Wednesday, July 9, 2008

They should've washed their hands more.

I think it's fairly obvious what's happened here. Our pitchers caught a bad case of Bullpenitis from the Red Sox. This is a particularly nasty bug derived from the virus Suckeipitchtudae. Once you've caught the thing, you just have to let nature take its course and wait it out. Antibiotics don't help. Prevention is key, so in the future when the boys are facing a team that has had a recent bout of Bullpenitis, I recommend a thorough and aggressive hand-washing regimine.

But, what's done is done. While there is no cure, you can treat the symptoms, much like a common cold. And, what makes this bug unique is that the symptoms actually begin to lessen as soon as the virus has been transmitted to someone else. So, as a non-licensed medical unprofessional, I suggest that the best course of treatment is to pass it on to Detroit. The boys should arrive a little bit early to the ballpark tomorrow and make sure they touch everything. Invite some of the key Tigers players to a pre-game brunch, and be certain that all of them get a hug, high-five or fist-pound before they leave. Share water bottles and drinking cups with them whenever possible.

I'm pretty sure that will work.

As for me, I'm going to go cry now.

6 comments:

S.Rail said...

I feel like crying too. I think that their winning streak made us miserable. We are so used to winning, and when we lose, we are broken down.

Katie said...

You're exactly right, S. The recent awesomeness has made the bad that much worse. But today was pretty bad, by any standard.

Holly said...

I must say it's an interesting theory....The last few games were just heartbreaking. I just hope our boys can get it together now and go into the break with some wins under their belts!

jonas said...

Wow, that was a hell of a painful series. I think your theory, but I think the disease might actually fester in Manny's dreadlocks. Did you notice how Lester refused to go near him the other night?

thetwinsdifference said...

That was supposed to be "think your theory is brilliant" but it seems I am having a brain connection issue.

k-bro said...

Just to be safe, I'll Fed-Ex some Purell to the visiting bullpen in Detroit. Although it's too late for today's game. So, I'll call Kevin and ask him to go ahead and do another one of those complete game shutouts.