Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A psycho-analytical approach to winning

Like I said before, I can live with losing one game to an adorable Texas Rangers squad 1-0. I am NOT OK with losing 5 billion-4 to the perpetually vomit-inducing Yankees. That's a bit of an exaggeration I suppose. I know we didn't lose by almost 5 billion runs....but I did stop watching after 10, so who knows. I just felt too dirty and ashamed to go on; like I'd been caught watching a snuff film or something. It was sad, depressing, and deeply disturbing.

I am even MORE not OK with losing [AGAIN!] to Sidney Ponson. This guy is like the pitching equivalent to a cockroach: super gross and disgusting, and he simply refuses to die.

After a great weekend of strong pitching and good offense, it seems possible that this loss could be an indication of the team having a deep-seated fear of success. So, I thought it might be prudent to play Dr. Phil and address some of the root causes of this particular affliction, as it pertains to our boys.

Why might someone be afraid to succeed?
  • A fear of having enemies: you might be afraid that people will resent your success and dislike you for it. And yes, boys, Yankees fans WILL hate you for being successful. But that's a good thing! Embrace it.....or swear back at them. Whichever. Just don't let it hold you back from being the great baseball players we all know you are!
  • A fear of loneliness: some people think that when they succeed they will be different from others and their old friends. But if the Twins all win together, it won't be a problem! Make sure to use the buddy system and stick with your BFF on the team, and you'll never be alone!
  • A fear of being in the spotlight: some people fear the attention success might bring, because of a lack of self-confidence. If this is the case for the team, don't worry about it! You play in the AL Central Division, remember? No matter how many games you win, or how far you make it in the playoffs, there aren't going to be ANY spotlights....ever. So, relax and just play ball!
  • A fear of having to work hard to maintain success: maintaining a certain level of success can require a lot of hard work and effort, and this thought produces anxiety for many people. Yeah, this one is probably legit. Hard work sucks. Still, you make a lot of money, so it's probably worth it. And hero-worship would be a pretty kickass perk too, if you ask me.
I'm glad we have that all straightened out now. I'll expect to see some vast improvements tomorrow.

Good talk.


Michele said...

I think it is a fear of greasy headed pitchers. The guy from Texas I had to avert my gaze every time they showed him and I feel the same way of ponson. I think our clean cut boys from North and Central America are afraid of those men who look cruel and greasy.

Katie said...

Ugh...yes. Padilla is totally gross too. I hate when we play him. I hope the Rangers trade him to a NL team.

Michele said...

Ah yes Padilla is his name. Fear and revulsion have blocked it from me. I was glad I was out of town yesterday and did not have to see SID not a kid on the mound. SCARY.....

Jeremiah said...

I don't think the Twins are afraid of winning. There seems to be an East Coast curse that affects the Twinkies... it also happened while we were in Boston *cough*theumpswereboughtoff*cough* Excuse me! But since it happened tonight, I think it has to be something other than just Twins being afraid of grease and slime. I think it's at least a disease or voodoo or something.