Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout Willis?: Snap Judgements are FUN

Yes, we're 1-3. And with just one series under our belt, pessimistic folks everywhere seem to be making doomsday snap judgements. Boof sucks, the season's over, Gomez shouldn't hit lead-off, etc. So, I figured why should the Debbie Downers have all the fun? I can make uninformed snap judgments with the best of 'em.

Based solely on these first four games, here's some fun facts we can all take to the bank:

• The Twins will only win games I am physically present at. This puts a lot of pressure on me, personally. But whatever.
• Liriano will be flipping burgers somewhere by September.
• Jason Kubel will be the team's home run leader.
• Nick Punto will have a better batting average than Justin Morneau.
• And finally, in October, we will all be sitting on our couches watching the Kansas City Royals win the World Series.

So, seriously. I think everyone needs to just take a few deep breaths and relax. Did anyone honestly expect the Twins to go all Terminator on the Angels right away? We're gonna be fine. This is baseball. Early cold spells mean about as much as early hot streaks. They don't mean anything. Ultimately, win or lose, the boys are going to get their stuff together here eventually and give us some darn fun baseball to watch this spring/summer/fall. We can't statistically lose them ALL.

And in other baseball news, I was scouring the new rosters of the Northwoods League teams tonight, just seeing what to expect this summer, and I found pretty much the most exciting baseball-related news EVER. On August 1st, the Madison Mallards are having 80's Night. Which would be cool enough. But.....they have a special guest coming. GARY "Whatchoo Talkin Bout Willis" COLEMAN! Can you believe it?! He's going to throw out the first pitch, pose for pictures and sign autographs. As soon as I saw this, I was certain I would be taking a road trip to Madison for this game, even before I checked the schedule and saw that they're playing the Eau Claire Express (my NWL team of choice). If I can get Gary Coleman's autograph, it will totally be even cooler than the time I met Corky from Life Goes On. I am a little bit bummed that Madison's closer from last season Bubba O'Donnell is a Senior this year, so he won't be back. Bubba, even though he played for the enemy, was my NWL baseball boyfriend because he is adorable and completely crazy AND good at baseball. He is so wacky, he makes Pat Neshek look mundane, like a bank manager. (Note to Twins: please draft Bubba O'Donnell.) But, even Bubba-less, wild horses could not keep me away from this game. Baseball, 80's music and Gary Coleman. That is kind of how I imagine heaven, actually.