Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Comb-Over Analogy

So, it sounds like Livan Hernandez is going to be our Opening Day pitcher.

I'm feeling very "blah" about that.

Nothing against Livan Hernandez personally.....I'm sure he's a really nice guy. And a capable pitcher. I know the mantra by heart. "200 innings. blah blah blah. Carlos Silva. blah blah blah. Cheaper. blah blah blah." I'm just not excited about this news.

A couple of analogies come to mind to explain my feelings.

We've gotten ourselves into a bit of an oopsie, with a super young and inexperienced pitching staff.

So, we could pull the "Oh I totally meant to do that!" Trick...like starting to jog when you trip yourself embarrassingly. Putting Scott Baker or one of the other young dudes on the mound Opening Day would send that message. It would help if we could get a lot of soundbites of Rick Anderson saying things like "Oh yeah, the younger the better. If they could get me some Jr. High J.V. kids, we'd really be cooking with oil." Bonus points if he could say it without sounding pervy.

But no, it appears we're going in a different direction.

I think we're going with the "Maybe if we make it look sort of the same, no one will notice!" Plan. This is essentially, I'm sorry to say, the Comb-Over Strategy.



And much like long stringy strands of hair have no business being stretched across the top of one's head, Livan Hernandez has no business being anybody's Opening Day starter. It just makes the situation look worse. "Yup....this is the best we got folks."

Of course, there is the possibility that we're going with Hernandez for another reason...the "Lifetime Achievement Award" Approach. Obviously the thinking here is "You've never been good enough to win anything before this, but you ARE getting really old....so hobble on up here and make a speech before you die." Applause and self-congratulatory looks all around.

At least if we put Scott Baker on the mound, and we lost, I could entertain myself with "Oh my god, can you believe little Scotty Baker is pitching on opening day!" comments all night. If we put Livan Hernandez on the mound and things go south, it's just going to be.....sad.

Comb-Over sad.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love those analogies. They both made me laugh. I too think we should let Scotty have the honors of pitching on Opening Day.
--Tricia--

ubelmann said...

That comb-over analogy is great.

edo said...

Great post... I couldn't stop laughing at the "cooking with oil" line. I AGREE...

The Colonel said...

Well after losing Radke & Santana in successive seasons I can't think of anyone pitching open day that would add the wow factor.

That's a good analogy. I agree with Trica, Baker should get the opening day nod.