Sunday, March 29, 2009

Say Hello to Team Awesome.

I drafted my team ESPN: Play Ball! podcast Battle of the Sexes fantasy baseball league.

Since I am playing for the good of womankind and noble ideals of justice, equality and adorableness everywhere, I'm going to need everyone to keep my boys in mind...for luck. Think happy, winning, good-at-baseball, don't-get-broken thoughts for them. I tried not to pick anyone too distasteful. There's a White Sock in there, but we're all just going to have to get along, OK?

Everyone, I'd like you to meet Team Awesome.

Team Awesome, this is everybody.

At catcher, we have Brian McCann from the Braves. He likes to hit homeruns, and he gets to work with Boone Logan now. Mmm....Boone Logan....

Playing 1st base is someone we all know and love....our favorite giant strapping Canadian...
Justin Morneau!

At 2nd....he wears high socks, and is as good at baseball as he is adorable. Guess who? That's right. It's Ian Kinsler. I am nothing if not predictable.

At 3B, I have Chris Davis, also from the Rangers. I don't know much about Chris Davis, except that he plays with Ian Kinsler, is eligible at 1st AND 3rd, and seems to be acceptably good at baseball. C is for Cookie, and that's good enough for me.

Jose Reyes is my shortstop. He steals bases and scores runs, and he can pass our secret messages to Johan if we need him to.

My middle infielder is Miguel Tejada. He plays for Houston (BOO!). He probably used steroids (double BOO!). And he just narrowly avoided prison time for perjury (triple BOO!) Whatever. I needed a warm body who could hold a bat.

At the corner infield position, I have Casey Kotchman. My motto for him is: "He can't possibly suck as bad as last year. Right? RIGHT?!"

In the outfield, I have Alex Rios, whose main job is to help boost the overall Adorableness Quotient of my team, what with Miggy T dragging it down. And Vernon Wells....just because he was there and I like Canada. And Coco Crisp...because he has a name like a cereal and he'll probably be more awesome in K.C.

In my Utility/DH spot, I've slotted new TB Ray Pat Burrell. Because even in a totally pretend game with no defensive stats, I STILL don't want him anywhere near the field on defense.

Ready to come off the bench as needed, I have Brad Hawpe from CO who will take Coco's spot if he manages to be healthy, Shin-Soo Choo from Cleveland, and Baltimore's soon-to-be-Mauer-like-phenom-catcher Matt Weiters, who will be joining us from AAA as soon as the Orioles decide he's stayed down long enough to save them a little bit of cash.

My starting pitchers are:

Kevin Slowey, because I heart him, and he is going to flippin' awesome this season. Seriously. He was good last season...but even just watching him pitch in Florida....there's something different. He's in it to win it.

Zack Greinke from KC, because he's pretty good at baseball and he's a little anti-social. Which I kind of like.

Manny Parra from Milwaukee, because he looked pretty darn good at baseball to me last season. A little wild. But we can work around that.

Jesse Litsch, from Toronto. Once again...he was there. I like Canada. It gives me an excuse to sing the OK! Blue Jays! song more often than I already do.

Pitching in relief we have:

Matt Capps, from the Pirates. I feel like I have a bond with the Pirates now. I had to have ONE that would be decent on a fantasy team, and someone else picked Nate McClouth before I could.

Matt Lindstrom from the Marlins. His position on Team Awesome is pending a final report on the severity of his current brokenness.

Joakim Soria from KC. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Royals are going to win a few more games this year, and someone is going to have to Save them.

Bobby Jenks, from the White Sox. I warned you that I had one. Be nice. I need Bobby to be awesome. Also, Casey kind of loves him.

C.J. Wilson. I have to be honest. I drafted C.J. in the very last round. He's not even the closer anymore. But I was tired of drafting, and I didn't want to pick through stats of the bottom-of-the-barrel guys. So, I decided to go with my patented H.A.P. approach and just drafted the Hottest Available Player, so I could look at his picture for a while. It makes me happy. I will be combing through the free agents and comparing their stats at my leisure now. So, C.J. isn't long for my team. But while he's here....he's sending that collective Adorableness Quotient through the roof. (Also, did you know that C.J. Twitters? Oh, yes. He totally does. It only makes me love him more.)


S.Rail said...

Kevin Slowey is going to knock everybody's socks off this year. Defensivly...and offensivly! :)

Heidi said...

your team looks amazing! I too, have Ian Kinsler and Justin Morneau on my fantasy team.

Jeremiah said...

Were you aware that the Minnesota Rollergirls also have a Team Awesome that plays the banked track roller derby? Sarah, I think it's time you just admit that you're truly a rollergirl at heart and join up!

On a sidenote... it's too bad that there are no defensive stats. It means that nobody picked the Tiny Superhero (watch him have an amazing offensive year just to spite fantasy baseball... right? right?!)

Katie said...

I drafted Nick Punto in a league one year. True story.

Nick Punto is going to have an amazing year, absolutely. I have faith in our Tiny Superhero.