Thursday, November 6, 2008

I would like to literally put Nick Swisher on a Hot Stove.

Whew....just when I can stop obsessively clicking "refresh" on (I live in WI, so no pesky up-in-the-air Senate race for me), it's time to start obsessively clicking "refresh" at

Obviously, the story I'm most interested in is the possibility that the White Sox could shop Nick Swisher. Possibly to the Yankees.

I got goosebumps when I typed that. What would happen if that much evil converged in one place? I'm imagining the earth might open up and swallow everyone. Or a swirly vortex of evilness could appear and suck everything into another dimension. It's hard to say for certain. But it's a dangerous prospect.

I prefer the the speculation that he might wind up back in Oakland. Nick Swisher belongs in Oakland. He fits there. It would be pretty amusing if Chicago and Oakland just called a "do-over" on that trade and just traded back. It'd be like kids who suffered pog-trade regret after lunch. Just swap back! No harm, no foul.

Think of how much rejoicing there would be in Oakland. The fans, God bless 'em, loved him there.

The only slightly intriguing Twins storyline at the moment is the expressed interest in Garrett Atkins of the Rockies.

Garrett Atkins is OK. According to Wikipedia, he babysits Matt Holliday's kids. That's sort of funny. I can picture him babysitting for Glen Perkins.

But my interest in that trade is minimal, because:
A) The Official Those Girls Policy Position on 3B is "Umm...We like Brian Buscher, Actually."
B) The Twins are becoming the Team that Cried Third Base, and I just don't believe them anymore.

Meanwhile, I am entertaining myself by trying to predict which bargain basement "veteran" free-agent the Twins will inevitably sign this off-season. Bill Smith will take a trip to the proverbial Baseball Player Goodwill Store, where he will purchase something that no doubt used to be nice, but smells a little musty now because, by golly, it's just such a great deal!

You know it's going to happen. You can set your watch by it.


Mrs. Slowey said...

Okay, so my comment has nothing to do with the post...but that's okay!
You should check out this cake I found. It's awesome. When I marry Kevin, this is what I want. :)

Anonymous said...

I hope Norm Coleman is visiting New York when that Swisher/Yankee vortex opens up!


Jeremiah said...

The upside to an evil vortex is Newton's Law has to apply, meaning there has to be a just as equal good vortex. And the two most likely places for that vortex are Tampa Bay or Minnesota! (And, let's face it, if Tampa didn't have Garza or Bartlett, we wouldn't care about them as much)
So if they do, that would mean that, for at least one year, one of us would get a wicked goodness streak. I'm thinking since Tampa passed it up this year and the Twins got slapped by technicalities in the last couple of regular season games, it will be us. Besides, the Twinkies have to leave the Dome with happy memories. Otherwise it's just a big inflatable toilet that people like to flush by doing The Wave every once in a while.

k-bro said...

My Dear Those Girls:

I just saw a rumor that our own cuddly Michael Cuddyer is the possible trade bait for the aforementioned Garrett Atkins.

You have proven magical powers. Would you consider using them to strengthen your official position and prevent this from happening? Please?


Katie said...

I read the same rumor today....I got a little sick to my stomach.

I will definitely try to think up some super powerful mojo to thwart this possibility.

claudia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
claudia said...

please do! it would just be so more than wrong.

El BrendaƱo said...

hahaha!!!! Best blog of the day award goes to you!