Thursday, June 5, 2008

"It's the American League! They have the DH, how hard can it be?!"

I feel like I'm a skeptical extra in a movie about baseball. Like someone in the stands during "Little Big League" going "This is a cute idea for a movie, but it's SO ridiculous! Owners can't be, there are child labor laws...."

We have 13 pitchers. And only 3 bench players. 1 extra outfielder, 1 extra infielder, and an extra catcher. Today we used Kevin Slowey to pinch run. Which, I guess makes sense, in an unrealistic crappy Disney movie sort of way. We have all these extra pitchers running around, we might as well use them for something. (If this were a humorous Disney movie, there would be a montage of them all assigned to do different odd jobs around the Metrodome....Glen Perkins would moonlight popping popcorn, and Brian Bass would be washing Rick Anderson's car, all to the tune of Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend." God I'm brilliant.) Today Gardy said, apparently with a complete lack of giggling, that he's not afraid to use Livan to hit either.

I call for Livan, and other pitchers, to pinch-hit ALL THE TIME. So, you'd think that I would consider this good news.

But, see, here's the thing: my priorities are different. Or at least they should be. I want pitchers to hit because my #1(and really ONLY) priority is to be entertained. That is MY job in this crazy little equation we call baseball. And I do a damn fine job of it too. NO ONE can be more easily entertained than I can. Pitchers hitting is FUNNY, and super-entertaining with just a smidgen of adorableness.

Gardy's job is to win baseball games. And, thankfully, since I am MOST entertained by winning, our goals overlap a lot of the time. It's handy. But somehow, seriously relying on our excessive pitching staff for offense seems to fit in my area of expertise a little bit better.

It's OK for me to say: "Ooh! Maybe we'll put Livan in to pinch-hit! *giggle*giggle*giggle*"

It is NOT OK for Gardy to say: "Ooh. Maybe we'll put Livan in to pinch-hit. *serious managerial face*"

Gardy, please leave the ridiculous unorthodox slightly insane theory-making to ME. I'm a professional.

I'm going to go to sleep and pray that I am indeed just living in the plot of a really bizarre and unrealistic baseball movie. It's not that far-fetched. I'm pretty sure we are just one peanut-selling orangutan away from having a pretty decent straight-to-DVD release on our hands.


Steve said...

I hope your comments aren't an indictment against Livan personally. If so, you should check his lifetime batting stats. In fact, the way many players are hitting I'd have him play 3rd on days he doesn't pitch.

Katie said...

UM...yeah. I have them MEMORIZED. No joke. They come in handy when I obnoxiously shout "Let Livan pinch hit!"

My point is that no matter how good Livan is, or how much fun I have when pitchers hit, when our professional baseball team decides we don't really NEED offense...that is an issue.

Steve said...

And my point is that they've run several guys through here that can't get the job done as well as Livan. Might as well go with him.

Katie said...

I completely understand. I've been the head soprano of that choir for quite some time (see my post "Forget Kubel, Free the Pitchers" where I decide that we just shouldn't bother to DH anyone and we should let Livan and the others run wild with batting gloves).

I just find it troubling in a "I'm not so sure this is a great idea for a movie" sort of way when my ridiculous ideas become legit baseball strategy. Because sometimes I also think that we should let T.C. actually suit up and play in the game, and that my grandmother should replace Juan Rincon on the roster.

Rob said...
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Rob said...

Let's think about this for a second. Livan might be able to hit a little bit.....but how many times have teams actually scouted how to pitch to Livan? So he can walk up and hit a straight 4-seam fastball every once in a while. He's still only a career .233 hitter. So let's back off the "let Livan hit" sentiments, unless they are jokingly put out there.

Steve said...

I think my comments are more directed at how poorly anyone who plays 3B for the Twins performs. Plus it is kidding around. This isn't Baseball Prospectus.

However, I'd let Micah Owings play everyday on my team.

Rob said...

Steve, I'd agree. I'd sign Micah Owings up any day of the week.

What happened to Brooks Kieschnik (did I spell that right?) from the Brewers? Sign him up, he can hit and couldn't pitch any worse than Rincon is right now....