Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mid-week Check-in

I knew that Boston had been looking to move Coco Crisp for awhile now, but I honestly had no idea that they had so much animosity towards the guy.

No offense to K.C. fans--I like Billy Butler a lot--but I kind of assume that Kansas City is where other teams send their players when they hate them so much that simply getting rid of them isn't enough...when they want to make it personal instead.

Welcome to the AL Central, Coco. You just keep being mediocre at baseball, and I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

Did anyone else see the rumor that Mark Teixeira is "interested" in the Nationals or the Orioles? I can only imagine that he is "interested" in the same sense that I am "interested" in communicable diseases....I need enough information about them so that I know how to avoid them. That, or Mark Teixeira does not actually follow the sport of baseball.

That being said, I would kind of like to see either team snag the interest of parity. Let's keep things interesting.

As far as that whole MVP thing goes, I'm content--ecstatic, even--just having two Twins crack the top 4. I will admit that Dustin Pedroia is annoyingly good at baseball and is a worthy recipient.

Monday, November 17, 2008

A Short Pros and Cons list for CC

I know CC Sabathia probably spent his weekend mulling over the completely insane $140 million/6 years offer the Yankees put on the table. I've compiled a brief pro/con list to help him more thoroughly evaluate the offer.

Con: Selling your soul to Satan.

Pro: Satan will pay you enough for your soul so that you can buy 78,212,290 and 1/2 Slurpees at 7-Eleven. That comes out to 35,697 Slupees a day for 6 years, or-if you're the frugal sort-4,283 Slurpees a day for the next 50 years.

Choose wisely.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Well.....crap. Now what?

When I first read the news about Pat Neshek's arm, I made a sound that no doubt caused those around me to wonder if I was in need of medical assistance. I'm sure a similar sound could be heard across the upper midwest, as hearts in Twins Territory collectively broke simultaneously.

Ever since they announced that there had been "a set-back" in Pat's recovery, I've been steeling myself for bad news. But I honestly didn't think it'd be this bad. No Neshek in '09?!

Well.....crap. Now what?

If there were a silver-lining to the whole depressing situation, I suppose it would be that it happened now, while the market is wide open.

It makes sense that everyone is jumping to Huston Street conclusions. The Rockies just happen to have an extra closer lying around, at the exact same time the Twins are, yet again, in desperate need of a set-up man, and the two teams have already been chatting about possible deals.

I will admit. I'm torn.

Huston Street is grade-A Adorable. He is absolutely cute enough to be a Twin, no question.

But in order to make a major deal with the Rockies to acquire Street and Atkins, I'm guessing we'd have to give up quite a bit. I tried, hypothetically, to think of which Twins I'd be willing to part with and I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Well...OK. I did come up with 3 or 4 names....but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. [Sorry guys...Huston Street is really pretty. I'm weak...and vulnerable from Neshek-depression.] Athouth, I doubt the handful of names on my list would be super-tempting to the Rockies anyway.

Of course, Huston Street's ERA of almost EIGHT when he pitches on turf tempers my enthusiasm a little.

And, obviously, there are Oakland-cooties to consider.

But still....

It IS something to think about....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Poor Matt Holliday.

Poor, poor Matt Holliday.

I'm sure being traded to another team would be hard enough without the added stress of having to grow blotchy facial hair, and figuring out the mechanics of DIY tattooing.

Watch your back, Matt. Good luck in Oakland. Oh, and a word of advice-- If I were you, I wouldn't let any of your new teammates babysit your kids for you.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Atkins's Diets is a terrible name for a kids' charity.

I woke up in a cold sweat last night, my unconscious mind having brought up a vitally important aspect of a possible Michael Cuddyer trade that I'm not sure the Twins have considered with enough care.

I'm not referring to the fact that Atkins plays kind of crappy away from Coors Field, making him a gamble, which I pointed out on the Twins Hot Stove blog.

Nope, that's not my biggest concern.

If they take Cuddyer away from us, that will mean we will have lost Lew's CPUs, Hunter's Homies AND Cuddy's Buddies in the space of a year. Those were the three awesomest charity signs we had. That would leave Mauer's Minnies as the most clever one...and while it's good...seeing as both words start with M, and Mauer is from's not great. I have come to expect a higher standard of cleverness and rhyming/alliteration in my Twins charity nicknames.

The only thing I can think of for Garrett would be "Atkins's Diets," and it's like 4 years past that being funny or relevant. No thanks.

I should write Bill Smith a letter maybe. It's possible that he hasn't even realized the full implications of that particular deal.

In other news, the new rumor is Delmon Young for Kevin Kouzmanoff. Meh. I don't really like it.

AND a big congrats to Joe Mauer for his Gold Glove. It's a big deal in and of itself.....but the fact that he screwed Pudge Rodriguez out of another one makes it a freakin' HOLIDAY in my world.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I would like to literally put Nick Swisher on a Hot Stove.

