Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dear Jason Bartlett,

First off, let me just say Jason Bartlett, that I think I speak for everyone when I say that we still love you and we miss you.

Last night you once again demonstrated that you continue to be both adorable and good at baseball in equal proportions.  Those are our favorite attributes.

But, see....here's the thing.  When you play against us for another team....we don't actually want you to be that good at baseball.  It's nothing personal.  I just worry that maybe if you're too good at baseball when you play against the Twins, we will be forced to stop loving you.  And I don't think any of us wants that.

After you hit your home run I thought "Oh no....I got irritated with people for cheering Torii Hunter when he hit a home run. Now what!?" But, then I realized that there are different rules. You were traded away against your will.  You did not abandon us.  There are distictions made for such matters in my Those Girls Rules of Fan Conduct.  

So, I won't tell people not to cheer for you (in fact, I kind of still encourage it).  But please know that you are thin ice, mister.  

So, here's the deal.  No more home runs until you play someone else.  When you play someone else you may hit as many home runs as your little heart desires.  You can get singles and steal bases if you must, because:
a) it is still really fun to watch you steal bases 
b) because my fantasy opponent this week does not have you on his team
as long as the aforementioned hitting and base-stealing does not result in any earned runs for our pitchers. No touching home!

I think that's fair.  You're more than adorable enough to make up for two games of being slightly less good at baseball than usual.  Cut us a break, OK?



Waterboy23 said...

Jason Bartlett is my non-sexual man crush :-)

Katie said...

Way to stand up and be proud Waterboy23! There is nothing wrong with a Jason Bartlett bro-mance.

Waterboy23 said...

I'm secure in my masculinity. It was a good day - got to wear my Bartlett shirt, he hit a homerun, on my fantasy team ... and you put out a great post ... what could be better?

Katie said...

I can only think of one better thing. MY fantasy team not batting a shocking .086 last night. *ahem* Yes, Mr. Morneau I am looking at YOU.

Jeremiah said...

Indeed.... I think that has been the problem with the Twins for the last couple of years. Always they get a bunch of runs in one or two games and then almost nothing in others. If only they learned to spread the runs out a bit more, maybe we could have more Joe Nathan Saves (which everyone loves) and Jason Bartlett could still do well and the Twins season record wouldn't suffer.

To comment on the other post about Mauer, while he isn't the end all be all of the Twins, he does make a difference when he's in the game and not in the game. Morales is an OK offensive catcher, but he's been less than stellar at calling games and throwing out runners. Plus, I think Mauer's BFF Justin Morneau has been sad and that's why he hasn't been hitting well lately. Nick Punto and Mike Redmond can only do so much to keep morale up with their superheroness and naked batting practiceness respectively.

Word: imenes
"Imenes you can't always expects us to does what we told!" (ebonics)

David said...

How you gonna get upset with our boy for hitting a solo homer in the 9th inning with the Devil Rays already up 6-1? At that point I'd think you'd be happy for him.

Katie said...

I'm not upset. I just don't want him to make a habit of it.

Tylar said...

I read your blog on a regular basis, and as a hardcore female Rays fan and fellow lover of Bartlett (who I affectionately refer to as 'Burns'), I find your posts concerning him to be the my personal favs-- this one was particularly hilarious! ;)