL seems a lot more entertaining than usual to me, by comparison.

8) No reason to bust out my Twins car flag, thereby not making my car's MPG worse, and consequently decreasing my carbon footprint. So, really, the Twins are helping to save the WORLD.

9) With no fun hijinks, shenanigans or nicknames (Smell 'Em, Little Piranhas, etc.), there are no associated novelty t-shirts to buy either. It's a brilliant money-saving solution!

10) The '09 season has given me the opportunity to quote lines from the movie "Hamlet 2" more often. Most notably: "Hope is a demon bitch." I love Hamlet 2.

And finally, an unrelated sidenote that is really just a message for Bobby Keppel (and a cautionary note to the rest of the pitching staff by extension): If you ever even think about possibly potentially hitting Ian Kinsler with a pitch again at any point in the future, accidentally or otherwise, I will end you.

Hasn't the poor boy been through enough lately?!

Leave Ian Kinsler alone. He is fragile, and I love him. He is off-limits, so get your wild pitching under control. Or you will have to deal with me.


Anonymous said...

Awesome. You should write for Letterman. Seriously.

luckie/sarah said...

I definently like #6...I want to see Plouffe! Unfortunately, I think the Rangers will be in Minnesota before he gets the call up.

Yes, the Cabrera hit was scary, especially when Kuroda and Wright got hit with more severe outcomes. Lucky that it hit his shoulder first. I still think Varitek called it, just because Bourbon was making him look *horrible*.

Plus side to Ian's jersey brush--he had to undo his belt and pants at first to get redressed. Not that you really see anything inappropriate, but it's still a nice touch.

I thought Keppel sucks? He apparently does very well against Texas.

Anonymous said...

That helped me put things into perspective....thanks!

Waterboy23 said...

2) With no interesting Twins news to report, sports reporters will have more time and energy to devote to fabricating Brett Favre news. Great - just Great - now he's signed ... ugh.

Sarah said...

Yes, the list can now be ammended to read "sports reporters will now have more time and energy to devote to telling us what Brett Favre had for breakfast."

Anonymous said...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who plans their October around the possibility of "having" to attend playoff games.

I was/am a little nervous that my tickets to Metallica were going to be a conflict!