Thursday, July 3, 2008

Using my powers for good, and evil.

First of all, I would like to thank Nick Blackburn for succumbing to peer pressure, and choosing the blue jerseys today. Three out of five starting pitchers choose blue. I like it.

You know what else I like?

Winning. I find it vastly superior to losing in most, if not all, respects.

But winning won't do us much good in the rankings, if the White Sox don't start losing. So naturally I have to wonder what I, as a dedicated fan and sometimes Controller-of-the-Universe-with-my-mind, can do to make this happen.

It was recently suggested to me that Nick Swisher might be "feeding off my hatred and it is making him stronger." Obviously the corollary to that assertion is that I might have the power to destroy Nick Swisher with love.

As distasteful as that seems to me, I'm (wo)man enough to give it a try, in the interest of science. At least for a week. Starting tomorrow, I will spend one week thinking happy fluffy bunny thoughts about Mr. Swisher. We'll see what, if any, impact this has on his game. Obviously, all pertinent details of this experiment will be noted here on the blog.

I reserve all rights to abort this experiment at any time if it seems to exponentially improve his level of play, or if it causes nausea, vomiting, internal bleeding and/or sexual side-effects.

Damn...the nausea is starting already.


Skippy tastes better than Jiff said...

I guess this goes back to the old adage that you can catch more bees with honey than with poison. Of course, I thought who wants to catch bees anyway? Then someone said, "No, no, no. It's you can catch more flies with honey than with poison." That seemed to make more sense...for about three minutes because who wants flies in their honey, and why would we want to catch them? I thought we wanted to destroy them so that they wouldn't keep landing in the honey. The upshot is that it is a very complex notion to love Nick Swisher into misery. Kudos for attempting to do it, but don't be too disheartened if it backfires...we need Those Girls to keep forging ahead day after day.

Jake said...

ewwww! what is that pic? Is that supposed to be some kind of twisted marketing game? "lets have baseball players look like Justin Timberlake with a bat!" Next thing you know there will be N. Swisher in velvet! *shudder*

PatGLex said...

Okay, you need to show some love for Mr. Swisher in order to weaken him? Check out this article:
He brought a Lexington kid to the White Sox for a game. The kid plays catcher with *one leg* -- he had it amputated as a one-year-old due to cancer. You can also catch his story at ESPN's "Freeze Frame."

As much as I can appreciate his kindness, it just *galls* me that it's a Bitch Sox'er that did it!

And jake: after seeing the "velvet painting museum" segment on last Sunday's CBS Sunday Morning, I'd bet money that there already is a Nick Swisher velvet painting somewhere in Chicago.

k-bro said...

Best of luck to you with this effort. I applaud your dedication.

Try ginger capsules; they might help with the nausea.


Baseball_Lipgloss said...

Oh, sweet baby Jesus! Do you have to take us down with you? Gah. Anyways, I am proud of you for (wo)man-ing up and taking one for the team. May I suggest imbibing in mucho booze-o to help you on your mission?

Michele said...

Proof that the devil does exist and plays for the White Sox. YIKES