Thursday, May 21, 2009

Eureka. I found it.

It took a while, but I finally figured it out.

I know what's wrong.

The bad news is, I'm pretty sure it is indirectly my fault.  The good news is, I think I have a solution.

The piece of the puzzle that tipped me off was Craig Breslow.  My Temporary Primary Baseball Boyfriend getting snapped up off waivers? Could just be coincidental.  But where is the last place on earth I would ever want anyone I even remotely cared about to go? 


I can no longer consider this purely coincidental.

See...this is kind of all about me.  Shocking.  I know.

I am having a super bad week. Without going into details, because I don't like to whine ( this point it's more like whimpering anyway), it's just one of those weeks where everything that can possibly go wrong does go wrong, down to the tiniest details. 

It happens sometimes. 

I think that sometimes the Universe gets bored, and I am fun to mess with. So the Universe makes things go badly for me until it is satisfactorily entertained.  And they're generally me-specific things (a bad economy, bad weather, etc. are bad for everyone and don't count).  I think that's because the Universe likes me to be acutely aware that it is torturing me.  It's, apparently, more fun that way. I was thinking that the Twins losing streak was a contributing factor in the Week From Hell. But now I get it. Instead, it's just a by-product. My luck is rotten, ergo bad things are happening to people and things I care about. 

[Further evidence would be Jake Peavy coming OUT OF THE BLUE, not only to our league, but to our division. And not only to our division, but to our dreaded division rivals. We are well beyond the "could be a coincidence" stage, trust me.]

Sorry guys.  My bad. I wish I had realized this earlier.

I have a solution though. I thought of it last night. I just need to be sneaky and trick the Universe into thinking I care about something else instead.  It took me a while to think of the team I would want to drag down with me.  I thought of the Yankees, or any NBA team...but let's face it. The Universe can sometimes be tricked....but it is not braindead. I couldn't sell that.  

And then it dawned on me. The most obvious answer. I will convince the Universe that I have become a Brewers fan. It makes sense, geographically. Everyone here (besides me) is inexplicably a Brewers fan. And if this works the way I hope it does, it will be beneficial to the Twins this weekend.

Like I said, I really have to sell it to make it work. I'm currently thinking up cheers and chants for their starting pitchers. I think I will hit Scheels and ooh and ahh over their Brewers merchandise and tell their manager how much I love that they only carry Brewers crap even though we are geographically closer to a vastly superior team called the Twins.

Oh, and meet my new Temporary Primary Baseball Boyfriend, Bill Hall. 

He's acceptably good at baseball, and based on the time Those Girls ran into him, quite the snappy dresser.  

My apologies to Bill Hall and teammates in advance, for possibly probably cursing them with my bad luck. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

When I feel my fortures have changed enough to make it safe for my real team of choice, I will proudly wear my TC emblems once again.  


k-bro said...

You could start by cracking a Miller High-Life or Miller Lite to show your support for Bernie Brewer. Make sure the Universe sees you drinking it (try really hard not to make a face).

Waterboy23 said...

I just got my sausage race shirt out of the closet !!!

Heidi said...

And here I thought it was my fault.

Jeremiah said...

C'mon now... supporting the Brewers is one thing... but Bernie is just... horrible.

Waterboy23 said...

10-0 Twins ! in the 4th ... maybe your onto something ....

Michelle Clemens said...

16-0... Wow. Go Brewers!!!! :)

Cait said...

I have a feeling they took my advice. This display suggests to me there were some naked men hitting baseballs in the last day...

Katie said...

Twins win in miraculous fashion. Peavy vetoes ChiSox trade.

Yup. I'm the jinx. I'm 99% certain now. Cue the sad Charlie Brown music.

Heidi said...

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure I was part of it in some way. Nick Blackburn is on my fantasy team...every time I start him he does poorly. when I don't start him he does really well. I'm never starting him ever again.

Rebecca said...

It worked! You are brilliant.