We sat down in our Freebie TwinsFest Upper Club seats plenty early to relax and watch the Sox batting practice. Without a great view, we initially assumed that the player with his back to us, sporting freakish bleached out hair, was Nick Swisher. Even in retrospect, this seems like a fair assumption to make. The boy has already displayed his penchant for peroxide. But, no. When said player showed us his profile we realized it was, in fact, A.J. Pierzynski.
Disturbing visual aid courtesy of Adam L.
It's hard to fully describe my reaction, but I think it's safe to say a piece of me died inside. A.J. and I have a baseball relationship that has withstood the test of time. Those who have heard the Story of Why I Will Never Boo A.J. realize that I have legitimate sentimental ties. I really thought we had built up a certain amount of trust between the two of us. I thought we had an agreement: I will love him no matter what team he plays for or how big of a jerkwad he is, and he will refrain from making drastic changes to his appearance that may cause dizziness and nausea. Now I feel like that trust has been violated a little.
In order to eventually sleep tonight, I have to believe that A.J. lost a bet. I the sneaking suspicion that Nick Swisher was involved.
I have seats right by the Sox bullpen for Wednesday, and I may be forced to ask A.J. what's up before the game. I have to know. I will for sure take lots of photos for further study. I am a little bit worried about the effects of staring directly at the hair though. I'm considering making a pinhole camera like we made in grade school for watching the solar eclipse. Better safe than sorry.
On to our lists.
Things we liked:
- Kevin Slowey. We had yet to see him pitch in person this season, due to the universe only wanting us to see Livan Hernandez pitch.
- Justin's home run.
- Nick Swisher losing his glove and looking like a jackass.
- The amusingly civil arguments both Gardy and Ozzie had with the umps.
- Carlos Gomez's triumphant return.
- Ehren Wasserman's pants. They seem to shrink every time we see him, and this kept us entertained for three full innings. They have gone well beyond the Nick Punto Fit now , and are bordering on the Derek Jeter Fit.
- Day-Glo A.J.
- Josh Fields at 3B instead of Joe Crede. Both because we remember the hurt Josh Fields put to us last season, and because we kind of like Joe Crede and his socks.
- My Love Nick Swisher 'Til He Stinks strategy worked like a charm! Once again, I was able to render him completely useless. If I keep it up, he'll be batting 9th in no time.
- Those Girls had the first fight we've ever had in the history of our friendship. It lasted approximately 2.3 minutes. It all started when I noted that Nick Swisher looked "too normal" with a normal haircut and normal facial hair. I explained that there must be some law of physics that prevented such an occurrence, and surmised that "there must be something seriously freaky going on with his pubic hair." Casey felt, probably justly, that this crossed a line into TMI, whereas I felt that I was perfectly within my rights under the Friendship Code which states that "any gross disturbing thought/imagery that is in one friend's mind, can immediately be shared with other so no one has to suffer alone." Thankfully, we were done fighting before I even finished my soft pretzel and exorbitantly over-priced cheese cup. That's how we roll.