Whew....just when I can stop obsessively clicking "refresh" on (I live in WI, so no pesky up-in-the-air Senate race for me), it's time to start obsessively clicking "refresh" at

Obviously, the story I'm most interested in is the possibility that the White Sox could shop Nick Swisher. Possibly to the Yankees.

I got goosebumps when I typed that. What would happen if that much evil converged in one place? I'm imagining the earth might open up and swallow everyone. Or a swirly vortex of evilness could appear and suck everything into another dimension. It's hard to say for certain. But it's a dangerous prospect.

I prefer the the speculation that he might wind up back in Oakland. Nick Swisher belongs in Oakland. He fits there. It would be pretty amusing if Chicago and Oakland just called a "do-over" on that trade and just traded back. It'd be like kids who suffered pog-trade regret after lunch. Just swap back! No harm, no foul.

Think of how much rejoicing there would be in Oakland. The fans, God bless 'em, loved him there.

The only slightly intriguing Twins storyline at the moment is the expressed interest in Garrett Atkins of the Rockies.

Garrett Atkins is OK. According to Wikipedia, he babysits Matt Holliday's kids. That's sort of funny. I can picture him babysitting for Glen Perkins.

But my interest in that trade is minimal, because:
A) The Official Those Girls Policy Position on 3B is "Umm...We like Brian Buscher, Actually."
B) The Twins are becoming the Team that Cried Third Base, and I just don't believe them anymore.

Meanwhile, I am entertaining myself by trying to predict which bargain basement "veteran" free-agent the Twins will inevitably sign this off-season. Bill Smith will take a trip to the proverbial Baseball Player Goodwill Store, where he will purchase something that no doubt used to be nice, but smells a little musty now because, by golly, it's just such a great deal!

You know it's going to happen. You can set your watch by it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Coping mechanisms.

I probably should have blogged something about the end of the World Series was still relevant.

To quote myself, speaking to well-meaning folks who asked me about it back then, "We're. Not. Talking. About. It. Yet."

I'm fairly stable about it now, though. And I certainly wasn't as devastated about the Rays losing as I would have been if it were the Twins. Although, I was more devastated about the Rays losing than I would be for any other non-Twins team. And I was very annoyed with the variety of mean things people were saying about Jason Bartlett, certainly. For the record, I think Jason made the right move....9 times out of 10 in that situation, he'd score safely and be a hero.

Not that I'm dwelling.

I think the Phillies winning just irritated me because I find nothing more annoying than A-hole baseball fans....and Philadelphia has created this whole identity/brand based on having A-hole fans. It just irritates me that they get rewarded. I'm trying to look on the bright side and hope that maybe a taste of success will make everyone act a little cheerier/less rat-bastard-y, but I don't think I will hold my breath. Interestingly, I wound up not minding many of the actual Phillies players, although Jayson Werth continues to haunt my most chilling nightmares.

Beyond the fact that the outcome of the World Series was not to my liking, I mostly just hate the end of baseball for another season. It's sad.'s just getting good. Hockey's started. And basketball....heh...I just tried to type that with a straight face. Couldn't do it. Still, there's football and hockey. They're OK substitutes. But I really won't feel whole again until baseball's back.

It was really sad to have to turn the page on my Twins wall calendar and say goodbye to Jason Bartlett. But Mr. November is Joe Nathan, so I wasn't sad for too long. That's the beauty of the Twins wall calendar.

Still, the baseball-less months suck, no matter whose picture graces their calendar pages. I've developed a few coping mechanisms.

It helps to quantify how short the off-season is by marking it off by the holidays. When the World Series is over, it's just a month until Thanksgiving, then another month until Christmas, then only a month until TwinsFest, and then just a month until Pitchers and Catchers Report, and then just over a month until Opening Day. It's my top 5 Favorite Holidays right in a row. I can handle the depression of no baseball for a month at a time.

I also like to buy baseball cards during the off-season. I would not say I'm a collector, in the traditional sense, although I DO have a lot of cards. I have a vague idea of what is valuable and what is not, but I have my own priorities. I like cards for the following reasons, in descending order of importance:
  • The card features a Twins player.
  • The card features a someone who used to be a Twins player.
  • The card features a non-Twins player that I happen to like. (Think Ian Kinsler.)
  • The card is pretty and/or especially shiny.
And this week, I've been distracting myself from my current state of baseball-less-ness by brainstorming some ways to expand/improve this blog in preparation for the '09 season. I've had a couple of notions I'm pretty excited about, but I won't go into specifics until I have more concrete details. An off-season in pursuit of awesomeness surely cannot go wrong. I'm reminded of a favorite quote from the immortal Neil Patrick Harris,

"When I feel sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead."