Friday, January 4, 2008


Just when I thought my day could not get any worse.

Then I get home from work to read that the White Sox have acquired Nick F'n Swisher (please note that he is no relation to Torii F'n Hunter. The F'n's are pronounced much MUCH differently in my head.)

As some of you may already know, Nick Swisher is my ARCHENEMY.

I frequently feel that much of Nick Swisher's free time is spent crafting various nefarious and dastardly plots intended to make my life miserable.

This leads me to taunt him from the stands and make fun of his name. Loudly.

I frickin' HATE Nick Swisher.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have yelled "DAMN YOU NICK SWISHER!"

And now we're going to be seeing him so often. I may need to consider asking the doctor from some blood pressure medication. Try to preemptively avoid a massive stroke.

Damn you Nick Swisher. This is your new plan, isn't it? Now you are actually trying to KILL me. You are diabolical, you evil son of a bitch.

In my mind, I do like to imagine that A.J. Pierzynski is going to be a total prick bastard to Nick Swisher ALL the time. That thought makes me happy. Kick his ass for me, A.J.

But I have a couple months til opening day. Plenty of time to practice and perfect my Swisher jeers.

So, bring it on Nick Swisher.




Oooh, I am going to yell so many mean things at you, Nick Swisher. You have no idea. You look like a jackass in your cowboy boots.

AND you have stupid hair.

EDIT: I found this when I was googling "Nick Swisher is an asshole." It made me laugh. (It's funny to me, especially, because I once DID draft Mike Mussina for my fantasy team just because he likes crosswords. And I'm mean to any Yankee players I get too.) Totally worth a read. Except that it says something nice about Grady Sizemore, which is just totally unacceptable in any context.


the guy that liked knoblach said...

From a friend's blog (bulletin really):

well now, with swisher being traded, i have no jersey or jersey type thing where the NOB is currently on the team.

damn a's
damn billy beane.

damn it all, maybe they do belong in fremont!!!

Katie said...

C'mon. Friends don't let friends be A's fans.

You need to stage an intervention.

Unless your friend was recently released from prison. In which case he probably feels at home watching the A's.

k-bro said...

Isn't Nick Swisher one of the ugliest faces in baseball? blech.


Katie said...

Yes. Yes he is.

Karleeee said...

oh god.